Happily Married And Falling In Love With Another Woman

I am a happily married 38 year old man. I love my wife and daughter. My wife is beautiful and sexy, and we have a great time together sexually and as friends. I can't stress enough how good my marriage is. Recently, we got a new intern where I work. At first, I didn't really think much about her. She is cute, but at first glance, she isn't exactly drop dead gorgeous. We select interns based a lot on personality (we are a small shop and need to have people get along), so we chose X because we liked her personality. Now, it seems like we may have too much in common. She is a very pretty 25 year old woman. She is the physical opposite of my wife (which I think is a big part of the physical attraction). If this was just sexual attraction, then no problem. I'm sexually attracted to women all the time. Occasionally they make it clear that the attraction is mutual. This can be frustrating, but easy to resist. The problem is that I fantasize about holding hands with X in our favorite museum, looking into one another's eyes and smiling (god help me this has happened a few times and it scares the hell out of me), and having long existential conversations. I can sense that the feelings are somewhat mutual, so this is maddening. The last person about whom I felt this way was my wife. Counting X, I have felt this way maybe four times in my life. I never thought it would happen again after getting married.

I have been analyzing this situation, and I have come up with some modifications to my initial perception. I do think my feelings are genuine, but I also think that they are inflated by the following factors. X is a lot younger than me. I love the freedom of her life, and--as happy as I am in my marriage--I miss having my future as wide open as X's. I think that she represents a passed period of my life that I enjoyed a lot. As I mentioned above, she is the physical opposite of my wife. My wife is 5'7", red hair, blue eyes, very white, large breasts, juicy ***, and very intense. X is 5'2", black hair and eyes, Peurto Rican, really thin with small breasts and *** (but cute), and she has a very mild personality. I have never had "types" to which I am attracted. I find a wide variety of women attractive, so its not that I prefer one over the other physically. I just think I like the idea of the variety of experience that she represents. I have been married and faithful for nearly ten years now, so difference seems exciting. Now the most obvious factor. She is my intern. How tacky, right. I agree. I take my responsibilities to interns seriously. We don't take advantage here. Interns are not free labor. I spend a lot of time teaching and answering questions. But it is a huge ego boost that this girl that I'm attracted to thinks that I'm super good at what she wants to do. She is constantly seeking my approval, and I am capable of making her happy with just a few words of praise. It gets me excited just thinking about it. Tacky.

Lately i have been thinking about X a lot. I listen to sad music on the train and have a wistful look on my face. I'm like a ******* teenager and it makes me sick. I see myself feeling and behaving this way and I can't stop it, even though I know its ridiculous. I feel like a fool.

I am not posting this because I seek advice. If you think that you have some advice worth posting, I would live to hear it. Otherwise, I'm not really looking for a bunch of trite adages about the grass being greener. I am mainly posting this to get it off my chest. No one knows. My wife is my best friend, and I can't tell her about it. I hope that there are a few people out there who have had similar experiences and who would like to share them with me.
TooOldForThisShit TooOldForThisShit 36-40, M 41 Responses Dec 21, 2010

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Your wife will find out as I am a wife knowing my husbands feelings for someone and if you allow this to continue you will get in too deep. Already sounds as though you have.

there is a woman,, one whi thought you were her husband posting this ^^^ who describes what i was trying to describe about your wife& how your wife is feeling. In her mind she feels, and I quote "The fear that my husband was secretly longing for her was just as bad and heartbreaking as the fear that he would actually cheat on me!! I want my husband's heart all to myself. I want his passion to be for me, and I want and need for him to do what it takes to keep it that way." <<< so .. <<< even if you are screwing the other woman,, in your wifes mind it wldnt matter or wont matter when or even if she never finds out. unless she is a ROCK, your wife feels it. There is a good reason why somebody a LONG LONG LONG time ago wrote that once you have lusted in your heart or mind, your head,, you have already committed adultery,,& it is because you have come AWAY FROM THE PROMISE WHICH YOU MADE TO HER. She has become an old shoe which you keep because you still like her enough not to throw her away. AND IM SURE SHE KNOWS IT. :'(

