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Everyone Falls In Love With Me.

I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know how to stop.

Off the top of my head, I can count 10 people who have said they were in love with me. I'm only 20. These people have been not just girlfriends and boyfriends, but mentors, proteges, friends, acquaintances, and people I met on the Internet and have never spoken to. I have only been in love once, and thanks to the cruel beauty of irony, she didn't love me back.

I am a heartbreaker, and I hate it. I know what it's like to have a broken heart. And yet there's nothing I can do. I dated one woman I didn't love for 2.5 years because I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her. To this day that's my worst sin, and I'm so ashamed of what I did to her for my own personal peace of mind that sometimes it keeps me up at night. From that, at least, I have learned that the kindest thing to do is be honest.

I don't know what to do about this. I hate it because it sucks for everyone involved. Do I start wearing unflattering clothes and snapping at everyone I meet? Is it my perfume? Am I secretly made of chocolate or something? Wtf is going on and how can I make it stop?
devotrepaix devotrepaix 18-21, F 7 Responses May 29, 2010

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Ok so I am so relived there are other people experiencing this! I don't feel so alone!! I have this happen with everyone I meet.. Both male and female and I'm so aware of it now it scares me! I don't do anything but be myself I don't try I don't ask.. It comes! I'm a little confused now as I've hurt friends in my life coz of it n don't know how to deal with it! Any help would be great!

I know this reply is a little years late but whatever... all i can hope is that you actually come across it and receive some sort of enlightenment on your dilemma, if you havent resolved it yet.

Before I get to the actual advice I want to say that this could apply to all people with similar problems, regardless of gender. But what I can assure you are three things: One, you are not alone, it would not be that surprising if i told you I have this same exact problem. Two, it's ok if you are confused that's normal, I'd be concerned if you weren't. Three, I apologize in advance for this last one because in fact there's no way to stop this course of the resented heartbreaker... Either people stop finding your heart attractive or they don't... You can't change how people feel for you. No matter how hard you try to change how people look at you, others will come to your undesired rescue.

My first suggestion is that you find and make friends with people who have the exact same problem as you, that way you both have the same standards or the same expectations from each other.
Make sure you always make it crystal clear from the start to friends, etc. what you don't want to happen, make rules, or set the drawing so when people do cross the line, you've never given them "false hopes" to run with. Also, don't be afraid to confront friends, acquaintances, etc. when you think they start getting googly eyed... People come and go and being direct from the start is always the best, it prevents deep/deeper wounds and the reassurance you never led them on.

And don't worry you are not secretly made of chocolate, you just have a very appealing and accepting personality. By "accepting" I mean that your ideas, beliefs, the way you are, who you are is what generally most people have thought up in their mind as the ideal traits of a person whom they'd like to spend intimate time with or "fall in love" with.

You see my theory is that, based on this, they get confused in their desperation to find someone that comes somewhat close to the person who has some or all of their thought up qualities that they find attractive, that they never stop to think you don't feel the same way. They don't take your feelings into full consideration, they only think of themselves, they become confused and somewhat dillusional. Dillusional in the aspect that these people are so up in their dream world they sculpt you into their version of the perfect woman, a woman that will finally satisfy and live out their longed for fantasies.... And that person, unfortunately, becomes you.

There isn't a way to stop it, you would have to be become the most lothable being on earth so no one would ever come near you. But I don't want that for you, I really wish you wouldn't keep on hating what you are or what you do to people. The only thing I can tell you is that the sooner you accept who you are and the influences that you have on people, the sooner you will find a new found happiness. Changing your clothes and the unique person you are is not the answer, believe me, you'll end up getting depressed on who you've become, who you can't be and fall into this endless malignant black hole type of cycle.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. The people around you are the real problem, it sounds a bit narcissistic but it is the truth within this context. People fall in love so easily these days, that the meaning of love has been heavily distorted over time.

Don't lose hope, because the people who actually do care about you and respect your feelings, your decisions, and you as a person, will come to stick around. Even if those people turn out to be just only one decent human being, consider yourself lucky and don't let him or her go.

goodluck.

