Why People End Up With Abusers

     IT HAS BEEN ABOUT EIGHT YEARS SINCE I WAS ABUSED BY A THERAPIST. I HAD KNOWN AND BEEN A PATIENT OF THIS THERAPIST FOR FOUR YEARS. I WAS VULNERABLE, NAIVE AND BELIEVED I COULD TELL HIM ANYTHING BEING THAT A THERAPIST IS SUPPOSED TO BE SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST TO TELL YOUR MOST PERSONAL INFORMATION TO. THIS THERAPIST OBVIOUSLY WAS IN A POSISTION OF POWER AND SPENT FOURYEARS COERCING AND GROOMING ME BEFORE HE ACTED OUT SEXUALLY. WHEN HE FIRST STARTED ABUSING ME I FROZE UP AND DID NOT KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION. I WAS SO FULL OF FEAR THAT THE ONLY THING I COULD DO AT THE TIME WAS GO ALONG WITH IT. I HAD CONFIDED IN HIM AND WAS MADE TO BELIEVE I WAS SPECIAL. IT WENT ON FOR ABOUT FIVE MONTHS AND WASN'T UNTIL I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS ABUSING A MINOR. THIS IS WHEN I TOOK ACTION! I AND THE MINOR BOTH TOOK LEGAL ACTION WHICH WAS THE BEGINNING OF A SEVEN YEAR COURT CASE. IT IS VERY HARD TO PROVE WHEN IT IS YOUR WORD AGAINST THEIRS. WHEN THIS TYPE OF ABUSE HAPPENS, EVERYTHING THEY TOLD YOU BECOMES A LIE. ALSO, HE PRAYED ON THE MOST VULNERABLE PATIENTS WHO ALREADY HAD ISSUES WITH THINGS LIKE CHILD ABUSE, RELATIONSHIPS, PTSD ECT. AFTER FIGHTING FOR SEVEN YEARS AND DEALING WITH DEPOSISTIONS, YOUR ENTIRE PAST BEING BROUGHT UP, OPPOSING LAWYERS TELLING YOU THAT IT WAS YOUR FAULT ECT. I WON THE CASE! THE MINOR HOWEVER, WHO'S CASE WAS CRIMINAL WAS NOT SO LUCKY.
     I FOCUSED ON THIS FOR A LONG TIME AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT SO DEPRESSED THEN SUICIDAL I HAD A COMPLETE TURN AROUND. I REALIZED THAT THROUGH MY EXPERIENCE I COULD USE IT TO HELP OTHERS OR STAY A VICTIM AND DIE. I STARTED DOING A LOT OF RESEARCH, AM CURRENTLY WRITING A BOOK ON EXPLOITATION BY PROFESSIONALS AND AM SPEAKING OUT ABOUT WHAT HAPPENNED. THIS IS WHAT HAS SAVED ME.
