I Can Accept Being Hurt

 

I lost many counts when I watched my best friends turn their backs and walk away from me. When I was in primary school, I have a best friend A. We're pretty close. A always came to my house and we played dolls together, sharing foods and secrets. Someday, B entered our life. B's very cute and I kind of liked her. Day by day, as I watched, A and B were getting pretty close. No, screw that. Very close. And I realized I was slipping away from them 'till I had no room between them anymore. I felt betrayed and hurt. Then, I moved to a new school (still in primary) and I met new friends. Friend C and I clicked and we always been together. Doing homework, hanging out. She was like a sister to me. A year passed, and we were already in secondary school but in separate schools. We didn't see each other much after that. One day, I saw her with her friends and you know what? She has changed. From this nice little girl-next-door to a sexy wild b*tch. My stomach tightened, my throat hurt and my eyes burned with unshed tears but I just looked at her, smiled, and said, "Hey, it's been a long time, eh?"

I realized friends that I met will left me sooner or later. I don't understand why. Maybe I haven't found the right ones. Maybe I was not meant to. It hurts so badly that I felt numb. There's too much pain that no amount of tears could wash it all away. I'm so scared. Scared of being alone. Scared of losing the grip. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Take a deep breath and keep going? Heh...

The pain was too deep that I don't give a sh*t almost about anything anymore. I can accept being hurt each time but I know it kills something in me deep down inside.

KissinCoffin KissinCoffin
18-21, F
5 Responses Mar 17, 2009

I know how this feels!<br />
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I've lost all the friends I used to be close with, we just drifted away because we had nothing in common.<br />
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You will find that other people will come into your life.<br />
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That doesn't make it any easier to loose the ones you care about though.....

I've been through this as well. Everything just as you described, only that the friend who changed was a whole group for me.<br />
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All I can say is...you will meet other people and not all relationships will turn out the same way. Don't give up on people! That's from my experience anyhow. I've now gained other friends who I connect with even more than the ones from before. At this age, people tend to be more mature, so maybe you'll forge deeper friendships. I know how you feel *hugs*

this reminds me of my own self ... always thought that "she" would be there for me but it was a never the same "she" and at this point in life.... i don't think this "she" wil be back soon :(

this story really puts me on thought....youre a wonderful person...you shoulg go forward!and you will se,life will order everything...

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with.. If you ever need some one to talk to hit me up :)