I Broke Up With My Boyfriend Who Was Obsessed With Me But I Still Love Him

I recently broke up with my boyfriend. I would want to think that was right in doing so but somewhere I wonder if I am wrong...I have been in love with this guy for over 2 and half yrs, but during this period we had innumerable fights and mind you bad fights!! He wanted me to stay away from the entire male fraternity except my Dad and bro, he had no issues with me talking to females whatsoever. We started our relationship with a good note and I was totally honest with him. He too was...but if we both did the same mistakes my mistakes were supposed to be punished more severely because I was a girl. He did not approve me of wearing the clothes of my choice...I had to always keep in mind whether he would like me dressing up a particular way. He imposed restrictions on me on usage of particular words even such as "f***"...I do not understand why...all I feel is that he is really a narrow minded person. I was not supposed to have access to any of the social networking sites as well. He did not have friends and I too was not supposed to maintain friends. WHY????
And our fights...of course...I was the one to be blames for every single fight...I had to accept that it was my mistake after all...when clearly my heart and mind told me it wasn't. But he told me that I was his princess...his most beloved possession...and he would do everything to keep me happy. He did everything for me if ever I asked him to...he would take care of me like a baby...and at times he would show so much affection that I would feel suffocated...At one point he even promised that he will not control me...but it's so difficult for him I guess to control his urge of controlling me....He won my love and pity saying that he had abusive parents and had a depressing childhood...and I believed every single word he said and stayed with him for this entire time because I couldn't bring myself to leave him and hurt him...I was trapped...Worst thing is that he would cry like a school girl for every little piece of s***. It was as if I was the guy and he was the girl in this relationship...but I still supported him and continued loving him...
He made numerous promises to change but with a few days his mind would forget all the promises but my heart could not forget the constant betrayals...I was jut getting cranky and aggressive with each passing day...He could call me a b**** but I cannot call myself the same word..very weird..any answers??? Anybody??
But I still loved him...Until the day he hit me...well not the first time...the second time and this time I decided...it had to get over!! And man he did behave like a mad person threatening to harm me if I left him...threatening to harm himself if I left him...I was so lost and lifeless then...
And then I stood strong...I found a friend who stood strong by me and helped to keep him away...He even tried taking poison but survived...I should have been happy but when I came to know this...all I could do was cry...cry and cry...Cry away from everyone's sight, bury my head in my pillow and cry...cry in the bathroom...cry when everyone slept...I still cry..I still feel what if I was wrong in leaving this guy,...what if he really needed me and loved me...my brain says I should move on but my heart is still there...stuck with his memories...All I want is to see him happy...I want him to be strong and move ahead in life...then I can be at peace but why is that not happening...Why am I constantly thinking of him?...Why am I still missing him??? I am still as lost as I was when I was with him...I feel guilty for making him suffer like this...Why am I still ready to forgive him??...Why am I acting like such a jerk??
I pray to God every single day to wipe my memories out of his mind...I will be happy then..I still cannot see him suffer...Even though I pray I do not see him ever again...a part of me still wants to know if he is doing fine....

Please help me..how to come out of all this...I am heartbroken..I am lost :( I wanna be happy in life all over again...I wanna love and live again...I wanna get MY kind of man!
asadbutterfly asadbutterfly
22-25, F
8 Responses Jan 8, 2013

He brainwashed you and did you notice that you didnt spell out your curse words it's like you were scared he was gonna get mad at you and punish you. He trained you to be submissive in his way. That guy was training you to be his type of girl not your type of girl not who YOU are! You're lost now but when you start to do the things you used to do before you met your ex, you will start to feel better. Relive your life before your ex. It worked for me and if it doesn't work for you then set a goal each day to try something new and different and with each day make yourself meet new people dont hold back with every day that goes by. You have nothing to lose you're single and free. He can't hurt you anymore. You think you love him but the truth is you're scared to be alone when you should be happy that you're no longer in that sad situation where sooner or later you could have died because he was abusive and if he loved you he would've never put his hands on you nor treated you the way he did. Your relationship with him was not love it was being held captive against your will indirectly because he was so good at manipulating you into staying with him. He got you good and let me tell you he knew what he was doing. Don't go back to him. It won't be safe. He'd probably kill you for leaving him.
You deserve so much better than a ball and chain relationship. You deserve something real something worth your time someone who WILL LOVE YOU FOR YOU. You deserve love not a slap in the face.

Hello sweetheart.
I'm taking a few minutes of my morning to write you a response because I'm totally in the situation where you guys are at right now. To what he's acting like you described, for sure, you're very influential on him, and he must have had a lonely past where he could find love nowhere, in my opinion. What I recommend you to do is to tell him discreetly that you and he need to have a short period of time to think about issues you've gone through, and emphasize that during this time, your love towards him never diminish or anything, just let him feel calmed.
I broke up with my boyfriend also because I was very obsessed by him but not that serious as your boyfriend. I know the feeling of having a partner perfect (I mean having a person perfect, not having a perfect person) is very meaningful to your boyfriend, and losing you is what he's feared of. Don't worry, it's just a natural response from one's heart toward their loved ones, but it doesn't mean this is the way he is, and forever will be.
I wish all the best to you and your relationship.
Tu Ho.

