You Say Manipulation Like It's A Bad Thing

I know she was just trying to be helpful, concerned about my welfare.  And I know there are bad men out there, despite my euphoria over the sweetness of all mankind.  I'm not so blind to the evil that men - and women can perpetrate.  And I've been disappointed and betrayed.  So I didn't poo poo her comments.  I appreciated her desire to protect me.

But she is wrong about this, I think.

She'd written "I understand that it is very easy to imagine that a man who makes you feel relaxed and good about yourself is a good person. I felt so sad when I read the above exchange, as it is blindingly obvious to me, as an impartial observer, that this man is purely interested in his sexual gratification. He wants you to feel good and relaxed about yourself, so that you will reveal yourself for his pleasure. Of course, this may be something you want also, I don't know. I toyed with the idea of even responding to this story, but ultimately I felt I had to, because you seem like a lovely person, and I am worried that a few months down the line you will be writing a story about how you were manipulated, used and abused by this man."

In saying that C., my dear gentleman friend who wishes to cam and see my nude bod, is anything less than honourable, in worrying that he is using me for his own nefarious purposes and that he is going to hurt me, she overlooks something.

I am using him for my own nefarious purposes.  We are manipulating each other.  And enjoying almost every minute of it.

I am not some innocent virgin, unaware of the lusts of men.  I know about them, and I revel in them.  I have plenty of my own.

Her profile was a bit of a tip off.  She has written of that Anais Nin quote.  Subs love her.  It's all well and good, of course, but it is weighted heavily to a romantic ideal of sexuality.  The Dom is in a position of power, and the sub bends to his will.  It's not the cliched one, the "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."  She pulled the one that begins "I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader."  And it ends "I am going to be pursued, ******, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."

When I first began exploring the whole D/s thing, I gravitated toward that mentality, figuring it would be nice to be controlled by a strong man.  And it was, for a while.  At least  in the very limited way I experienced it via cyber sex.  But you know what?  It got boring.  And it's lazy.  To always expect the fella to do all that.  I get a thrill out of pursuing.  It's taboo, you know.  To go after a boy.  But I am done with being passive, waiting and following. 

And the thing is, this fellow is not a Dom.  He's a switch.  Who loves nudity.  And sex.  And self pleasuring.  This guy has taught me so ******* much about my body, it's ridiculous.  His insights about society and shame and a bunch of other stuff have shaped my thinking in ways that I'd never have anticipated.  I've had a lot of good teachers in my life, and a lot of good friends.  Rarely have those people let me down.  I count him as both a teacher and a friend.  I offered to be his lover, but he turned me down.  He has this thing against ******* married women, you see.  It's an unfortunate prejudice.  Happily, he has fewer reservations about camming with them. 

Perhaps the most salient point here is that I am not being compelled do something I don't wish to do.  I want to share the sight of my body with him, and I want to see his.  I get wet at the thought, honestly.  Maybe the story I wrote, the chat excerpt I shared, failed to convey that.  I hereby wish to declare the following:

My name is Milky, and I own my sexuality.  I have a hungry heart and a voracious *****.  I want to flash this guy my **** and hear his appreciative roar.  I don't wish to show them to just anyone.  But I know him well enough to believe that he will say something complimentary to make me feel warm inside.  It's not just men who wish to be seen naked.  I do too.  I want to watch his eyes widen as he takes in the sight of my unclothed body.  See the salacious smile touch his face as he views my breasts.  Hear the sharp intake of breath as I give him a gander at my lower lips. 

I  know this to be true:  he and I both desire this thing.  And I want to feed the voyeur in him because I believe he will reward me with appreciation and respect for the gift I'm sharing.  And I shall do the same for him.  I want to see his body, watch him ***.  It's as much about my own sexual gratification and pleasure as it is his.  Sex is fun.  Even cyber sex.  And I am not so much submitting to his will in this as making a decision to engage.

