At times you have to wonder, what goes through families mind. As a child when you would hear them talking in code so that you couldn't understand who they were talking about.

But for me now in my 40's, only still can't disclose to the majority of my families, cousins more in particular around my age. What really happened to me as a child. One minute I was there, then I disappeared. The abuse became a normality, hiding behind my mothers back. Yet everyone thought how wonderful this man was, my stepfather. He was a pervert. He would tell me that I was his wife's daughter, not his and he could do anything to me.

He hurt me, took my child hood away. I looked a people in a distort way. He hated my mothers family. He was jealous of her, but he had her.

My mother beat me, he would abuse me, my grandmother who lived with us, was a busy body, but she came like my shield. He hated her, he would complain that he couldn't make love to my mother, incase grandmother would hear them, her room was next door. (partition thin walls).

He had many excuses for not touching me, my bad eczema and she fell for it. It's our little secret. Don't tell no one they would get jealous, and if you tell your dad I would kill him. He said my mother would never believe me. Oh yes he was right, when he died, she beared all about what she thought of me and why he couldn't have done it.

I have and always will feel that my life has turned the way it has because I didn't understand what love was. When a problem I had I would walk away, only thing people use what they think about you, but never really knew you.

Only what they hear. My advice to anyone, if you are being sexually, physically and emotionally abused, please seek advice. The pain does not go away unless you are around trustworthy people. It took me years to find someone that I can trust, but he will never understand me. He still has his own reservations. I still believe that one day family will realise how wicked my mother was and behind all that strong, powerful and caring woman. She was a very callous uncaring and bitter mother. Trying to turn my children against me. Letters and emails don't lie.

Maybe I will take extract to show how evil, manipulated and twisted perverted men can fool a womans heart. My mother was one of them. I am free from her controlling ways and her push up lip.

God has truly kept me. I will continue thank my place of fellowship that have kept me going. Man fails, God never does. I am a living testimony.
DelVene DelVene
Sep 18, 2012