Rescuing Versus Setting Boundaries
This is still a learning experience for me to this date. When I realize that I am trying to make life easier for someone I love at the risk of my health and happiness, it redefines the need for personal boundaries. Enabling is all that happens when you rescue. Everyone must learn the consequenses of their actions.
I recently married a man with an ex wife and two young kids. They have been divorced for about six years. The kids are great. Suddenly once we marry, all hell breaks lose.
His ex filed for full custody and kept him from seeing his kids until the court awarded her primary custody. He just crawled in a hole and whined. Apparently he had been obeying his ex's wishes in regards to his children all this time.
I heard him complain about not seeing them, yet he didn't fight for his visitation. I heard him complain about wanting them in public school, but he didn't do anything. OK, now I am in his life so I can help him.
I look up all the laws on the subjects. I help him find a good lawyer. I keep up with each and every date that his ex denies him visitation. I get the kids national testing scores. I fix up the house so the kids each have their own space. I help him purchase items of great interest to the kids (bribes) like a dirt bike, go carts, computers, personal televisions, etc.
Guess what... two years later... nothing has changed. Nothing but us being out alot of money. He just complains and fears the kids hating him if he causes their mom problems.
I cannot change any one but myself!