"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Daeli

Im 25 year old woman and this is happening to me, two of my best girl friends have fallen for me and any male who spends a little time with me feels the same... i am glad i found this post because people think it must be a wonderful thing to have people love you, they don't realise how lonely it gets, i have lost countless friends and now feel scared to get close to anyone in case i see the heartbreak in their face as i have done so many times before. :(

I also have just realized i have the same thing happen to me! i am not looking for love, it just seems to "find" me. it seems that once people get close to me, they fall in love. we usually start as friends. this has happened with both men and women in my life. i am really not flirtatious and i just approach everything platonically and am never the one to initiate the deeper relationship. at some point, they cannot help themselves and come to me with their deeper desires. i am now setting boundaries for myself and am less accomodating and open than i used to be, but still, there is something there that is attracting them. i'm thinking of starting a society of people like "us" to figure out what it is and how it helps people. it is a big mystery to me, and i have struggled with feeling like this is an "ego" statement, when in fact, i have just found it to be the truth. it can be both exhilerating and frustrating at the same time, when you just want a close friendship, and they always want something more. thanks for sharing, i feel less alone now!

Wow, I, too, am in a similar situation. I'm an 18 year old girl and I've always found it hard to stop guys from liking me. Quite a few people said that I'm flirtatious, although i wasn't flirting on purpose, so I tried to stop all flirtatious behaviour- actually withdrew into myself (wasn't a very good idea. Although it did encourage me to follow my morales and true beliefs more)- but this didn't help. <br />
Every now and then I slip up. I start to think that maybe this guy that likes me is actually pretty cool, that we might go well together- but then that must flow through to how I act because we always end up kissing or they confess their feelings or something and then I realise I actually don't have feelings for them. Which isn't fun, especially for them. Currently I know of around 8 guys that like me, one of whom I've kissed and have yet to let down (I'm hoping he will get the message as I haven't replied to his txts, but definitely will have to talk to him), but the rest are just friends or acquaintances. I don't understand how they can all be soo interested- the ones I haven't made any move towards, I mean. <br />
My theory is that we are all pretty, and have friendly, open personalities. We are just generally attractive to men.

Wow.... So I was sitting contemplating my life, and decided to search this topic in the search bar at the top of this page and found exactly what I was looking for!!! I have the same problem!!!! I am a 22 year old female, very friendly, open, social... and I cannot figure out why just about every single person (mostly guys) "falls in love" with me. People seem to get attached to me, they get angry if I do not communicate with them all the time, and I don't usually feel the same!!! I don't easily "fall in love" at all, and it seems I attract people who do. <br />
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I am sorry I don't really have any suggestions since I am in the same exact situation, haha. I suppose that we could change our personalities and who we are in order for people to stop loving us, but in my opinion I don't really want to change who I am! I love me and I am happy to share myself with people but they get jealous and angry if I dont dedicate myself to them. Does that happen to you guys? When people get clingy and stuff like that, I tend to go in the other direction. <br />
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Any thoughts? :) Nice to read both of your comments. <3

I know the feeling, though I often find it's because I open up my own heart to so many people. Some of them I love back but not romantically, some of them I do love but don't choose to be with.<br />
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I don't know how to make it stop either, except to close my heart to all my friends or only make friends who have no interest in me romantically. It seems to be sort-of working so far. Also, I flirt a lot more than I realize, so when people start flirting back too hard I often give them my 'standard disclaimer statement'. Funny and lighthearted, but also serious and honest. <br />
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"I am happily taken, I just like to flirt a lot, I am a known heartbreaker. Please, don't get in over your head, I really don't like hurting folks. Flirting is awesome, as long as you don't take it too seriously. I will never dump my significant other for you, no matter how much I care about you. Period. We cool? Alright then, on with the flirting."<br />
<br />
And as much as I like to flirt, I seem to be something of an accidental seductress. I say or do things that could be deemed inappropriate, because it is my way of amusing myself to get a reaction out of people. I enjoy pleased reactions, I enjoy teasing and eliciting affectionate teasing or flirting from people.<br />
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Perhaps you do some of the same things? Or it could just be that you're a smart, capable, beautiful young woman who shows confidence. People like that, and there really isn't anything to be done about it aside from issue disclaimer statements. ;P<br />
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Good luck.