Side Effects Of A Sexless Marriage


I have PTSD - following a lifetime of trauma including rape, childhood emotional neglect & male abandonment issues. I have been with my husband 16 years - 15 of which we had an active sex life. During the past year we have only been intimate twice, not even birthday or anniversary sex. I don't have any reason to think he is cheating. I have dealt with many of the issues from my past affecting my anxiety through therapy, medication and EMDR but for the past 3 months the nightmares and insomnia have become unbearable. Trazadone and ambien don't stop me from waking up all night and Prazosin doesn't help my nightmares. I have tried EMDR which worked for the insomnia in the past with no result.

I have landed a rewarding new job to reduce stress, our 2 oldest daughters have moved out and now we only have our son who is easy-going and very well behaved. I cannot help but to think the only issue remaining which is the major stressor in my life is my sexless marriage.

We used to watch **** on occasion but with my history I finally told him how much it bothered me. It was the only time he would carry on with foreplay and thought it was the movies turning me on, even thought I didn't actually watch them during the event - when the **** stopped, so did the sex.

I feel lonely, scared and that I must be disgusting if he won't touch me anymore. I have gained 35 lbs since beginning my medication regimen but have since tapered off most meds and my dr is now sending me to an endocrinlogist for a Cushing's Syndrome workup due to my sypmtoms and history of chronic high stress. On a side note, he has also gained about 30 lbs over the past year after he quit smoking.

My husband says not to worry, he loves me. This is like a bandaid on a broken bone. Sure, he loves me but he still can't bring himself to touch me. Or he loves me, just "not like that". It is dehumanizing to me.

My therapist says the fact that i have such anxiety in my bed and intense feelings of being unwanted could certainly be contributing to my anxiety & insomnia and that maybe my husband has a physical reason for abstaining. The two times we have been intimate there was no mechanical problem. If it were low testosterone, there is medication for that and you would think he would look into it knowing the effect this is having on me. Those low-T commercials come on TV and he has commented on the long list of side-effects - they should run a commercial about the side effects of a sexless marriage, including infidelity and divorce. I just don't know what to do.

I couldn't even think of having an affair as have so many women in the posts I read. I could only imagine the additional anxiety it would cause. Plus, I truly love him. I don't want to leave but can't imagine living the rest of my life like this.

Any suggestions are welcomed as I am at the end of the proverbial rope.

unfortunatecircumstances unfortunatecircumstances
Dec 2, 2012