I Have Lost So Many Relationships

So many friendships have ended with bitterness because of this nature of mine. I say 'nature' rather than weakness or problem, because this trait is a large part of what I am. When I see a person for the first time, I feel him or her as another soul, rather than just somebody to make small talk to. I am sensitive to the other person's feelings, expressions, thoughts..I always take the initiative to be nice to the other person, I do not like to distrust people's intentions, I begin all relationships with a blind sense of trust in the goodness of this person.

But as these relationships progress, soon there is a stage where I am always acting out of genuine love, and the other person is still yet to place his/her trust in me. This might cause him or her to behave selfishly at times, and I get sick of the whole relationship, like it is one sided. Maybe it was one sided from the beginning, but I get this realisation only after the relationship has progressed a bit (and the initial excitement over one another has started to wear off).

It always ends up with me turning cold, so I would not have to suffer being taken advantage of by the other 'friend'....
I do not want to roughen up, and try to make my relationships more superficial so that they are atleast bearable. Because I feel I am a human, and I cannot make friends with another human thinking this person might turn on me any time. I want to fall into a relationship, with a child;s trust. I want to wake up every day knowing I have loved, when the opportunity came, Loved without keeping any safe distance. Loved without barriers...
gigome gigome
Jan 16, 2011