I'm not naive; I know that many men get off on the power trip associated with getting a woman to ***** for them.  He's been very above board from the get go, that his goal is to ***** me of my inhibitions and get me nekkid.  I believe it when he says he finds curvy women like me sexually attractive.  So there's no deceptive behaviour here, no sweet nothings whispered.  He's said he wants to enjoy the sight of my body.  And I feel the same about him.   I can't fathom writing a story in the future about feeling used or abused.  Unless he suddenly stopped writing to me, having scored a notch in his virtual bedpost, moving on to the next ****.  But you know what?  Tomorrow is promised to no man, and he never said he'd be around forever.  I would not feel ill used, even then.  And I would have a happy memory of doing something naughty with someone who made me laugh and made me feel more confident of my beauty.
milkynips milkynips
46-50, F
6 Responses May 22, 2012

I do understand the epistolary model, it’s a Greek word afterall ;-p<br />
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What usually happens, in this technique however, is that a third party collects and collates the correspondence i.e. the epistles, and publishes them. Sometimes they will add their own commentary to provide a narrative structure or, to simply comment on the dialogue.<br />
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Admittedly I am not familiar with your other posts here on ep. Nor am I used to your application of the technique.<br />
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At this point all I can do is thank you for your responses, both private and public, and reiterate my feelings towards Petitecoquine. She is a solid and genuine person.<br />
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It’s a real shame that you two have fallen out over this because, I believe, that you would have gotten on very well otherwise.

I know Petitecoquine very well and consider her to be extremely intelligent, honest, caring and kind. I also consider her to be a very good friend. A friend that, if I lost her, I would be diminished by that loss.<br />
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She asked my opinion on your original post and her response to it. Like her, I questioned your motives. Were you revelling in your relationship with this man? Did this make you want to share your joy in an open forum? Were you seeking validation for your future actions? Were you seeking an external conscience, somebody to stop you?<br />
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You are indeed an adult and should be wise enough to make your own decisions. I, also, admire your ownership of your sexuality. Something that is rare and something that I value. However, with permission or without, I am still confused as to why you would post a private conversation in such a public manner. <br />
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Perhaps this is why Petitecoquine has blocked you.

Perhaps you might read more of my posts to understand how I write. I let my friends know up front that I am a writer. I ask if I have their permission to use their words from chat and correspondence in my writing. I am working on a novel series as well as the posts I do here and elsewhere on line. This is a well established practice - the epistolary model. I am sorry you are unfamiliar with it. I shall write a post about this, I think, educating people about my madness.

I need to get used to folks being offended by my choices, I think. Petite's refusal to further discuss, even though I apologized to her, tells me that she would not wish to be my friend. I sent her a private message as soon as I saw her comment, she replied, and I endeavoured to respond only to realize I could not because she had blocked me. Her failure to accept my apology and attempt to explain shows that she is not the sort of person I wish to have as my friend.

If you manipulate me, Dearest Milk, I promise to manipulate you right back.

I shall hold you to that promise, Thomas. In fact, I shall hold you, period.

I think given the above response she hasn't paid a great deal of attention to your previous writings.

Yep. I realize that now. And I've heard from others that the lady is rather self absorbed, so I feel a bit better. I can live with the block. Ha!

I tried to reply to petitecoquine, but she had blocked me. Appears I pissed her off. Pity, because I wasn't trying to. I did appreciate what she said. It got me to thinking. As for the "posting private conversations," I do that routinely, having received permission from the other parties involved. I do not just publish correspondences without getting an okay.

When a woman takes ownership of who she is and what she does, is she impervious to manipulation?

Good question. I'd say no. But manipulation and persuasion are not inherently evil. It is only when someone betrays trust or lies or is unkind that one runs into trouble. At least, I think so.

Well, yes ... betrayal of trust is the great destroyer.

Please let me clarify. To cowboys, lying is beyond manipulation. For example, playing poker involves manipulation; but playing with a stacked deck betrays trust.