I Am Being Discharged By My Pain Doctor And I'm At The Brink Of Suicide

Everything was good until I had a flare up and I had to use more of the pain meds so I would not be bedridden and try to find a job. Then he sent me a letter acusing me of overusing for the fun of it and that he wouldn't be my doctor anymore. I am calling him today, and if I can't convince him that I am not a recreational user, that I overuse my meds for fun, I am taking all the OC I have and good bye world. I am sorry for the pain I will cause to those who love me. To my mom who is in another country. To my inlaws. To my boyfriend. But I refuse to live in pain. Is this a suicide note? Maybe. Wish me luck so it doesn't have to be. I was trying to live my life to the best of my ability. But these doctors with a God complex think that are higher than thou. Well, FU doc. FU system. I hope I have a nice funeral.

isuckateverything isuckateverything
31-35, F
3 Responses Feb 15, 2010

i know i dont know u,but i kear u,i have really bad depression,im sad that u may take your life because of the dr not helping u,but if u do happy in a way,because u dont hurt anymore

I gave it a thought, but what (sp) happenened in the past days pushed me more over the edge....I had a mild overdose with carisoprodol, fell on my face and almost burned my apartment. I'm tired. Really tired. This is no living. For those of you without pain, count your blessings, it's devastating - plus the depression that comes with it. I'm tired and my energy is drained, I'm not the person I was a year ago. I might go with it, what's the difference? This is no life, I ask God every night to take me because I'm exhausted, tired, I don't want to feel any more. Maybe tomorrow, who the heck knows, I have full prescriptions for opiates and that should do it. F@@@ the people that say it's se;lfish, only ONE knows how much pain they can tolerate, and it should be ONE's decision to end it. If there's a God up there, I hope he can see my reasons. I'm a ticking time bomb.

Have you tried hypnosis? You should before you try to kill yourself.