your update makes me sick.. so in other words, your wife will never know& thinks that she is going through her life with you with an honest abiding, faithful man& love,, one who will not forsake her,, one who would choose her above anybody else,, yet you are spending your days fantasizing& looking lovingly at / with someone else? You arent actually WITH your wife but she believes you are. TRUST ME, your wife can feel this, & she is going through hell every day worrying& wondering what went wrong& hiding it out of fear of losing you. She is suffering. She is suffering long& hard because of it& because she made a promise& is keeping to it( which you wldnt understand)& keeping going because she cant give you up. THIS is because he loves you THAT much, and its miserable.. (a deepdown gurgling kind of miserable , in the pits of her heart& stomach, that she constantly SQUELCHES) bcuz she loves only you. you say you love her... you are selfish&taking the love of another woman while faking out your wife. YOU need to examine yourself& learn what LOVE truly is. you may not believe in God,, but there is a Devil in one form or another& he has got you. I say all this not to be nasty,, but as somebody who is hurting for the long haul& just like you say about yourself, has not got a choice& have no control over my love& knowledge that i made a promise,, long ago, which still stands& that was to LOVE him for better or worse. THIS promise holds me. I am of the mindset, that the correct way to look at a situation like this is that it comes down to integrity or lack of it... and if one person decides eeeeh! oh well,, what does integrity matter,, everything is fine so far, she doesnt know about it & talks about it with others, & posts it on boards,, then the fever spreads..& we are all screwed.. and that is the root of what is wrong with the world.. on a simple level LACK OF INTEGRITY is the root of all evil. and EVIL is a real thing.. which boat are you in?? hey! i can go stare lovingly into ghe eyes of 10 men per day if i want to.. I CHOOSE not to even with the boat that I AM IN.. read my story... am i a fool? some would say yes,, but I am honest, people can trust me, i am a rock somebody could go to..& if some ego stroking& excitement TRUMPS all of that for you... again, look at yourself. its ok if nobody is hurting,, but she may& probably( your wife) is HURTING or will be someday..& your children,,& your good name...& your reputation..& who YOU are..& the man you will go to your grave BEING FOREVER.. in your own mind& MAYBE HERS. does this scare you? if it doesnt then you most likely are a narcissist.

I'm 44, happily married going on 20 years. I recently met someone that I'm just completely absorbed by. She's 3 years older than I. I can not get her out of my mind. It's not even sexual. I'm just in love from the start. I have two wonderful children with this person and a home that we built and a very supportive family and friend base. I'm not afraid of losing everything! What is wrong with me? I'm in the process of talking to a preacher, but I don't want anything to change the way I feel about this person. I love my wife, but it love this person more. Is this possible? What to do?

I've been hating on my self thinking I was the only one. My god I feel alive again my wife of thirty years noticed the change in me right away. It's her 25 year old friend she is 54 I'm 51 god I'm so pathetic my fantasy is ( I see Jen sitting on the couch crying and I go sit by her and ask her whats wrong. She's puts her hands on her belly and says "I'm ugly and look fat". She's pregnant. I put my head on head on her belly and the baby kick my cheek I tell her she's beautiful and I love her and everything is good then. I'm such a *****. But I can't help how I feel.

i am just happy reading this as i am in the same situation which i treat myself as selfish person...I am 48 yrs old and been married for 20 years...HAPPILY MARRIED,..
i dont know how it started, i am working abroad for 7 years and this is the first time it happened.....i fall in love with 37 yrs. old lady whom has a broken relationship....what is awkward is that i even missed her over my wife and family...this is really odd...
best move for me is to shift to another house to stop seeing her, but honestly, this damn feeling is strange....
its hard to expect something you know might not happen, but its even harder to give up when you know its everything you i am still trying to overcome and ask my boss to grant me leave to see my family and hoping this stupid feeling will end.....

All of you men need to start dating your wives more and go back to what brought you together in the first place. Impulsively having fun and surprising your spouse. Keep it interesting and sweep each other away or help out without being asked at home just out of nowhere. This will bring each of you to appreciate on another again and rediscover your relationship in a new light. Being apart in distance or busy at work with your time starts to separate what you had prior to children and household responsibilities.

I personally think that the whole thing is extremely egotistical. You are being selfish and fantasizing about this young woman when you have a beautiful wife who is dedicated to you and your child. Think about if your wife was fantasizing about another man like this, how would it make you feel? I say you should get over this high school crush and grow up. Realize that if your kid came to you someday with a similar problem that you would stress the importance of staying true to your spouse. We can easily kept swept away daydreaming about things, but having control and awareness makes a world of difference when it comes to handeling this.

I am on the other side of this train- and it is interesting to hear your position because I lack the courage to address these things head on.

I am a 23 year old woman- who has fallen for a 30 year old married man with a son. We immediately had a connection that was so electric and rare that I didn't even know how to handle it. When I discovered he was married I felt foolish- and thought I had imagined this seemingly soul connecting moment I thought we had shared. Then in a series of happenstance events ( and maybe a glass of wine or two) we ended up sleeping together. I remember asking him "aren't you married? And is your wife open to this (It's a new time- lots of people have more open relationships it seems)?" But as alcohol tends to assist with... the answers to these questions were lost in bare skin and raw desire.

I never thought I would be in this kind of situation- and that I would be addicted to it despite my efforts to torture myself by looking at pictures of his wife and son and guilt myself into racing away from the whole situation.I deeply appreciate your perspective. I have been trying to understand why he seems so unhappy.. His wife is beautiful and they seem to have something special. However; Just like your situation she is very much the opposite of me. So in some capacity you have given me some peace of mind despite my ongoing "relationship" with a man I can never truly have.

