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Zen Update

Zen philosophies are too often antiquated, not practicable for these days unlike the ones below.


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me the Hell alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.

13. Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ***... then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Kahakai Kahakai 61-65, M 11 Responses Nov 12, 2012

Your Response


Here's another "It may be your sole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others". :D

I like them all :-)
Especially numbers 2, 11 and 13 ;-)

Hahaha Thank you! This is very funny.

my phone answering mind of its own just spells whatever it wants lol

lol stupid phone got me shutter testing lol

??? Translation please.

i i needed a smile;)

thanks for the giggle!

Good one

I still love to practise Zen philosophies. I belive it is too difficult but it is worth.

Love them ALL, when I have time writing them out for the kids :)

Thanks for that! Just what I needed!