I Died Inside

i really was dead inside,i couldn`t find any reason to live.no point in life.the darkness had engulfed me.and it was so,so cold.i didn`t care about my life.i actually could reason my death being better than being alive.the things that happend,even now its hard to belive that i was the one it was happing to.i tremble just remembering it.it is hard to get over the part of me that still harbours hate at those who wrounged me.that will be my curse.to have that rage that can never be allowed to be free.and it haunts me .it makes me be as nice to others as i can be.i can feel the fire just below my skin.it is very freightning at times.but that is when i do more to help others.it is a curse and a blessing.it drives and it destroyes.i am not perfect,i cannot escape the past.for it will alwqays be their;just look behind my eyes and you to will see it.

ghostofmyself ghostofmyself
36-40
8 Responses Mar 28, 2009

Babylon - your days are numbered<br />
<br />
Babylon – to you arrive all nations of the earth<br />
Tripping over themselves in haste<br />
Like silly schoolgirls after their first kiss<br />
You enslave the souls of men<br />
You fish for men with a wide cast net<br />
You are shameless in your glory<br />
<br />
“Kill the innocent and blind” the city elders declare<br />
Switch the good for the bad shamelessly in the open<br />
Engage the false weights and cast the hidden nets<br />
Alive or dead we cannot tell the difference anymore<br />
Just eyes unbl<x>inking in the dungeon without light<br />
Breathing is all we can do in shallow fits<br />
<br />
Babylon – the wonder of the world<br />
The epitome of all covetousness<br />
Dark with blood the outer streets cannot be trod<br />
Crimson the inner streets are reveled in great delight<br />
Whether wine or blood we cannot tell the difference anymore<br />
The endless feasting continues in revelry without end<br />
<br />
Eating unborn children of the innocent as delicacies<br />
Gorging yourself on mindless violence and lust<br />
Bottomless is the pit of your enormous desire<br />
Caught on fire of hell, and to hell you raise your black banner<br />
Like the Flying Dutchmen tales of yore<br />
You fly your hellish media ship through innocent minds<br />
<br />
Without conscience you hook your prey <br />
Without regard your victims roast on the spit<br />
Fine the wine of your indulgence; heady the smoke of your preference<br />
Like well cured opium your helpless sufferers assuage your heart<br />
In a cloud of ecstasy – a rainbow of gold and silver and precious gems<br />
Unmentionable in written language; ancient hieroglyphics grace the tombs<br />
<br />
Money and trade no longer have meaning<br />
Possessions and accomplishments are another yawn<br />
Power and control are now your addictive vice <br />
Manipulation and oppression the foundation of your charter<br />
Exploiting the earth for no common good<br />
You weave the mirage of global warming to gold plate your empire<br />
<br />
To the victor belong the spoils<br />
To the oppressed belongs the heavy burden<br />
To the helpless belongs death<br />
To the childless belongs emptiness without satisfaction<br />
To the outcast belongs humiliations<br />
To the publicly damned belongs the guillotine and the fiery spit<br />
<br />
Those who call yourselves Christian<br />
Those who think they know the signs of the times<br />
Prepare yourself for unfair judgment on earth<br />
But . . .there will be those who exploit the blind spots of the evil regime<br />
Those for whom the cross draws near in spirit and in flesh<br />
Those for whom the is chosen a way through pure madness<br />
<br />
Mad I am – as mad as the Hatter<br />
Falling through the rabbit’s hole and chasing a timeless clock ticking<br />
The scream of the oysters in their shell resonates clearly in my mind<br />
The inevitability of checkmate in eleven moves is clear<br />
However there is always a hope<br />
And once again when then Cheshire cat grins and fades<br />
<br />
At the fading is aways opportunity for advance<br />
Take up your swords, take up your shields<br />
For today is the day we stand together without falling<br />
For the sunlight arrives at dawns edge with a multitude of angels<br />
At the edge of dawn we make our counterattack<br />
And none will survive the Rider of the white horse<br />
<br />
For vengeance is Mine, sayeth the Lord<br />
The grapes are well trod, and ready is the cup of My wrath<br />
From which I will make the nations drunk and reel at the pouring out<br />
Of the pouring out of the wine of My wrath there will be no recovery<br />
So drink deep and reel and forget who you are and where you come from<br />
For now you are Mine to knead as bread; to scrape as refuse<br />
<br />
Fall away you dross<br />
Rise to Me, you purified<br />
For an end is determined<br />
A rest for the weary<br />
I named you<br />
And with your name in mind<br />
<br />
I bring you home again . . . . . . .<br />
<br />
by Compelled Three

I read your story,I admire your ability to express your <br />
self, about your feelings.I think it's great you are in touch with your feelings, by being good to others, perhaps the rage you feel will lessen.. Thank you for sharing, you have helped me...

I read your story,I admire your ability to express your <br />
self, about your feelings.I think it's great you are in touch with your feelings, by being good to others, perhaps the rage you feel will lessen.. Thank you for sharing, you have helped me...

wow!!!! i can soo relate. I couldnt of said it better myself...

thank you as well.

thank you as well.

thank you.

I hear your pain and admire your strength and how you have turned it into something positive by being good to others. I understand that it is both a blessing and a curse, life is funny like that, the same way our greatest strength is often our greatest weakness. I hope that you have the support you need to ensure that the dark rage doesn't take over because it can be a fine line to walk and you need to continue to express it positively so it doesn't eat you up. I'm sorry that life has been hard to you. My heart goes out to you.