I told the woman in my husbands life if she felt there was an opportunity for them then she needs to be the stronger one and respectfully step away from what they both messed up on and tell him you can't entertain this any longer. You must leave your wife if you want me because no matter how you slice it you are in the wrong both of you. More him you don't owe her anything however the wife has much more invested just to walk away from everything they worked for and if you don't you will be a doormat yo yo with no respect for yourself as you get deeper involved and he doesn't need to choose or for that matter doesn't want to leave his wife as he loves her just as strongly. Good luck with that it is torture & will continue if the women don't take charge of themselves and their boundaries.

I'm in this situation right now.
I have been in a relationship now for 9yrs and have never strayed, in the last 6months I have been very unhappy and I feel as though we have lost our path together I have tried everything to make our relationship work but it seems to be a one way street, I'm in a new country and have no one to turn to for advice or to talk. Having no one I have joined a dating site to reach out to people for help I'm lonely unhappy and at wits end. And go figure the site matched me to a Girl not expecting anything except to talk I have found myself falling for her now confused more than ever. I gave thought about leaving my gf of 9yrs I have tried to talk to her but in honest opinion Girls don't listen I keep getting ignored or laughed at and it really hurts. The new girl that was matched to me has made me feel like I did when I met my Gf 9yrs ago and some dear I say a true soulmate

Wow...I'm in a very similar situation! I'm 37 years old and married to a wonderful woman for 10 years. I have two great kids and otherwise happy. Before I married, I had a relationship with an ex I loved trully. For complicated reasons, we split and went our own way. 10 years, a marriage and two kids later, I re-established communication with my ex. We both talk about having a second chance at a relationship and how it was a mistake to have left each other. I message with my ex daily and have met once while I was out on a "business meeting." I can only describe by situation and feelings as confused! I cant stand my self with just the thought of abandoning my wife and kids to chase my "happieness," but yet I feel unsettled knowing I have feeling for another woman that is not my wife. Some would think of me as scum for my decisions, but it must be know that I never planned to get married just to potentially destroy that marriage and family!!! Very difficult confusing situation to be in!

Goodness! Same here. It's just that the other woman I'm in love with is two years older than me and that we've been really, really good friends. It started off as a personality-based attraction, aside from her eyes and smile and laugh. She's the type of woman I don't usually go for, and her looks are quite the opposite of my wife's. But she's extremely stunning to me. I'm not even thinking about her body or sleeping with her... I'd love to sleep with my arms around her, but not f***. I would love cuddling and just talking and laughing all night with her.

I'm a 38-year old man, by the way.

Glad to know I'm not in this boat alone. I'm fixing to give up everything I built in the last 20 years. I hope I'm making the right move!

I will be married 20 years in the next few weeks. Finally going to councielling as a couple but he wants to see my husband to get to the root of what is attracting this love so strongly with this other women. Oddly we are very much alike with everything. We are both pressuring him to just get rid of each of us and he won't let go. He loves me and he loves her. I have NEVER been more understanding and patient and we r actually appreciating each other more now. However the trust & betrayal has gone so far I don't know how it will ever get back as I think he is trying to wean her off But just can't. The therapist after meeting him alone a few sessions will then figure if it is even worth trying to heal us any longer as his indecisiveness has gone so far that we both hate him and he hates himself. It needs to be cut off like a smoker or drug addict has to quit cold turkey or just go on his own completely with no communication to clear the racing thoughts in his mind. Be alone instead of selfishly holding on and thinking it will fizz out bc it won't. You will either get more caught and fighting constantly or be more confused and angry with yourself.

I too am in a situation like many of you. I'm a 30+ year old male nurse, happily married for 10+ years with two great kids. I have fallen in love with a coworker who is in her 20's and also is married for 10+ years with 2 wonderful children. We just make each other so happy and its so hard being apart. Both our spouses know about our infidelities but we continue to have a relationship. I feel that I can't say goodbye to her and work on my marriage. She makes me feel like no one ever has, including my wife. I do love my wife but not how it has been. Its become so hard lately but hope that my decisions are he right ones. I never wanted to cheat on my wife, never mind fall in love with another woman. I guess I'm not the only one with these issues and find relief that there are others in my situation. Wondering how everyone is handling their situation though. Maybe it can give me a direction to go for the future.

I'm in a very similar but yet not similar situation. I am 51, my wife is 27. We have been together for 5 years and have been married for 2- 1/2. We are so close it is unbelievable. We have always been into having sex with other people but only with the other present, mostly 3somes. This summer my wife became very attracted to a coworker of mine and she started texting him and tried to have sex with him while I was present but he would not do it. He wanted her alone. She ask me if this would be ok and I was hurt that she would ask and said no at first. After talking to her in length and having some very heated discussions, we decided to allow each other to have sex alone with someone else. She asked me to be the first, so I called up a girl we had been talking to for a 3some and ask her if she was interested and we had sex alone. My wife then did the same and things were fine. We have been doing this for about 6 months now. Problem is, this girl I first slept with has fell in love with me, and I think I have with her. She is married 32 years old and a mother of a 9 year old. Her husband doesn't know anything abound us. I am so confused. I love my wife so much and don't know hoe to proceed. My gf wants me to leave her and make a life with her. Just had to get that off my chest.....

