I Am Much More Coherent When Writing Than When Speaking

I'm a very nervous, neurotic person, and I'm painfully shy. I have a social phobia. I have many insecurities, and I'm constantly thinking that nobody will want to hear what I have to say, that no one will care, that I've got nothing interesting to contribute. So I find it very difficult to speak aloud, and when I do, I always stumble over my words, I get confused, I get tongue-tied, and I muddle everything up, which embarrasses me, and makes me not want to speak very much. My mind often goes completely blank when I have to speak to someone, too. It's either that, or I just can't get the words out properly. Thus, I never properly say what I really want to say.

So, instead I write about it. I constantly feel like I’m carrying around this huge, overbearing weight that presses down on my shoulders, and it helps a little to put pen to paper - or fingers to keyboard - and expel some of that pent-up emotion by writing it down. I write everything I'm feeling, everything I'm thinking (though I don't post all of it.) Writing things down often helps me to put things into perspective, too - it helps me to sort things out in my head, to figure out what exactly I'm feeling if I'm confused about my emotions.

I think another reason I can write better than I can speak is that when I'm writing there's no pressure or time limit on me to get things out there. You know what I mean? When someone's speaking to you, they're waiting for a response, and you can't take as long as you need to sort things out in your head. I need time for that. I need to ponder, to figure out what it is I think about something. I don't automatically have the answers. Words don't come naturally to me, but when I'm writing, they just flow. When I write I don't stumble or hesitate, I don't skip a beat, I rarely have to stop and think about it..the words just pour out of me.

I wish I could be as articulate as this when speaking aloud.