Thank Goodness I Found This Site, It Helps To Know I'm Not Alone

I had a total melt down last night.  It started after my 20 year old daughter came home after spending a couple of nights with my newly (4 months) widowed mother.  My daughter made one simple statement that opened the flood gates when she climbed into the car: "how did you survive all that time with that woman." 

I dont' remember her having one pleasant day in all my life.  She loves misery and loves spreading it around. When we were with others my mother appeared to be the doting, loving mother.  In private I was a devil spawn to her.  Whenever I said something she didn't approve of, she would threaten me with the kitchen knife: " see this," she'd point it at me threateningly, "one day I'm going to kill you."  By the time I turned 10 I learnt to hate her.  She was and is a bully.  I guess the straw that broke this camel's back was when she treated my daughter badly.

She's worst than a *****.  She's a crazy, ready to be committed crazy *****.

She never spoke words of kindness, encouragement, love.  It was always criticism, taunts, put-downs.  When I decided to continue my college and university education, I'd leave her yelling at the door..."don't know why you bother, you'll never amount to anything anyway.  Why don't you just get married and out of this house."  

When I finally did find the love of my life she'd repeatedly say, "you don't deserve to be married...why he would marry you, I don't know.  You are undeserving of any man."

I needed surgery one year and the day before entering hospital, she got upset with me for some stupid reason.  "I hope you croak."  I threatened to have her removed from the hospital if she showed up to visit me.  She showed up anyay...otherwise, "what will the neighbors say if I don't at least pay you a visit."

She was and still is always concerned about what the neighbors say or think, even if she doesn't speak to them.  She doesn't have one friend and as I was growing up I wasn't allowed to have any friends either.  She couldn't stand seeing anyone happy.  When I seemed to be happy she'd always warn me, "Yeah, be happy now, but you'll see you'll be crying soon enough."

Once when she was angry with her mother-in-law she didn't know how to vent her rage, so she grabbed me by the neck and tried to strangle me.  If my grandmother hadn't started screaming, who knows what would have happened.  I was  8 year old at the time.

I was a skinny little thing, eating little and very nervous....cheez! I wonder why. She'd take me to the doctor almost monthly to try to get him to fatten me up.  But when I fell in the school yard, passed out and started vomiting and bleeding from my ear, I was sent home with a recommendation that I see a doctor asap but she couldnt' be bothered.  No, she just took one look at me and said, "You'll do anything for attention won't you.  You always have something to cry about."  I didn't see a doctor then, even t hough I law unconscious in bed for two or more days.  I just remember waking up one day and she handed me my school bag and said, "go to school, you've been milking this long enough."  I don't even remember how many days I was asleep.  As for the, I never saw him.

The list goes on and on.  Since my father passed away a few months hatred for her has grown immensely.  She milks the 'widow' schpiel to the hilt.  Wears black....wants sympathy? Not from me. I'm convinced my dad died because of her midnight antics.  But that's a story in itself.  She played the crying ranting, foot stomping, widow at the hospital beautifully. At the funeral parlor, and for one month she moaned and groaned.  I was secretly hoping she'd hop into the casket with my dad, and be rid of her. Remarkably, once the one month grieving period was over...she recovered, but still wears black so she can announce to the world that she is 'alone'. 

I could go on and on, but at least I got a fraction of what I feel off my chest.

If I had one wish it would be that she be dead and my father be alive.  Knowing my father he's probably getting the much deserved peace he deserves, on the other side. 

*****! *****! *****!  I  hate her with such a passion. 

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Ramm08 Ramm08
2 Responses Jul 19, 2010

My mother and your mother should start a Mommie Dearest Fan Club. My mother is also manipulative and vindictive. I suffer from Psoriasis and my two daughters have autism, and her response was, the reason why I have Psoriasis and my two daughters have autism is because God is punishing me for how I treat her. Can you believe a mother saying that to her own daughter especially about her own grandkids? Please cut off all ties to your mother. She may have given birth to you, but she certainly didn't let you LIVE!!!

For goodness sake, break from her now! When my mother was widowed she expected me to uproot my children from their schools, my husband from his work, me from my friends and charity work so we could all move to the coast to take of her. I gently tried to explain why I could not do as she wanted but nothing got through. In the end I made it quite clear that, whilst I would support her, I would not do as she expected. When I phoned the next morning she told me she had taken an overdose. It turned out to be three, yes THREE, disprin. The next week she staged a repeat this time with half a bottle, but the medics said she only started taking them once she knew I was responding. That was twenty one years ago. To my everlasting regret I stayed close. She is now 95 and I 65 and I feel powerless as she is so old. Things have got worse, she has threatened to tell people that I abuse her and that I won't let her have her tablets. Two weeks ago she staged what I can only call a dirty protest that took me 12 disgusting hours to clean. She wants me to leave my home, husband and cats to move in with her and care for her till she dies. Please, please, PLEASE do not let this happen to you. You must have your own life. If your mother reaps what she sowed, so be it . . . it is not your fault. AA tell relatives to detatch with love, with or without love that is exactly what you must you must do.