I Can't Forget It!

LOL thanks, so much! ;-)

Rog....I'm so very sorry that you went thru that, they say that what does not kill us makes us stronger! You must be one hell of a strong man.... Hugs to you my friend...T

I know how you feel. My father was cruel and vindictive and did much to ruin my childhood. It began when I was 5, when he punched me in the face. I was downstairs, getting ready to go out. At that age, there was nothing I could ever have done or said that merited such treatment. i was made to lie to grandparents etc that I had run into the corner of a table. From then on, for 11 years, he regularly used to beat me, without reason - often just kicking me, while I was on the ground - and saying he would break my back. In some ways, the weeks that followed when he pretended I did not exist were worse, for a child. He was like a bomb waiting to go off. Nobody knew when it would happen, but it inevitably did and I was always the one he went for.



I don't recall him ever saying well done in connection with anything I have achieved - exams, prizes etc. He did not come to my graduation ceremony.



In later life, he became a pathetic figure. My mother had an affair with an amazingly ugly man. Although they stayed together, she came to despise him (she mentioned, recently, that he never marked their wedding anniversary, even with a card). Although I talk of him in the past, he is still alive, but in a home, suffering from Alzheimer's.



So, I look back on my childhood with a sense of dread, wishing that even the happy times - and it was not total mayhem - had not been haunted by the next approaching storm.

escher....I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom for you....is he maybe just cruel now because he is sick and not in his right mind? My grandma was like that the last few years....but I knew it was really her....and now I laugh about the fits she gave me...and I have wonderful fond loving memories of her.



An Pix....you are an amazing lady....thank you so very much for your kind comments.



Stevem7.... I guess I'm just angry about his gf grankids were like oh he was a great guy and he just loved to tease us. I'm like WTF...We never got that as kids. And then I was like Who TF are they talking about....but your right I see your point....but I feel cheated....and I guess thats what has me mas as H#LL

Take solace in the fact that he is gone and can never ever hurt you again. You don't need fond memories of someone who wasn't a positive influence in your life.

im sorry sweetheart... the reason you took his death harder than you thought you would is because despite how terrible of a person he was, you are a good person with a caring heart

..that cant be changed and shouldnt be... (((hugs)))

PT...thanks for you kindness and luv and hugs back at you!



Moon: I doubt he had any regrets....he just wasn't that kind of person to voice a regret....



I have learned that even in death he can still cause me pain.. I had thought for years that I had put it all past me....but now I have the pain again...and the memories...that are so unkind....I just wish I could put it all in the past again... OH I will in time as you said time heals...but I just want it over...

i'm sorry for your loss tks. I believe your husband is correct regardless he was still your father. even though the memories aren't the the memories a child might want of their parents.



losing a parent is always hard regardless.

luv you girl and many hugs