My Father Was Horrible...

I posted this once today in another forum...just feels empowering to finally share what I went though out loud with others who understand!

I grow up with a scary father who was very strict with me and my older brother. He justified it, by saying that’s how he was raised in Russia. My American born mother never got into any of the problems we had with our father, she let him do whatever he wanted…I don’t think she really wanted sons. If we did something he didn’t like we were taken downstairs to the den and handled there. Handled was us over his knee and paddled. My father did this until we were about 12. When we hit our teens he switched over to the belt and would whip us to tears, which says how bad it was. After the whippings were over, we ordered to stop crying or we would get more. I remember opting out of a high school trip to a swim park because I had welts all over my butt and legs.

So as my user name gives away, I am a single father. I had my daughter when I was just a teenager myself. When I told my father my girlfriend was pregnant, he belted me the worst he ever had. On top of the belting, he was cussing at me, throw me into the wall and hit me in the face. I just had this sinking feeling that he was going to put me in the hospital this time, if not worse. I remember crying so hard that I couldn’t breathe, and was so scared I was shaking. It was also the one time that my brother came to my aid. He tried to fight my father off of me. I remember him screaming, because my father took him to the ground by his arm. My father was threatening to break it and my brother started crying and begging him to let him up. He let him go and still beat the mess out of him with his belt. And because I had witnessed the whole thing, my father penned me up against the wall and told me if I ever tried to fight him, that he would in his words “demolish” me! I had huge bruises all over me and had to miss school for the week.

So I grow up scared of him my whole life, and even to this day. Though he doesn’t hit us anymore, even when he calls it’s still this automatic “yes sir” response that I give him out of automatic fear I guess. My brother doesn’t deal with my father too much, hasn’t since he went off to college many years back. I am still very close to my brother, I do think he probably saved me life that day.
singlefather1 singlefather1
31-35, M
5 Responses Mar 2, 2011

And how does that affect the way you raise your kids?

When i saw the word aid in your post i thought you were joking. wtf my mother only aid was the "hit the bastid in the face get him, gethim!" so my parents idea of raising teenagers and children is a strange thing indeed as strange as it gets **** them!.

When i saw the word aid in your post i thought you were joking. wtf my mother only aid was the "hit the bastid in the face get him, gethim!" so my parents idea of raising teenagers and children is a strange thing indeed as strange as it gets **** them!.

sounds like you had a hard life too.

cherbear5471, I don't even know if I have a coping mechanism. I guess it just helps with the healing to have people to talk to when you need it. I mean I went through the abuse till I was 17 years old, when I finally moved out with my brother (while in college he got an apartment and moved me in, to save me yet again from our father). We had times where I did sit and actually cry it out with him. I was also able to confront my father, and though I was so scared of him that I was shaking, it helped as well. Even though our relationship is strained, my father did man-up and tell me and my brother that he was sorry. He told us how he was abused worse then we were and thought he took it out on us. It was a talk where he seemed to be more of a broken person and less of a monster, that I had thought him to be. And then lastly, I let it go in so many ways. I love my father in my own way (because he gave me life) and so I forgave in order to heal. Like I said though, he does still bring up some fear in me, so while I forgave, I do still keep some distance. I don't know, I hope that help some.

Thank you for sharing. No child should ever deserves to be treated as you were. My heart goes out to you . I have recently met this man and we share a very strong emotional bond. He has had a very abusive childhood, one of nine children, youngest boy who has had a very simliar back ground as yours. He is 41 and I wondered why he has always jumped from job to job, Married a controlling woman who has divorced him after 10 years. He misses his children and has a very rigid schedule in order to see them. He said he was diagnosed w/ add as well. But thru all of this , I feel such an emotional bond to him and I wish for him that he could find a good woman in his life. I think that someone who cared and understood his hurt. How do you help someone to overcome this traumatic childhood. He has tried to resolve this thru talking to his siblings , who just deny and suppress. His father does not admit anything happened nor will apologize in any way. What are your coping mechanisms? Thank you again.