Long Time Coming

For the past fourteen months I've been on a roller coaster ride in and out of depression. Sometimes, I go through weeks where I'm totally fine, and then the smallest thing would send me back to my lowest point. I'd never resorted to burning before though. Whenever I got the urge to burn, I'd just find something else to do with my hands.I'd trim my bangs or just scratch my hands until the feeling passed. Then, a couple months ago, this really sweet boy asked me out, and I thought that this was finally my ticket out of depression. And, for awhile, it was. I was happier then I'd ever remembered being. Then, out of nowhere, he broke up with me. I was fine and still not burning, at first. But then I felt like I didn't fit it with my friends anymore because I had changed so much when I was with him. And thats when cutting my hair or digging my nails into my palms didn't help anymore either. So, tonight, for the first time, I plugged my flat iron into the wall and burned my wrist. And I have no idea how I feel about it.