Irritated

Nice comment :)

I very much agree with your post! I've been shy my whole life and a lot of people that try to get you to come out of your shell have no idea what they're talking about. They say "just talk to him!" or "it's easy!" etc etc and it really doesn't help.



I think Western culture has the idea that shyness is a weakness and something to pity, while in other countries I don't think it's always seen that way. I think there are some pluses and some minuses to shyness. The pluses are things like being more likely to be empathetic towards others, more kind, and more thoughtful. The minuses can include missing out on things that you want to do but feel like you can't do because you're shy.



So for me, there are parts of my shyness that I'm glad to have, and other parts that make things a lot more difficult for me, like making a phone call or raising my hand in class. I'm working to confront the things that I feel I could improve on and that are holding me back and write about it here: http://theshynessproject.wordpress.com/ . But I do believe in the positives of shyness, as well as the negatives. I think if you're content with being shy and quiet, then that should be accepted. But if there are some things that you wish you could do but you think you can't do them because you're shy, then I think you shouldn't let your shyness interfere with your life.



Nice post! :)

thank you!



yeah... I understand that all too ofen... :-/

Well said :-)



After being repeatedly slapped down year after year, it seems a much more sensible path to watch, listen and only speak when it's absolutely required.

you're welcome...

U r so rite. Im told to get over it. And to stop bein such a snob. They dont know what its like to just want 2 hide from people. Thanks 4 bein a voice for the forgotton and misunderstood.

awww... *you are gonna make me need a tissue!* Thanks for the lovely comment, Lady C... :)

xo

It is not such a problem here at all, L. I am comfortable, I guess. It is in RL social situations, mostly. When I started here, though, I needed a little encouragement. Now, I don't shut up! lol



I agree, and it is why I have both in my circle as well. The outgoing ones bring me out of my shell, and get me to have fun, but also respect that I am not like them. If only I could find people in RL who gave me such a chance. Here, someone can get to know me pretty well from my stories, and since I am comfortable, it is easy to socialize with both types of personality, and share with those I am close to. :)

*hugs* Dee

This discussion hits a real nerve for me, as well. It is probably one of the main sources of the pain that has been pushed down and covered over, that I still need to deal with. That's about all I can say right now.

exactly.

I hate the way people think you are miserable just because you are shy. I have a very good sense of humour and can laugh and joke with the best of them but in my own surroundings with people who know me. Just because I don't open up at work to loud outgoing extroverts does not mean I am miserable.

thanks kittensoft. I, too, am working on my assertiveness. Writing here helps....This story is fairly assertive! lol



well put, scoobs... rant away.



Thanks, B, and you're welcome. :)

It is very frustrating and it is a vicious circle as scoobs says. I like the way I am too. If someone thinks I should change, to be more "normal", then they, to me, aren't worth knowing.

Thank you and AMEN. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME JUST BECAUSE I AM VERY SHY. HOW CAN WE ACCEPT OURSELVES IF SOMEONE KEEPS TELLING US OR INDICATING TO US SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH US. (my rant is over)

exactly.

I love most people, whether confident or shy.

But I can't imagine where people get the idea that there's anything "wrong" with being shy. To me, it's a personality type, the same way as talkative, active, or any other traits are considered, inborn and then shaped by life experience.

It's most important to just be a good person, extrovert or introvert. That's all that really matters, and if shyness is to be overcome, it will happen naturally, certainly not with anyone pushing others into uncomfortable situations.

thanks marcus



Not being accepted or snubbed because of it, just hurts. And it does create insecurity and anxiety where maybe there wasn't necessarily any in the first place. How sad for your nephew, k! My mother is very outgoing too, and although I don't remember he doing extreme things like that, I remember her always apologizing for my shyness, like I had some kind of mental problem. GRRR. I think you are right in it being an indication of a higher level of awareness because often overly outgoing people OVERLOOK us and our contributions. We sit back and we observe and I think a lot of times that makes non-shy people a bit nervous....



thank you outercalm

very nicely written



some of the most outgoing people I know are also the least confident

I was definitely born shy, it was just my natural reaction to the world around me. I think shyness is just an indication of a higher level of awareness and a need to observe and process before engaging socially. But my shyness became even more extreme when it was not accepted by my family. Instead of just being accepted, I was pushed to be something I wasn't, creating fears and insecurity. Funny how that works. I am witnessing this in a young nephew of mine. He is naturally shy, but his very extroverted mother is indignant at his displays of shyness in public and has actually traumatized him many times by forcing him onto complete strangers and leaving momentarily, and has only created fears when before he was just a little shy. Now he covers his entire face when in public, cannot tolerate any eye contact with anyone outside his immediate family circle and is "even worse". Shyness and introversion are still not socially accepted as normal personality traits, so I understand destry.

destry: right on. you hit one very significant nail on the head for me: when I was growing up, I absolutely DESPISED super-confident people.



I guess I tended to use that as a reason for me staying even MORE in the shadows when I was younger, because I was afraid to be even remotely like them, or like that.



It's not that I wanted to be labeled "anti-confident". I guess I just found their way of doing things akin to so much NOISE and stomping on other people (!)



*mini shy-rant over too...;)*



-marcus