My Life As An Adhd Victim...

I was brought up an extremely getto town in the country. My parents always fought, my mother has anger problems and quite often let her anger ot on me as a kid. When in kindergarden, I was very hyper-active and really wanted to make friends. My parents told me I used to come home crying, because I was unable to make friends. This was because I used to have my face very close to my intentional future friend's face, with my eyes very physced and talking very loudly. While growing up into the age of thirteen, I had already moved from several schools and towns in a changing matter of three equivalent school terms approximately each time moving. At those schools I was bullied, to the point where kids would bring rulers to school and pretend they were needles to inject them from my retard germs. Ive had chinese burns, chins kicked, hair pulled. Being called ugly, I have ENglish rose skin plus mild rosacea and allergies combined. So my skin was all blotchy and red everywhere. I was bullied for being 'retarded' because I could not listen and said very stupid things to people, because my mind was unfocused. Within hundreds of people my age at school, wanted to be my friend. People were embarassed to be seen talking to me, to lend me school equipment, I needed. I was bullied to the point where I spend years harming myself as a 11 year old student and already wanted to die, desperately. I cannot work now, because I say random stupid things occasionally and people treat me horribly as Im retarded, even now. I usually talk with an intelligent approach with people, but the random non-concentrating blurt outs made people think other wise. I also have anxiety and nervousness disorder so I get flustered and stressed out to the point of shaking and bawling my eyes out. I've been kicked out of home several times for not obeying the religious laws in my parent's home and have been disowned temporarily from my family for having a boyfriend who doesn't go to church and also has adhd. I have been cheated on by my first love. The relationship lasted over a year, I was treated as a slave. DId everything for him to keep me. As I felt i did not want to lose him, because i lost my virginity to him and was very attatched. THen found out he was cheating on me the whole time and had an affair with a close friend, I went to school with and knew since I was around 6 years old, Which made me crushed until the point of histerically crying infront of a train, ready to jump. Didn't because my according to my beliefts, murderers go to hell. I have no money and never really have, I actually live with my parents and borrow my mum's clothes and she is a big lady to wear around everywhere, which makes me very sad. Especially when wanting to become a beautiian in the future. I have grown up a lot and have tried to get over the fact that I may be very much a dumb blonde now and then coz of my adhd (am currently un-medicated) and have difficulty working because of my anxiety and nervousness disorder. I have bad hand co-ordination so I am unsure of what I can do as a career. I feel like I dont have much hope at the moment. Although, im trying to push through being poor, and the things i feel about myself and do my best to concentrate and a have a positive future. Although even though i dont have a lot going for me, i kind of do. I have a wierd and very out there personality, probs programmed by my adhd. It also unfortunately drives ppl away from being friends with me. I am blessed though, I am very good with drawing, writing, singing and some academic areas come easily to me, but if i just didnt have adhd i would swap those talents just so i dont have to feel ****** about myself all the time. I love fashion as well, it possesses a firey passion with-in me. Just sucks when ur broke without a job, if only I could sing or act for money. But thats way to hard to get into really, so i guess I'll just be a cleaner or something lol.

Btw I know this message is very long and negative, but it is straight forward what I think. Im trying my best to be positive, even If i am struggling. People who want to criticize me, for my "negative story", good riddens! its my real story and dont like it, why read it then? :)

Please feel free to comment me on the story xx
MelodyTin3 MelodyTin3
18-21, M
1 Response May 9, 2012

Hi Melody, yes your story is sad. But there are positive things written as well. It sucks having a mental disorder. But thankfully there are medications available. Why have you stopped taking meds?