I Had No Back Bone.
I met him at work, worked with him for 3 years but it was a little crush. I thought he was funny and charming. He's not your typical handsome, he was a a big guy, with genuine eyes. My teddy bear.
It wasn't until Christmas of last year where there was a definite spark. something that I wanted to act on. It was a Christmas party for our work place, and of course there was mistletoe. We were under it, and for tradition, we kissed. It was amazing. I've never had a kiss like that before, and I know he felt it too, because we stared at each other, pleasantly shocked. A gentle smile, and another kiss. We were in the busiest pub in our city, but it felt like it was just the two of us there.
So, obviously we followed it up with a couple of dates, and lazy days at his place. It wasn't until February until we went official, we took it slow. In fear of rushing a good thing.
Later that month I quit my job, so that our relationship would not interfere with the work.
I met his friends, and they loved me. He told me that his friends are his family, and his family, other than his mom, was only an extension of name. He had 5 close friends which he called his brothers. Each of his "brothers" came up to me and said that he expressed that I was the best thing to happen to him. The feeling was mutual.
I met his mother, and she thought I was a doll. Calling me personally to come for Sunday dinners.
He met none of my family.
My family is a very religious family. And they insist that I date and marry within my own religion. And I always told him "no, you can't meet my family, they will kill you and I." I never said, "maybe later on they'll accept you"
I'm also a very timid, quiet girl. I did everything my family told me. They had a couple of men lined up for me, and it was difficult to say no, but I did it. Because I was a firm believer in love. and not in love after marriage.
But I didn't take my belief into practice when I actually fell in love. I never told him I loved him. I put up so many walls to avoid falling in love with someone. Just so I won't have my heartbroken.
I let my guard down. He broke up with me. Breaking my heart. Stating that he put walls up after I constantly rejected him when he asked to meet my family. He could of fallen in love with me, if he had hope. If I said maybe, one day, both of my worlds can meet. He would of worked on becoming a better person. He would of worked on perhaps converting. He would of loved me back.
He let go of a very good thing because I, unintentionally, encouraged him to.
And he keeps on telling me, consider this for you next boyfriend. I don't want to even think of the next one. I don't want a next one. I want him.
I can't accept my breakup because he didn't break up with because of my personality, we got along great, and talked over the rare fights we had.
He broke up with me because he was protecting himself. All he wanted was a family. and I wouldn't let him have one.
I can't accept my break up because I could of gone about things much more differently.
I should of never let my guard down.
I miss him so much.
Edit: When I get out of relationships, I shamefully rebound. A mutual acquaintance of ours just asked me out. I said yes. I'm going to see how it goes, and maybe be shallow and get an ego boost. I'm terrible. but maybe it'll make the healing process go faster?