I am 51 in a good happy marriage; she is 37 in a good happy marriage as well (let’s call her CL). I am a dance instructor and for the past 3 years I have meet CL at the dance floor of several local dance joints. CL has been complemented on her dancing skills; she tells everyone it thanks to me. I am addicted to dancing with her because of the sexual tension that is always there, looking for each other as soon as we enter the place, hand holding and interlocking our fingers while we go to the dance floor, smelling each other, commenting about our separate lives, always looking forward to seeing each other and not wanting to separate to dance with other people, but we do to avoid people talking, which maybe too late now. When I go dancing I don’t stop dancing at all, woman always ask me to dance; it’s a great ego bust for a 51 year old when you have beautiful women wanting to dance with you. So if CL is not dancing with me she will wait until the song finishes and run towards me to make sure she gets to dance with me; sometimes cuts in front of other ladies; I don’t want to let her go.

We never plan to meet. A few times I have accompanied her to her car after the dance, we both exercise self-control, we once had coffee. I can't get her out of my mine. I know that taking the relationship a step further will hurt a lot a people. We have exchanges kisses on the dance floor, not in the lips; on the neck, the hair, and the hands and close to the month. Once she gave a butterfly kiss. We hug each other while we dance; we squeeze our hands or arms and ask each other “Want did that squeeze, hold or comment mean?” and sometime we just smile and don’t verbally answer and repeat the squeeze, hold each other or maybe make a funny comment. Sometime we do answer I the answer is great.

My wife will now is staring to go with me to the dance, I enjoy dancing with my wife, but I love dancing with the CL. They know of each other and CL has asked me about her and I may ask about her husband, but we come go back to talking about each other. I told CL my wife will be coming to the dances, CL just smiled and said “I hope your wife will let me dance with you” and I said I would dance with her. I have been with both of them and her husband at the same time in the same place very early in “our relationship”. CL went up to my wife and asked permission to dance with me and I later did asked her husband and that was it. Another time her husband was present and she looked at we smiled like saying “I’m sorry” no dancing tonight. I know it is a matter of time before we all find each other in the same situation again; when it happens I will be giving all the love and attentions my wife deserves, but in my mind will be thinking about CL and wondering what will happen next. I am taking it a day at a time. I needed to get this off my chest was well.

Well, I am a Philosopher by profession, I am highly interested to write my comments, as this subject is my favorite research area, and I am really keen to understand the causes of repeatedly recurring love feelings among men and women, which could be crushes, infatuations or long-term indulgences despite having good and loving partners and happy married lives.

It is infatuation what you have written, I think; why it happens, I do not have certain and single answer, but I kind of have analyzed it. Humans want change, that sometimes works addictive to seductions. In my view, it is rampant in human society, monotony creates boredom to the psychotic levels. It can be healed in a variety of ways, some people get cured soon after they go ahead with the indulgence and satisfy desires. While some smarter people soon share their infatuations with their close friends, get other perspective and learn from the advice. However, the smartest ones are those who are prudent, who can foresee the future of their feelings, they are aware that like every emotion, infatuations too wear out.. They know that in life these situations are like bubbles of water, popping up into one’s heart, and disappearing soon after. The smartest ones are sure at the onset of such indulgences, that the feelings would disappear.

all of these problems stem from knowing the value of your wife& the relationship that you are blessed to have with your wife and what God brought together in the first place. many people put no importance on this view of man& wife& so from the getgo the spirituality doesnt build ,, in the bed or in the relationship and strength together day to day over years...if you really honestly value a good woman& know the beauty in her,, what she gives to you everyday,, her love& working for you,, being tired and still keepin going,, women dont do that for nothing...& her faithfulness& loyalty... it takes strength, dignity,,& an all encompassing BEING to be a woman who stays to those characteristics every day in this day& age... we are also able to go out& CHEAT!! theres probably PLENTY you dont know which she has avoided or not gotten into with other men,,, for the sake of your relationship TOgether... time proves that it is worth it- at the end of your life together,, when one of you is dying in the bed and the other is there,,, will you wnat to look at her knowing that she dsnt really KNOW who you are or who you awful! is your melting heart over her smile rlly worth all of that???cut the crap& go make love to your sweet loving faithful wife..& be greatful. i know... its not worth it in the end when they find out. the fun is great,, but to be an honest man, who keeps his promise& has integrity.. that is what matters. TRUST ME.

