10 Months And I Was In A Relationship With Him...he Was In One With His Depression

We broke up yesterday and I'm devastated. The first time we called it quits he wanted me back, the second I wanted him back, and now we both think it is better for the both of us. Because he suffers from depression he didn't think it was fair to me to wait on him while he sorted through his emotions and his life. My mom keeps telling me I can do better. But I don't want anyone else...I want him! I'm completely in love with this boy but he told me he loves and cares for me but he isn't "in love with me." What does that mean?! I understand that we're both young and still in college but I've spent so long with this boy and the thought of him kissing or being with another girl makes me sick. I don't even wanna look at any other boys. I know that I deserve the world but I wanted him to be in my world. Now I don't really talk to anyone even though this is just the first day single but I miss texting to him and knowing that at the end of the day I'm his girl. We had so much fun together and I'm devastated that it's over. When you spend so much time with someone how are you supposed to move on? How am i supposed to feel whole again when I feel like my existence has just shattered? I'm not one of those girls that dates tons of guys I usually find them immature and annoying but this relationship lasted! He told me that this isn't good bye forever and maybe one day the two of us could work out but I know I shouldn't hold out hope for this because I need to move on for now. For my health and sanity. It's hard to be friends with someone you're absolutely in love with. I'm so sad, mad, depressed, angry, broken.....etc. I hate going to sleep at night because that's when I'm alone with my thoughts and I think about all of our memories and I just cry and cry. I don't even want to listen to music because it all reminds me of him. It's the holiday season and my birthday is in 4 days and it makes it that much more depressing. I thought I was having an anxiety attack last night. I know that this is for the best for us both right now but my heart disagrees. Why is it that the one boy i really fall for doesn't feel as strongly? what do i do? I feel hopeless and like I can't breathe.
alone4theholidays alone4theholidays
3 Responses Dec 10, 2012

one day you will thank him for leting you go...He says he loves you ...i.e he love who you are, a kind person, a nice person etc...but he is not in love with you means ,his heart is really somewhere else...He don't want ALL of you... He only wants to be friends...Time will heal your wounds...now take time to get to know your family, girl friends, and new boy friends...no special...You may have a few broken hearts before you meet mr. true love...To minimize .don't confess nor accept love feelings so easily unless you know the person for at least a year!A bit hard...but true love waits...And don't give yourself physically invovled unless he give you a commitmente.g.after engagement

If you truly love him all you have to do is continue to live hang out with friends and when he comes around hey eventually things will workout but don't beat yourself up about it because you're still young and honey love is the most complicated word because there is no definition maybe you're only meant to be lovers as friends best friend but until then time heals all happy early birthday cheer up buttercup

Thank you this is very true! I hear he is pretty miserable right now and i just miss him so much! But i think he needs to get ahold of me first if he really wants me back

I feel some of those tings too. My gf of 3 years called it off yesterday..she said she needed some space and time to find herself. I don't know exactly what to do, but I know that I want her, and just her. If you feel that way about this guy, let it be known. Don't give up on him.

Yea i'm trying not to. I think we are both stubborn right now and not getting ahold of one another. Idk do you think he's really upset now too? Idk how guys think

Later on when you are 54 like me....you will thank God for letting him go..maybe after he graduated as an engineer or doctor and came back for you and you feel the same you know you are meant for one another!{ I have 3 heart breaks before I met my wife! At first I don't like her...I Love another and she shaw thru it all ..when I finally fall for her it was warmer...and then it gets warmer...Glad I wasn't physically invovled with the first 3 !!!!! God is good!

So be friends again...without the special...you can do it...just call the stubborn nut exBF and boy see how friendship grow...BUT REMEMBER>>>>FRIENDS only for one year...else you will have a 2 heartbreak more painful!!!!