I Broke Up With My Dream

I broke up with a friend, who also happened to be my ... boyfriend ... kind of.  It was a friendship with on and off periods of passionate romance. As a partner he is horrible. I really mean it: immature, selfish, fresh, irresponsible, unattached. As a friend he is the most fun and interesting friend to have. He is funny, witty, clever, honest, opinionated, kind. 
I had to break up with him, I really really had to. It's been a year since we were supposedly back on again and this thing is not going anywhere. He is unreliable, as he pledges one day to miss me and then I don't hear from him again in weeks. It makes no sense to me. Also He always seems to need favors, all kinds of help with stuff, my friendship is like too convenient for him. And yet, he's the kind of person who doesn't take care of himself or his finances. On top of it all, he's always traveling doing consulting jobs, never stays in the city many weeks in a row, that doesn't make it easier.

As nice and honest as he may be, it still doesn't work for me. It really really hurts me to have to break up with him, I don't have the patience and time to wait and see if he wants to stop playing Xbox and call me and give it a real try with me. He looks still too infatuated with his single-guy-lifestyle. 

Our "relationship" was severely neglected in the last few months and I reencountered with my ex Matt. Now I have on one hand Matt, a wonderful, loving man who has changed a  lot since we separated and has the same life goals than I do. ANd on the other my "boyfriend-friend" who treats me like secondary to his life....it's a no brainer. 

Anyways, I guess I really really got to appreciate him and like him as a person, regardless of our "romance". And it still hurts to let go because of  the years we were friends before things got complicated.

I wrote a breaking up email and, I thing it was harsher than I intended. It's not too bad though. 
It hurts me to also lose my friend.It hurts me to let go of the dream I had once that things could have worked between us. We had so much fun together that it could have been a good relationship. Who knows. Maybe not.

Mkarronni Mkarronni
31-35, F
1 Response Jun 18, 2010

Thank you Staleywise. I really needed to hear this. Thanks for reminding me my instincts are right and for sharing your story. Hug.