Great advise. Helps!

having somebody ELSE besides your spouse of many years,, find you attractive ..makes you feel good.. i know.. even though i never thought about anybody else for even a split second from 20-37, i understand. I started out with the man i am married to at 18.. i was 16 when i first dated him for a month& he was supposedly NUTS about me.. nothing much went on, i broke up with after about 6 weeks because he was so serious for his age(16 also)& it scared me..i didnt know what real men were yet..i was a very happy but shy girl who had been taught to work very hard& be happy about it, in my parents household along with my two sister& my work ethic was developed at a very young age.. my parents were always happy, didnt fight& were married at 18 with nothing& worked harder than anybody for each other& for us.. they started with nothing but their heads , with nobody to rely on& took nothing from anybody& i always knew it. They were my example, along with two incredible grandmothers& my grandfather who never criticized. However, ,,I was 5'2, 102 lbs& in shape like nobodys business from hard work had a 21 inch waist, 33 hip& 34 chest.. long auburn hair& green eyes..& didnt know that i was attractive.. no matter what anybody said i wld never believe it. He made me think i was good enough in that respect& he made me feel like somebody thought i was special& that was everything for me. I stayed that way until 37... i am of half italian and half german descent... lol..I cld sew(1986 i was 14) and embroider& make costumes, do woodwork& knew how to use tools , and run a large house from the age of 6-8.. i was capable, i had confidence in the things i could do on my own... and i stayed that way,, if something needed to be done and he was busy at work,, thru ONE - then TWO- THEN 3, THEN 4 babies( GORGEOUS!! all big & healthy& smart& angels! ) i went through each pregnancy& was in shape, cldnt tell the pregnancy was there from behind, baby straight out from keeping the gardening& raking& landscaping a 30 foot hill, building kitchen cabinets&wideboard floors, tiling& putting in new ceilings , wallpapering by myself restoring the golden oak woodwork , demolition / moving doorways- I DID IT and took the load off him...ON & on through 4 babies who are seven years apart,,with no family around hours away from me in another state, i gained the 45 lbs.. had the 9 lb babies, and dropped all the weight down to 105 EVERY TIME within 2 months... hardwork makes it come off.. at night i would come in out of the garden or yard work& make the nice dinner, porkchops& peppers, roasted chicken with mashed potatoes, gravy everything homemade, beautiful beef stews , homemade croutons, constant cookies& homemade birthday cakes, etc etc etc..i kept myself with bath powders& lipgloss, young outfits& hair always curled& long. HE responded by being drunk almost every night for 15 years.. he is a functioning alcoholic who would NOT give it up& btX he was bad enough that he got physical... i hd four kids& nothing but him& our life as My life... so i kept on hoping& hoping& tried everything short of being a ***** to ask him to stop..his response?? leave if you want( nowhere to go& he knew it) but i will never give up alcohol for you. heartbreaking but he had me so convinced that i was his only one,, that i figured hes just being mean- hes a prtty mean guy but had incredible integrity towards friends& loyal to everybody would immediately stop to help somebody.. etc etc...i hoped he would see me... the bed was always special/ hot/ different& flirty& playful while just smoking at times.. you see, i spent my highschool years avoiding the hell out of every guy at school , because i was not up for stupid bullshit& these guys had so many lines& sooo many girlfriends that you just had to either want to get used or need tons of attention.. i was just not that into guys.. i thought they were cute& all,, but i wanted somebody to talk to and to admire& look up to..he was it& he always knew i worshipped him. i thought he respected me. i did EVERYTHING i did , for 4 years of dating& 14 years of marriage,, for us& to make him happy so he could be proud. September of 2008, i woke up& he wasnt home, he was working. I took the computer& multitasked and searched for a dress for a wedding we were attending at the Park Plaza in boston,,while i was running laundry through. This was to be the first year in 15 where i had no little children at home, youngest in 1st grade& oldest in 8th... and we had been tlkn about how we could now go out for lunches etc in the middle of day and stay in bed together some mornings. He runs his own business now& we finally had enough money to relax a bit. I CHANGED THE SCREEN TO SIGN OUT& there! right in front of me was a list of emails... Ashley Madison . com dating site,, emails from all kinds of women.. i read them& almost fell down.. i literally felt my chest BURN& heart drop& almost fell down... then , because i am not dramatic.. i composed myself for my two kids who were still home because of a cold& a late schedule& sat down& didnt panic.. i went to the website for Ashley Madison& checked it out. i thought heyyy so women are emailing him.. its **** mail etc. well i happen to know enough about him, that because of his physical characteristics, & his line of work& height build, certain things i know he wldnt like, such as non smoker.. i was able to create a fake profile& narrow down his area of potential 'partners' by zipcode etc& i found his account. THERE HE WAS , my husband, the love of my life, the only one i could ever count on, my man& the big strong smart handsome love who had held my hand through the births of our FOUR babies at 22, 25, 27& 29 while nobody else was in the room,,& had stayed up by my head& looked in my eyes and cried when he met each one& kissed me FIRST& said how much he loved me& who had picked me up( UNREHEARSED) off my feet after our vows in the church.. was THERE.. in his shorts& my favorite shirt,, his picture staring out at me.. with an ad next to him,, offering himself to the world.
i literally crumpled down on the floor,, like the trade towers where i lost my best friend from all my lifes years in 2001,, straight down. THIS CRY came out of me.. from so deep this SOB.. which grew and grew& HURT like the feeling i feel i will feel when i sit some day at my own fathers funeral.. i felt the shag of the rug,, i felt my life all flash before me& i thougt would DIE right there. My oldest daughter heard me,,& came in& said nothing, because i dont really cry i keep GOING usually,, and reached down& picked me up off the floor. What could I say? what would I do? I had lost him& that was all that mattered in the world to me.. my daughter thought, just how i described it " has Papa died?" and now i can still feel it.. it was five years in september& i have had nightmares every night,, of he& she, together, her touching him& him saying all the things wrong with me,, all of everything he ever told me, everything we ever did,, was a lie. inhabe no idea WHEN it started?.. i have no idea HOW many?.. i have no idea what i am or was to him. we are still married& he lied his way outbof it. HE said he never met anybody, he said he thought about it& then decided he would re- dedicate himself to the relationship. It had always been one sided& at that point I should have known WHY. I managed to stay& managed to try to trust him again,, he acted as if he loved me& a year later asked me
for another child.. i said yes, i loved him& he had been dreaming of him. He is beautiful. I MOVED ON& was admittedly always nervous, but let the relationship start to heal... THEN, when the baby was abt 2 years,, i started to clean out a bureau drawer& found a receipt,, dated late winter of 2008, from before i had found him on the dating sight.. and it was for a gold bracelet from a jewelers several towns away. I didnt own this bracelet as you can guess! i waited three days& gathered up another receipt from the ***** club down the street! :( dated April of 2008 , right before i found the dating ad. I had to PULL it out of him,, buy he confessed that he had been luring a ******** from the club with gifts... too sick to talk about,, dont know if i believe they are related, and that she wouldnt leave the club for him..." if she had,, he dsnt know if he would have left me or not." He says he was a scumbag, he says he just wanted to **** her,, he says hes a man afterall.. oh .. thanks so much.. so what does that make me? just a wife... just a wife... well i figured i might have the girlfriend on the side& the nice " wife at home". oh great... thanks... im a nothing.. a dishrag.. somebody for you to use to make people think youve got it good. GROSS.
and no other explanation but the truth.. NO GOD, no past, no future, no nothing everything just ERASED. i am so sad.. everything we had meant nothing to him. &now he knows that i KNOW IT..&. its just Awful. he says he would take it back, he says she meant nothing.. but he lied even after i forgave him.. he let me forgive him based on lies.. i bore a child based on lies..& i still love him. SAD HUH? he was everything for me& i was nothing to him... maybe because she made him feel young.. i dont know .. i was young.. i was only 16, then 18, then 22, then 25, then 27&29& then i was still young in my 30's... its all really about one thing& thats ***..& i have to say.. the one thing i know is that mine is great! lol... it was all about his EGO& reaching& reaching for the ultimate dream girl.. was it worth it ? probably. all for the ***& nothing about love. MEN WHO HAVE INTEGRITY .. they go to their graves knowing that they do..& i just feel sad. sad for him& sad for me because i can never give his back to him. i so so so wish i could. our past present& future HAUNT ME every night& stand there next to me every day.& because he lied& didnt give me a chance to fix whatever it was ,, i can never change it. :(