     EVEN WITH MY PAST EXPERIENCES HOWEVER, I STILL CONTINUE TO END UP WITH ABUSIVE MEN. IT IS A PATTERN THAT I HAVE NOT YET FIGURED OUTHOW TO BREAK. MY MOST RECENT EXPERIENCE INVOLVED A GUY WHO WAS VERY CHARMING AT FIRST, HAD A GREAT PERSONALITY, MADE ME LAUGH ECT. THE SAME CHARACTOR TRAITS OF A NARCISSIST OR A SOCIOPATH {ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY DISORDER}. WE HAD KNOWN EACHOTHER AND HAD DATED OFF AND ON FOR ABOUT THREE AND A HALF YEARS BEFORE WE GOT TOGETHER. WE DECIDED TO GET OUR OWN APARTMENT IN JUNE OF 2009. THE SAME DAY THAT I PAID THE DEPOSIT, FIRST AND LAST MONTHS RENT ECT. I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT. THIS WAS QUITE A SHOCK. HE LEFT ME SIX DAYS LATER. I WAS NOT ONLY DEVASTATED, I ALSO HAD NO IDEA HOW I WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO PAY THE RENT AND ALL THE BILLS. I HAD A MISCARRAIGE SIX WEEKS LATER. WE DIDN'T SPEAK FOR ABOUT FIVE MONTHS. THEN WHEN HE GOT KICKED OUT OF HIS MOM'S, HE CAME OVER AND TOLD ME HE LOVED AND MISSED ME AND WANTED TO BE BACK TOGETHER. I ACTUALLY FELL FOR THIS WANTING SO DESPERATLY TO BELIEVE HIM. DESPITE THE VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE THAT STARTED HAPPENING AFTER A FEW MONTHS THEN CONTINUED TO GET WORSE, I STARTED TO SEE THE REALITY OF WHAT WAS HAPPENING. I DID NOT SEE THE EXTENT OR SEVERITY OF THE ABUSE UNTIL HE FINALLY LEFT ON FRIDAY, JULY 2ND., 2010. SOON AFTER WE HAD GOTTEN BACK TOGETHER, I GOT DOUBLE PNEMONIA AND ENDED UP IN ICU ON A BREATHING TUBE AND LIFE SUPPORT FOR FIVE DAYS THEN WAS MOVED TO ANOTHER FLOOR IN THE HOSPITAL. HE STAYED WITH ME THE WHOLE TIME EXCEPT FOR COMING HOME TO SHOWER AND FEED MY CATS. HE WAS REALLY CONVINCING TO ME AND OTHERS AS WELL. HE EVEN CRIED WHICH I REALIZED LATER THAT HE COULD TURN ON THE TEARS WHEN HE WANTED TO LOOK CONVINCING. WHEN HE LEFT THAT FRIDAY NIGHT AND GAVE MY OTHER SET OF HOUSE KEYS ECT. HE THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE HIM BACK THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE I HAD BEFORE. I GUESS BECAUSE OF THE EXPERIENCES I HAD BEEN THROUGH BEFORE, I HAD AN INCREDIBLE AMOUNT OF INSIGHT AND REALIZED I DID NOT EVER WANT HIM BACK IN MY LIFE AGAIN. I WAS DONE WITH BEING ABUSED, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY AND THE PHYSICAL ABUSE HAD JUST STARTED AND WOULD HAVE ESCALATED QUICKLY. I STARTED WRITING AND COULD NOT STOP. I WROTE THIRTY FIVE PAGES IN TWO DAYS ABOUT SO MANY THINGS THAT I WAS KEEPING IN FOR SO LONG. I USED TO FEEL SORRY FOR HIM BECAUSE HE HAD A VERY HARD CHILDHOOD AND WAS VERY ABUSED. EVEN WHEN HE WAS SCREAMING AT ME AND SAYING THE MOST CRUEL THINGS IN A RAGE I WOULD TRY AND BE UNDERSTANDING. I WOULD TELL MYSELF IT WAS NOT PERSONAL AND IT WAS HIS PTSD MIXED WITH ALCOHOL. I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH AND DECIDED I WAS NEVER GOING TO PUT MYSELF IN THE POSISTION FOR HIM TO TALK TO OR TREAT ME THAT WAY EVER AGAIN.
     I HAVE AND AM KEEPING A LOG OF ALL MESSAGES, EMAILS, TIMES HE TRIES TO COME OVER AND WHATEVER ELSE HE HAS DONE OR MIGHT DO. I HAVE BEEN ASKING QUESTIONS ABOUT WHEN, HOW AND AT WHAT POINT DO I NEED TO GET THE POLICE INVOLVED.
     AS MUCH AS IT SEEMS LIKE THE PATTERN CONTINUES, I AM READY TO FIND THE SOLUTION TO BREAKING IT!!!
sierra7 sierra7
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 18, 2010

It is very understandable why you have felt empathy for from another person who has been abused. But the pattern only stops when you get tough and decide NO MORE. <br />
If he wont take no for an answer then maybe you need to contact the police now.