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He didnt like u using d word **** or ny such word as he didnt want ny othr guy to hav a wrong impression abt u .he didnt like u calling urslf a ***** as he saw u an innocent lil kid.i sound stupid bt thts d explanation.love isnt a science tht u weight al good n bad parts.u love him n he loves u is all tht matrs.dnt lsten to logical expanations tht ppl gv n tel u to leave him for being wht he is.love isnt logical.if ur looking for logic n practicality in love thn its nt for u.id say u should still find him n b wit him

Your post has helped me c things clearly.unspoken feelings my girl must b having jus like u do.i guess god gave me evrythng bt didnt give me d sense to value ur loved ones n nt hurt thm so much.im gona win her back nw n b a good guy for her as she truly deserves n nt an obsessed jerk constantly doubting n making her cry n restricting her.thank u for d help tht u hav provided me.i see things mre clearly nw aftr reading ur post.also I hope u get back to ur guy .I hope u knw 1 thing which is he will nt b like d jerk he is right nw permanently n with age he'l start becming mre calm n normal .dnt leave him.find him n make him feel loved n c d change in him.make him read my comments here.im pretty sure tht if hes like me hel get angry at first as u hav posted smthngs which he may nt like hearing bt eventually hel knw wht a jerk he is being to u too.find him n marry him.dnt think twice.life is too short.

I did a search recently on "my bf is obsessed with me" on google n came across ur post.reading d 1st paragraph I first felt as if ur my gf who has posted ths.she broke up with me 7days back.ur bf is my exact replica.howver I nvr slapped my girl.evrythng else holds true for me too.ur nt a jerk.u love him n ths is y u feel u did d wrong thing by leaving him.i can only suggest u 1 thing .get back to him .he will nt b abusive whn ur around him n gv him love.im vry sure he regrets till ths vry day for slapping u.he cant control his obsession for u as u mean evrythng to him.ur like his soul.ur like a part of him thts away frm his body.n I can tell u ths because I am exactly like him n behave in same manner with my girl.evrythng he did holds true for me too.bt thrs 1thing I knw which is tht I can die for my girl.i cant stand seeing her with any other guy alone or talking to him.bt I also knw tht I feel at peace whn shes with me.i feel complete.without her I'd die.i hav been with her since 5n half years nw n I knw im an obsessive bastard bt I cant help myslf.im hurting her bt I cant help myslf.seeing her hurt evn I feel hurt bt as I am an obessive jerk I cant avoid nt hurtig d person I love d most.i can only suggest u to get back to him as d guy cant help himslf bt he loves u vry much.if he is like me im sure he'l tak u back in a jiffy cos he will nvr feelf same way for anyone else as he does for u.its nt his fault tht hes being a jerk .hes tryig his best bt at times cant help himslf .if u marry ths guy believe me u wont rereat tht decision.he will treat u like his queen n I knw tht .I am wonderig nw if he is an arian too.

i like ur post its so touching that you love her that much, i am probably diffrent from others but i like that my bf is in come ways controlling at times i love him and wil do anything for him i like to obey him when he tells me wat i must do in some way sometimes i do get cross but i enjoy it 2 maybe im weird i dont know but he makes me feel like a lady and where he as n man stands and that he wears the pants not me and im submissive and when i dont listen then i do deserve what his going to do to make it clear to me that he is over me and no one els and he also dont like me to talk to other men and then when i do he gets jealose and asks me everything he wants to know i tel him and then he's fine. Example. But i already know what he expect of me to be like and behave he also doesnt like me to swear because the says n lady doesnt talk like that and i agree so i trai not to sometimes it stil happens and wel then he tels me it and i apoligize to him he also doent like me drunk and we have had so many fights about that because id get drunk at a party and he just doesnt like it but i must say even though he is so angry at me then and fights with me he stil wil take care of me and put me in bed and al that but that was in the beginning now i dont do that cuz i know the doesnt aprove of it i realy love him and feel safe with him even if he is contoling at times i dont ever think ill be able to live without him because im just that typ that want to be what my man expects of me ive changed alot for him but i like it i dont trai kick against it and its also alot beter he doesnt get angry alot anymore because i just do wat he tels me to do, i want to marry him because i dont want to loose him he is a good man.

And wel mack 111 what do you think any advice am i doing the right thing and is it good?

Sounds like you're an indian. most indian guys are like that and you just need to take one day at a time and forget him. who does he think he is for hitting you?
you must be mad to go back to him after that.
its just drama that he wants to do by taking poison. what did he take? baygon?
move on and learn to appreciate yourself better.
learn something new and try to take your mind off him...it'll take time but eventually
when you meet someone else, all this wont matter to you at all :)

Thanks for your opinion on this...really helps a lot. I was being told this by most people who know about my breakup. But my stupid heart just wouldn't surrender...I guess everyone was right....even u. Feeling better already :)