My story is long,but i would really appericiate it if you read it because im so alone in this world,
Im 17 years old, i was 12 when i met him. I fell in love with him, weve been off and on for 4 years now(about to be 5years). after we went out for a year and broke up we went back out but we were always a secret after the 2nd time we went out, no-one ever knew about us and from the beggining we hurt eachother back and forth, pains too much to handle at times, but we still stuck through them cause we loved eachother. We gave so many chances to eachother! In all honesty i suffered the most pain and he would agree with me. We are eachothers bestfriends, no-one knows the real us but ourselfs, hes a stubborn very very nice mature guy, hes very different and is always honest and straight out with me, even if it hurts.
-the story is that in Nov. of last year we got in this HUGE fight, he told me he didnt want me anymore, that it was done, called me so many names. We had gone through this fight before but i had enough by the time it came around again! i didnt want to move on, but a boy that caught my eye was really getting me, i went out with him REGRET it ever since!, my ex came back beging to me that he wanted to make me happy(i was always the one beging for him back, hes the type of guy that would NEVER EVER even think about crying over a girl) but he cried and cried alot and begged! the reason why i didnt take him back was because i had enough, tears wouldnt even come out anymore! i didnt see us moving to another step, even though we talked about getting married out of high skool and already having the names of our children picked out! i didnt want it anymore.
-i broke up with the guy, me and my ex started talking again, i couldnt resist, i still loved him and i actaully wanted him back! but he was talking to a girl now who HATES me, cant explain how much she HATES me and honestly, i dont dislike her, i think shes very pretty and it sucks because she judges me and doesnt know me. me and him still talk everyday, he still tells me he hopes it works out for me and him in the future but at the moment he doesnt want us right now, he just wants to stay how weve always had, he still crys and tells me he loves me and still shows me he loves me, its like were still together,but i know its wrong, but we just cant let go of eachother, we love eachother. i know he wants me to wait, but he wont ask me to cause he doesnt want to be selfish, he tells me he needs me in his life.
-Everyone thinks hes going to come back to me,but i cant help to think that hes not, he likes this girl and he always tells me. "i know im not going to be with her forever." or he tells me, "i have a feeling were going to break up." he gives me signs about him going for other girls after his current gf. but i dont know, im supper confused and depressed. its summer time and weve always had our summer together since 7th grade, but this summer is going to be different, he tells me it wont be, that nothing will change between us(as in worse), i see him trying to keep us going strong,but im scared hes going to leave me for her.
-Were about to start our senior year in high school and his gf just graduated this year and is off to college soon, everyone tells me to keep waiting for him and i REALLY want to, but ive been waiting for 5months already. what do i do? wait more?(i know hes the one for me, i cant imagine my life without him, i need him!) IM CONFUSED! I JUST KNOW THAT I WANT TO MARRY HIM!