Hi. Ive been in ur situation. My bf who I've been with now is a married man. I have no right advice to you but for me affair wont bring you anywhere. Will hurt you and make your life miserable. So do think carefully which one you all care most. If the women you loves can give you the happiness then I guess divorce can be the way out. Thus if you wife makes u happy then forget about her. For me, those who going through this kind of relationship have to make the best decision. Sometimes sacrifice is the best way. As for me I did talk with my bf on this. I don't want to be a home wrecker too. Yet, if in 3 years we still stands still. Perhaps we will go to the next level. So, make up ur decision.

Guy, not only you am also in love with a girl and am married. I don't know how this got started, and I don't know how to get out. I have sought some spiritual help to let go of this girl but all to know avail. My wife will faint if she finds out am doing this, God she trusts me to heavens. But the truth is, in every way, I love this girl as she makes me happy at all time. Though my wife nags a lot, a melancholy with a little blend of choleric, staying at home with her is always like solemn assembly and our sex life is 'lie down I lie on you' stuff, you musn't romance not to talk of ******, yea I still want to quit and stay with my wife, but can't just let go of this girl....and she won't let go of me neither. The most worrisome part of the issue is I fear what God might feel about not secure because of this..

I know this is an old post but I read it and I'm quite shocked at how much it's like the situation that I am in, I too love my wife but feel very strongly for a younger woman in work, she is 31 and I am 53, I know, the age thing is quite vast but she shows all the signs of feeling the same way about me, I'm not an old 53 but a young one, I keep fit and have a young mind. I have asked myself "is this lust, infatuation, or are we and this woman having an emotional affair". We have rituals such as a cup of coffee every day in work at the same time, we wait until we are both in in the morning to have breakfast together, we have never had sex or even kissed but we both know if one of us left work and found another job the one that's left would feel abandoned. So I know how you feel.

I was 27 yo when I met this 43 (now 44) yo (married with 1 daughter) man in my office.
We were working in a campsite facility in coal mining company near my hometown with 5 weeks on - 2 weeks off schedule.
At first, I feel nothing not even thinking of getting close to him.
But then suddenly in just a month we are lovers.
So much romantic physical connection like holding hands, hugging, kissing...and we did it secretly and I think that makes this more addictive.
In the next month I find myself waking up every morning on his bed in 5 weeks on, and feel so miserable in 2 weeks off when he returns home to his family.

