Help With The Vicious Cycle Of Co-dependency

My wife and I have been married 3.5 years. We both have issues that we need to work on, mainly co-depent issues and sick emotional baggage we've both developed as coping mechanisms from our past. I'm very much into trying to change, I 've read and studied Codependency No More, great book by the way, but my wife just isn't to the point where she wants to change, or at least she hasn't taken the action to change. She is absolutely absorbed with Facebook, and other social media which includes having her phone glued to her hands at all times. We have sex about 6-7 times a year, and I don't feel comfortable talking to her about anything that could make her uncomfortable. The advice I"ve gotten is to be patient, and focus on myself and what I can change about me. That is much easier said than done. I seem to go through this cycle that consist of me "telling her what I think we need to work on" and how she should consider reading the above mentioned book in particular or going to counseling. She immediately isolates, and gets defensive. I've tried every approach never rasiing my voice, and trying to be as constructive as possible. Long story short this usually ends with an arugment. Funny thing is that I get a huge relief from this. Not the arguing which I hate, but perhaps finally getting things off my chest that have been squirel caging for weeks. Then for several days things are golden between us, at least from my view point, but after around a week, my frustration builds up and I"m right back where I was before our "talk". Is this just a co-dependent cycle? What can I do to break this and relieve my frustrations in some healthy way? Thanks very much in advance.
arpilot37 arpilot37
36-40, M
Jan 11, 2013