I Need to Stop Loving Him

I would love to stop loving my ex. After dating for almost four years, he just felt he cannot be in a relationship with me anymore. That was almost two years ago. I have humiliated myself on a number of occasions, showing him covertly and often overtly how much I wanted him back (I'd rather not go into details, its too painful) Thank fully, I've stopped that about a while ago, & now keep contact with him too a bare minimum, which must absolutely delight him (because of professional relations he still has frequent contact with my close relatives) I have gone over and over in my mind as to why I just cannot stop loving him (I even sometimes go through periods where I am absolutely convinced that I am over him, only to find myself aching for him all over again) - is it because he is the first man I've made love to; is it because I never really got a believable reason as to why he is breaking up with me (he said until the end that there was nothing wrong with me (the whole cliche -thing "its not you, its me", he'll never meet someone like me - if I am so bloody wonderful, then why leave me?!); is it because I am so egotistic and vain that the thought of someone leaving me (ME?!) is just unthinkable; is it because I am just a sucker for punishment , severely masochistic & deep down relish this torturous feeling of loving someone that does not love me back - no wait its definitely not the last option because, God knows, as much as I love him, I would rather have never met him - because I hate this feeling of utter despair, incompleteness, loneliness, inability to fall in love with anyone else, I absolutely positively hate loving him, because it makes me something I'm not - a cynical, pathetic, selfish obsessive person when I know I'm really none of the above - but just like this love, I sometimes cannot stop myself portraying these loathsome characteristics. I've prayed to God to please take away this utterly destructive love not because he does not deserve it (he really is a remarkable human being (with good and bad sides), & I know it broke his heart to realize he does not love me anymore- he probably realizes that he'll never find anyone again who will love him this much & he probably felt really bad that he could not love me back the same way. Anyway, as I said I had prayed to Our Heavenly Father to take away this excruciating love, but He has yet to answer my prayers, perhaps He might provide an answer through someone else reading this, because I really really really need to go on...

tristis tristis
22-25
1 Response Feb 19, 2009

Sometimes, we never get over our exes. We just move on with someone new. It helps to forget about the one who got away. We all have that person in our past. Sometimes, men are just not ready and it really has nothing to do with who they are with at the time. It sounds so dehumanizing, but I read it described like a taxi. A taxi can drive around and we look for one that has its light turned on. Then when the light turns on they pick up the next available passenger and marry that girl! Nothing to do with the girl. She did not make that man want to commit. He was just at hat time in his life and the next girl to get in gets the ring. I hate that analogy but it makes sense to me. I am sorry but please know that you are not alone. I have three amazing exes to get over. Bt guess what? They need to get over us too.