He Was Horrible.

I loved my dad. I think it would have been easier if I hadn't, but I did. As a child I didn't know what he was doing was wrong until I expressed a dislike for his sexual abuse and he wouldn't stop.

At first I was just upset because he just didn't care about what I wanted. I just wanted to sleep. Of course I eventually found out what he was doing was seen as sick and wrong, and that caused me a lot of anxieity.

His tastes started to change and he began to act like a director whenever he started his abuse sessions. I was told to ask for things I didn't know, to talk about things I had no idea what it was, and he started to be rougher on my intimate areas.

I was in constant pain, especially through-out middle school. I was picked on horribly because I had "a face like a mouse" and walked "strangely". It's because I was so sore. It didn't help I was sensitive and kept to myself.

School was so hard to go to, but coming home was worse. My mother knew what was going on, but our mutial shame kept us from getting help. 

Konrad Konrad
22-25, M
19 Responses Feb 7, 2009

I am a mother that did report the abuse that my 3 year old son informed me of, 3 days after I broke up with his father for lying and drinking. He now has full sole legal and physical custody of my now 4 and 2 year old son's. I get to see them for 3 hours a week supervised by him or his new girlfriend, so they can't tell me if any more abuse occurs. The DFS did everything that they could to cover it up, and ignored my son's statement that "Daddy was bad and he was going to kill me for telling on him and he hurt my pee-pee" I will never stop fighting to get them back. But, what comforts me the most is that God WILL be the only true judge and he will not get away with it forever. I'm glad that you have overcome what has happened to you and thank you for sharing your story to be a comfort to others. PS> my son also said that he enjoyed the abuse that his father inflicted on him...

Too bad your mom didn't have more guts to do something about this. You probably have to forgive her too? Not easy.

huggles,I'm sorry I wish I could say something a bit more helpful but I know from experience that nothing anyone could say would ease the pain

Every single day abuse goes unnoticed. So many families have this dirty little secret in their lives and don't know what to do out of fear so they choose to ignore it. Not blaming your mother but I have seen time and time again where someone knew and said nothing, not just the other parent. I am so thankful to hear it didn't destroy you. You have the gift of healing in your hands. It is my hope that you will use it for the benefit of others. Blessings.

what can anyone say about deep secrets to painful to admit while these hurts are happening.trying your darndest thinking "why me"? Why can't i have a normal life where everyone loves, respects, and even cares for you? then you wonder is this the "norm"? is everyone's dad doing this ?answers yes agree with you the pain was uncalled for, yes the individual who perpetrated all the disgust,pain, and suffering is a wounded individual, no excuse for hurting you yet many wounded people duplicate what happened to them. which makes you wonder did his dad do that to him.normalcy today certainly isn't sexual abuse in any way shape or form. There are people who can love you back to a normal life.<br />
seek the help you need from professionals who have a real concern for how you were taken advantage of. and how to forgive yourself as well. sometimes in our human need for love we accept anything from our dads that may exemplyfy even a minute sense of he loves me . take care and please know in your heart of hearts you were never to blame the atrocities you suffered at the hands of your "DAD"!<br />

Huggs hope u live each day knowing you're a broken link- I mean that in the best way as abuse goes down from one generation to the next- be a broken link and the abuse will not continue and huggs!!!

I don't really know what to say because its hard to push past anger and hate for someone I don't even know. I'm so sorry you went through what you did. Thank you for your bravery and sharing your story.

I am proud to be talking to you. You are a living breathing walking talking survivor that is going on with his surviving! (((HUGS)))

:) its nice to hear u are having a good life.. can you give us ur story of how you actually got to where you are today? I think that will inspire all of us lesser mortals who havent been able to deal with issues well...

i read your story about hating your mother and wonderd why. now i know.<br />
I can never blame you , and yes it's unforgivable.<br />
all i hope is that you live a good life .

I told my mom my step-dad was abusing me. She knew it was going on but refused to leave him. It stopped, but the damage had been done. I'm sad to hear you had to go through what you did. I know what it's like to feel completely alone and misunderstood. Hopefully you can get (or already have gotten) to a place where you are able to see your true worth and not base who you are on what has happened to you in the past. It's hard when you're too ashamed to talk about it to anyone.

I'm heartbroken to learn this about *big hugs* One of my best friend went through that with her father and was able to forgive him. In my line of work I have heard similar stories but my clients are still working through their anger. It breaks my heart every time. You have taken a huge step in forgiving him. I commend you for that. You have been through hell! I am glad to hear that you have a good life now. I have a warm spot in my heart for you. Bless you.

as I can see ,he is very strong,I respect him very much!Cheers !*hugs

wow you are such a strong person , i cant imagine what it must have been like for you to go through all that and still maintain a love for you father . i almost cried *hugs*<br />
to say you have a good life now and not let you past effect is truly amazing , <br />
all my love to you

and now i'm crying...really,ussualy i'm not like that,I hate to express my feelings,but this story is...*hugs

I have seen this kind of abuse destroy families and lives.<br />
I'm glad you got through it and found some peace.<br />
Thanks for sharing.

I wish I was like you....saying I still loved my father. He killed himself and I wish I did it first, and it would not have been his way....a simple bullet to the head doesn't make me feel better. Kudos for you.

It could have been worse...I have a good life though.

HUGS I think the fact that you can love people that hurt you is the hardest thing about abuse. It warps your sense of love and reality. HUGGLE BUGGLES