Letting Go, Accepting and Surrendering...

 I have experienced a lot of sadness and pain due to a break up that i could not understand or accept or let go. The most important thing i can say is that sadly, in these situations, we create a lot of pain for ourselves.. it took over my entire life, i couldnt eat. sleep. work, left the country and could not stop crying or talking about it. This went on along time as i did not understand the concept of controlling my thoughts, accepting, surrendering and trying to embrace myself and my life.

I really advise you to go for a form of therapy that works for you, from seeing a psychologist or hypnotherapist or holistic therapist. They can support you and guide you through the situation. i also found reading Ekhart Tolle's The Power of Now. This IS your reality whether you chose it or not or like it or not. You cannot fight reality. You need to manage the pain and surrender and let go and heal, but you cannot heal if you cannot accept. Accepting does not mean wanting it or understanding it or not feeling devastated. it just means you stop fighting the fact that it's real and you cannot change it.

Time does heal, but you need to actively think and focus on YOU and creating a life that makes you happy without this person. Also, do NOT have any contact with this person until it doesnt sadden you or take you back a hundred steps. This is so hard and may feel like you are reinforcing the loss and any contact is better than none. It is counter productive. give yourself time and space to heal, however long that takes- there is no right or wrong.

Love yourself- now is not the time to neglect yourself or suppress your feelings by binge eating or starving or doing drugs or alcohol. do yoga, spend time in nature, travel, sleep, be with friends.

You will survive and move on, it's human nature...

plutten plutten
36-40, F
8 Responses Apr 4, 2009

I think the hardest thing to learn/accept is that the pain wont go until we really feel it. When we try to numb or mask it, it will still be there to deal with. We think that pain is unbearable but then we bear it and it lessens.

after two years the pain of acceptance has not made it any easier.

WOW My boyfriend just recently broke up with me and this is exactly how i feel. i have fallen into a deep depression and am currently getting help. I am really trying to be strong but it is hard.

This is really good advice, but sadly i feel like my heart is selfish and doesnt want to take the advice because its still set on something. :/

I broke up with my first long-term boyfriend this week. It was pretty mutual and a long time coming (although he initiated the conversation), but has still been the most painful thing I've ever gone through. <br />
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We dated for almost three years and everywhere I look, I am reminded of him. I just don't know where we went wrong or why this had to happen to me, and I just can't stop trying to analyze how the entire relationship played out in the way that it did. I keep on daydreaming back to all of our good memories, and it makes me so sad I can feel it in my stomach. I'm consumed with nostalgia for the good times we shared, extreme self-pity, and total confusion. <br />
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I'm also graduating college next week, so I feel like my whole world is being pulled out from under my feet. <br />
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In spite of all of this, your advice was extremely helpful and much needed. I need to accept this present reality (not my reality of two years ago, when I was daydreaming about our wedding) and start making myself happy as an individual. <br />
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Thank you very much for the advice. It really, really helped.

Hi Plutten<br />
very considered. Good advice<br />

i always know that acceptance is the answer, but a lot of times i just cant let go, the pain is too much a part of me. i did realise tho a few years ago that the 'love' part of it was the main addiction for me, so i had to starve it by no contact at all with him. it got easier but for so long i refused to love because of the pain it can bring.

That is excellent advice, my dear. Thank you for guiding us walking wounded ones.