I Once Thought I Had A Mood Disorder

I once thought I was bipolar or depressed. Turns out I'm not. I just get moody. It has a lot to do with my thoughts. I am often unaware of the recordings in my head. Sometimes they say, "You're not good enough, you're not good enough, you're not good enough" over and over in my head and it brings me down. Other days it might have a happy song playing over and over and it makes me feel good. Some days it would bring to mind a situation that made me angry in the past and replay it over and over so that I would become angry and just really irritated by something that has nothing to do with the present. This is why I do the mindfulness exercises. I listen to my thoughts (boring though they can be) and just let it run its course. It can be really frustrating because often times I really want to fight back, to change the topic, to shift focus, but running isn't the answer and fighting makes the recording keep playing. So I just listen and listen and listen until it just...stops.
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26-30
Aug 3, 2010