Shortly he got this job offer which requires him to move back to his hometown with regular working days.
We discussed about how to manage our relationship with this 2 hour flight across the sea + 4 hour land travel distance. At first we manage a monthly schedule to meet in other city (in the middle of the distance). Can't help the feeling, I decided to resign my job and move to the same town.
This is where the drama gets crazier...

I think I don't have to explain how deep I fall for this man or he for me, I leave my promising job (I was in supervisory level in the coal mine), move to the town and start all over to get a life there, just to be close to this man. After about 6 month unemployed and drained out my saving, I finally get a proper job. He always try to help me financially but I never accept it. This is the least I can do to protect my dignity.
He was trying his best to be with me, spend as much time as possible. Everyday after hour he spend with me and went home late when everybody has fallen asleep. 1 week in a month he will stay in my apartment and tell his family that he went for business travel to camp facility in the other island...all the lying and guilty feeling has set him emotionally detach from his wife and it begins to crack his marriage.

His wife checked his phone while he was sleeping and found out about me. They fought and he said it was so hard for him because that was the first time they ever did it in front of their daughter.
I never want to hurt anybody (yet I did) and I don't want to confront his wife, so after so many super long and torturing text message from his wife, I then replied telling her that what I have with her husband is nothing compare to what she has and that her husband loves her and her daughter so much.
Agony and so much drama... I know in my heart that what I said in the text is the truth and I hurt myself by saying that, but I know I just got to!

Now I'm feeling so lonely and sad, especially at the moment when I go back from long hours at office to an empty apartment room, sad and lonely, you know what I mean. He still trying to keep this relationship from falling apart.. but my spirit has just worn out and I know that at one point this is gotta stop.. I am considering to move back to my hometown and find a job there. This man is still trying to hold me with all the reasoning. My head so full and feels like it's gonna explode so I decided to unload some on this page....

Any comment is appreciated...

You are still so young and you gave up your career for someone who is already taken. For sure he will not leave his wife for you so why should you sacrify your future for him? one day you will meet s guy who will be completely yours, you will never feel alone , he will make you forget your past but its YOU who has to let go. Im sure you dont want to keep hanging in between. Be strong enough to know whats best and the right thing to do. You will marry someone who will always be with you

I am in a somewhat similar situation. I am 30 years old, happily married with an amazing son. I have fallen for a coworker that is only 20 years old. It first started with having similar interests, then gradually moved into situational sex questions (jokingly of course). Then we became FB friends and started messaging constantly. I developed feeling so fast. Within a month and a half time frame we had sex. Its was amazing! I am assuming its because she is a lot younger. So, we saw each other sporadically and just had sex. Not soon after I accidently said, "I love you." and she said it back. I was in shock. I figured she was just young and inexperienced. However, she was saying it every chance and giving me secret kisses. Now it has been about 6 months and she doesn't say I love you as much, she doesn't seem as interested as she was in the beginning. My mind tells me to cut it loose, now is the time....but the idea of losing her makes me sick. I don't know what it is. I cannot stop myself from missing her. She is fully aware that I am married. And now I am actually contemplating a divorce. But my wife is an amazing woman and has done so much for us. I have no clue what is wrong with me, or how to stop these thoughts.

I am also in a similar situation like you. I have fallen in love with my colleague who is 14 years older than me and I am in same age as you. He is married with 3 kids. I am not from a western culture but I believed that western people are very genuine in their relationship. So, I trusted him more when he said that he and his wife is not happy and it’s good for both of them if they chose different paths. I thought, his wife is also under the same impression but that was not true and I realized it later. He did apply divorce and moved in with me. Living together is not in my culture but I still let it happen and we were happy as a great couple. We were working together and also lived together so I completely fell dependent on him. Even if he is away for business trip, I used to miss him terribly much like I don’t sleep or eat or work. As I said my culture is different and my family was living thousand miles away from me. It is hard for my family to accept that their daughter has fallen for a married guy with huge age difference. I was waiting for a good time to convince my family. Suddenly one day, my family got an anonymous message that their daughter is living with a married guy and she had broken his family. Also, the message questioning my family whether they had send me to western countries to work or learn about sex. After a long hesitation, my family has revealed about the anonymous messages to me. I have showed him the message and asked him if it is from his wife. He strongly disagreed and said that she would never do that. I have started to get threatening emails about my future if I don’t stop sleeping with him. He was worried with the email as his name was mentioned and he was much more worried more his kids will get bad name; I felt little bad as he is concerned about me since it is too much for my culture. He still demanded that it was not from his wife and he also wanted to stop these emails. So, we both have registered a police complaint and he was sure that whoever (including his wife) is found guilty should be punished by law. But within a week; everything has changed. He suddenly said that he wants to break this relationship as his son is not ready to accept his daddy marrying other women. He just left me standstill and he also closed the police case saying that emails are sent because of our relationship and no more threatening emails received lately. I couldn't accept the situation happening around me. I fell back in life; couldn't focus on anything and memories of him are playing back and forth continuously on my head. I do see him in office everyday but it pains more when he sees me as nothing has happened between us. I couldn't stop myself from crying and it had become routine for me now. In one month time, I almost looked like a patient recovering from acute disease. In all these days, he haven’t asked me even one time, how am I doing. This feeling kills me more. I had a very high reputation in work and losing it slowly; finally, I have resigned from my promising job and moving back to my family in few months. Still, he haven’t asked about my resignation as usual. I don’t know why I keep expecting him to talk and I still wonder who has written that email to my family. No one knows about my relationship with him and I really feel heavy in my head so I decided to write it at least here. I really don't know how to get out of this. Any comment is appreciated.

