Long Story Short...

i was going to post this in my blogs but...apparently they are not working right now....so i put it here instead.

the boyfriend and i broke up.  some of our problems were fixable but the final thing for me was when he tried to make our relationship into a '*** for tat' kind of thing....keeping score on who did what for who...i guess that was HIS definition of 'give and take'  yeah...relationships require give and take but you don't freaking keep score about it...and i felt he would hang it over my head if he wanted me to do something for him that i didn't want to do or something like that.  whatever.  i don't need it.

having said that...he wants me back now.  he talked to his friends and they helped him realize he was being an A1 *******.  well you know what...maybe you should've talked to your friends before lol  geez.  he says he can change and doesn't want to lose me because...wait for it....he LOVES me.  yeah...ok...maybe so, but...it doesn't matter now.  oh but he feared rejection and that i didn't feel the same...well it's a little too late now isn't it?  he REALLY wants me to give him a second chance...there's something about me that's telling him to fight for me....etc etc...blah blah blah.

i already feel detached mentally and emotionally from the relationship.  so even if i WERE to get back with him...we couldn't just jump right back to where we were...we'd have to start over again i think.  I don't know that that's what i want.

I kinda want to see what happens with this other guy.  i can't do that if i go back to my previous relationship.  It may not work out with him either, but at least i'd know for sure.  if i don't take that chance...i may wonder about it forever and it may interfere with my other relationships...it kinda already did.  i just keep getting drawn back to him...and idk why.  i just WANT to be with him...be around him, talk to him, explore things with him, go places with him...and just everything...

i have friends who tell me i made the right choice.  maybe so...maybe not...*I'M* not so sure anymore.  The same friends also tell me i'm crazy in love with this other guy....they could be right, or not lol
KinkyFlower KinkyFlower
31-35, F
4 Responses Jul 11, 2010

thanks :) i think so too. it was pretty hard...and i kinda wanted to give him that second chance, but...i think that would've just made me miserable and every effort he made to be 'good' and supportive, etc, i would have just resented ya know?<br />
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i still dk about B lol he's great fun and we get along famously but...he's not much on the commitment thing...and i'm not sure that would change...so yeah, i'm keeping my eyes open for others who could have potential as well :)

All I can say is you DEFINITELY made the right choice to dumb your first guy and you are wise for choosing not to pursue anything with him because you realize it is waaaay past over.<br />
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You definitely deserve to be happy KF and you really need someone who would be so great for you and your daughter. I hope you can find that with your current guy and I do hope it isn't something you'll grow to regret. I know how confusing emotions can be sometimes, especially when they make you question your judgment sometimes and wonder if you're doing the right choice.<br />
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I think you should just go with your gut about B. I think you should see where it goes with B, but if you know from now you might not end up together I think you should also be keeping an eye on the other guys in your life in case somebody you're certain of shows up. Am I making sense?

the boyfriend N, and i aren't together any longer...and the other guy in this story is B :)<br />
it was just a day or two after this story that i told him we weren't going to get back together. and i made the right choice :)

I think you should follow your heart. Just tell him that you aren't certain what you want right now and need some time apart. If you really don't feel he is 'the one' then I definitely think you should have your chance with the other one to see where it goes. Just be sure that's what you want...how would you feel if he hooked up with another girl while you're testing the waters with this other guy?