Just Like A Candle....

Good morning ole chaps ! This is the story of a young, yet wise girl who has set foot on her spiritual journey throughout life.
She breathes the air as if it were her last breath. I probably shouldnt speak in third person...although it does make it sound more mysterious.
Oh well...
At first I was very doppleganger-like. have you heard this term before? this relates to being evil. Not evil in the sense of killing man or anything like that, just I suppose,..evil to myself. I had 0 self confidence yet I would always take the stage. BUT IT was all a bunch of hogwash. every word that came out of my mouth was evil. You could see and feel the energy being sucked out of other human life forms just by the words that exited my circle of death.
Although, i was too aloof to even realize. My energy could possibly affect another?
but of course it can !
everything in this universe is solely based upon energy. whether it be human energy or just the dynamic life energy.
It goes back to einstein, its true. Just a look, a gesture or the way the wind blows.
HUman energy is scarce and people are constantly fighting for it. That's what causes most conflict. the strive for more human energy. You dont realize youre sucking the life out of another until they are left weakened..but sometimes theyll fight back.
IM kind of just rambling with sweetass insight because I dont like to exactly write about my personal experiences...ehh **** that
I thought i was in love
but I guess What i thought to be wasnt
or maybe I couldve been but the other person wasnt
I like to conjure things in my brain and talk to myself aloud and figure them out. 
Its the only way to go.
I mean...I guess you could know somebody like the back of your hand...specially after being with them constantly for 2 years straight..just as friends though...although there was always this weird ...i suppose you could say it was lust..although i thought it was chemistry..sorry if i felt the magic in the air.. and then once the l word is brought into play ...everything changes
This is how I feel.
like i was played a fool
Constant mind games and bullshit.
Its all just the same old same old.
Im glad I know how to deal with rejection quite well
hahahaha
well, I mean i dont hold grudges
of course i flipped out after the L word and then only to find that it was just a quick ****. That sucked either way.
I look back upon this experience and think hmm what could i have done differently?
well first off, i couldve gone the way of the dream
why oh why do i go against my gut intuition
because im too naive?
I cant even say i was thinking with my vag, because **** damn it didnt even feel too great !
and then...the awkwardness comes along.
Probably because you were acting like a complete stranger. never ever have I seen this side of you. wondering OH GOD WHATS HE GUNNA DO HOW DOES HE FEEL.
You cant try to read peoples minds.
because it doesnt work.
well, for some it does.
but not in that sense.
its all just a bunch of worry illusions.
Who knows.
so in the end he went off and blasted in some chick who leech sucked on his neck and then a couple days later he's got a gf.
the funny thing is. Im actually really happy for him.
I seriously have 0 hateful thoughts toward him. and im becoming friends with his new gal.
Our whole relationship was just one big misconception.
This has helped me to find myself.
I was on a path of i dont even know what the hell and now my mind is more crisp than ever and I can flaunt my personality ever so swiftly, which by the way is my fave thing to do !
BUT the ONLY reason I have shared this experience..is because not only did it boost my confidence by approximately 7008 percent...for some odd reason...but it also got me closer to my dad. haha that sounds creepy.
no, my father and I have a really spiritual connection but we never really would converse at a higher level. now its like every single day were on the astral-plane !
stranger thing is this boy...yes BOY not MAN i am speaking of has the same bday as good ole pop and i suppose it was to help me realize that i shouldnt fear anything. why the **** did i go so long being a coward? I guess because my opinion went both ways. One was like boys are always supposed to go after the girl. the other was screaming on the inside of my mind TELL HIM TELL HIM but couldnt seem to get past my lips.
Now, reminiscing, i see we didnt have a very strong connection. We'd talk and not even really look at each other. wtf?
He was the only person i had any weirdness with, although it wasnt weird when it was happening.
THis is def an amazing space to vent
thank you dearly blank purple page of awesomeness
i will be back with some seriously way cooler stories, i just wanted to vent. I havent told anybody this besides my mom.......

 

amyriadofmelodies amyriadofmelodies
26-30, F
Aug 10, 2010