Childhood/childhell

Well i started reading these stories on here to see if there was any like mine, and heck there is a few, so i thought i would share mine

I know you mostlikely all don"t want to hear a big sob story, that's not what i am aiming for, i don't want attention, I just think if my story could help one person then its worth doing, I welcome anyone who is or has been in my situation to message me.
My childhood started pretty rocky, my mother suffers from mental illness, not just the "get depressed every now and again type" she had been in and out of mental wards my whole life, had many rounds of electric shock treatment and tried to taker her and my life many times.
Mum hated me, she blamed me for her "illness" she made sure i knew this, she treated me like dirt, i spend my whole like believing i was worthless....a curse...who could do nothing right. She told me i sucked the life and happiness out of everyone around me.
I have a sister 5 years younger than me, and if it wasn't for her, knowing i had to look after her, feed her, get her off to school. keep her safe from mum and make sure she knew what a blessing she was, then i would of killed myself for sure. I had no will to live, except her.
Mum pretty much did anything she could to make me suffer, i wasn't allowed to eat, i would steal food and eat out of sight, i wasn't allowed to make any noise, speak out of turn, express myself in ANY WAY. I wasn't allowed to be a person, I would have have to clean for like 12 hours straight, i just wasn't allowed to stop. or she would hurt me, this involved cutting, burning all sorts
Anyway years and years of this passed i become so numb, i don't even remember all of it.
When i was about 12 years old she found a boyfriend. A man who preyed on her state ans situation, took advantage of us all.
He would come into my room and sexually abuse me every night for 2 years, make me stand in front of him naked while he touched himself, then after a while he started touching me, it wasn't long un-till he was making me touch him, preform oral sex on him, him doing the same to me, then came the penetration and ruffness. He startd suffocating and hitting me while he was doing it,  in the meantime my mum was knocked out on her sleeping pills. He told me that if i told mum, or anyone, she wouldn't believe me, she would send me away. I believed this!!! the woman who hated me wouldn't pick me over him.
And if that happened...he would sexually abuse my little sister.
so naturally i kept my mouth shut and put up with it i felt like i had no choice, i felt like i was so worthless no one would believe me. 
I began taking mums pills, stealing, stashing & drinking there left over alcohol, untill i was drinking and popping pills every night, at the age of 12! Anything to suppress the little emotions i was still able to feel.
After 2 years of this hell my mum went into hospital again and my little sister got sent to live with her dad. That was my chance to get away!
I was sent from foster home to foster home for a coupe of years. I didn't fit in anywhere, i was a loner and never wanted to talk to anyone. i was a zombie.
In the end they gave up and let me live with my big sister who had been absent my whole life and knew nothing of my abuse. She was a drug fueled prostitute.
I never spoke to her or anyone about my abuse, just suppressed it as much as i could with help of any pills i could get my hands on.
I just moved on with life, i now am a happy mother of 2 :) I have a healthy relationship and feel emotionally secure and stable. I still havn't told anyone about my shady past and don't plan on ever doing it. I am off the drugs now. Which was also very hard!! i was very addicted!
I live a happy life, ANYONE who can concentrate of the good things in life and what they have to be happy about can do the same. I feel like "god" or "life" doesn't dish us up anything we can't handle. I might of gone through hell but i saved my little sister, i know that would of ruined her.
I might have had crap start but it made me who i am today, and gave me the life i have today and i wouldn't change that for the world.
I don't take **** from anyone because i feel like i earn't my happiness.
Everything happens for a reason, this was just my path!
Your path might be hard now but hang in there! you will also find your happy ending.
zeebea zeebea
22-25, F
Jan 6, 2013