I've always believed in what the Bible says", Adultery is wrong no matter how you look at it. From both sides. :( I said that I would never ever take interest in a married man. Well that all changed. This man and I took one look at each other and instantly we had a connection. I'm not proud of myself. I have been living day by day with this secret and feeling so bad, but yet so ngood. We first became good friends, then best friends, and now lovers. We feel the same deep feelings for one another and are in love. We tried like heck to avoid one another, but the feelings were and are there. Alot has taken place in both of our lives, with family and friend to where we can relate. I'm not so much worried about other people judging, I'm worried more about how God will judge me. :(

I've just read most of these stories and they make me want to stop the relationship (if I can call it that) with my 40+ year old coworker. I am 26.
Can't even remember the first day we met. I feel like I've just known him for years. He says he feels the same. We have the same passions.
That's why I can relate to your story. He's already accomplished what I someday want to accomplish. I look up to him because he's just too good at what he does.
He praises me for the things I'm good at and seems shocked when he realizes we go about things in the same manner. We work so well together and are so passionate about what we do.
Though we have definitely not crossed the line (not ever planning to do so) I can't help but think about him every second of every day. I know it's not okay and I say it to him all the time. I insinuate that we should stop now that its early on, but he convinces me that he doesn't want to hurt me.
He's been married but divorced, and now has a son with a woman he lives with. So technically he's not married now... but he does have a set life. He says he's "simply content" implying that he could be better.
We both know the age difference will soon catch up to us but still feel like we could be soul mates. Is that possible?

STOP this before you regret it - if he does like you 'in that way' - wait until he is single and living alone...sounds like the start of an affair; where he will use you (whether he realises it or not) and you will be burnt. Be careful!!

I am a 50 yr old single female who has fallen in love with my Words with Friends, friend. it truly started a few months ago when I made a fateful decision to select Random Opponents to get another game started. I remember jokingly saying how cool it would be if the person was a handsome man...and went on to fantasize/romanticize what could be. After a few great plays on his part, I hit the chat icon and introduced myself, he told me his name, we said where we were from and that was it. We kept it friendly, NO FLIRTING, friendly and funny. We happened to love dogs, be the same age, get each other' s humor, enjoy conversation. I finally asked if he was married he said yes. I was a bit disappointed but just confirmed we would stay in the friend zone. Again, NO FLIRTING EVER. I could tell my feelings were growing. I kept it to myself. Then the day of the fork in the road. He offered me his cell# bcuz it would be easier to text. I hesitated then said yes. From there, pix were exchanged. of course, he's gorgeous, to me! We both admitted deeper feelings. we have said this is crazy but we love each other. He swears he has a good marriage, too. That he has never in decades of marriage, cheated. We are in a full blown EA. I have never felt what I feel for him, for anyone else. I am a very moral, ethical person. it's eating my lunch! I don't know what to do, either. We are kindred spirits. I do believe that. But he has an entire history and life with his wife. I would NEVER ask him to leave. That's between him, her and God.

I've read these stories/confessions and been fascinated and am very grateful firstly for your honesty.

I am female and have to admit that, I do believe the genuine 'falling in love' and the 'pain' that is spoken of here. To love one person, get married, have children and settle is what most of us desire.

To then have that 'confused' by falling in love with another must be 'mind-bending'.

HOWEVER, I have come across the word 'infatuated', 'addicted' and other descriptions of being 'obsessed'...Hmmmmm...makes me wonder what LOVE is?

Whilst I totally empathise with the confusion of loving someone that you can't be with - I can't understand why no-one has really thought that much about the single girls in this??

I guess none of us have any real control over who we fall in love with, right? This kinda thing seems more common than many want to accept. So, I do thank you for posting your stories...and, as I say for being so honest.

I think part of the problem is that so many of us forget that marriage is a solid statement that tells the world that you have committed to being with another.

I include myself here; so, I'm not criticising you guys.

I too have fallen for a guy who is married...nothing happened (physically) - tho we did allow our friendship to develop where we were communicating daily, several times a day, and making plans to spend social time together as much as we could (he has 2 young children and I would never want them to lose their father - or indeed to be the reason that a marriage fell apart). It seems he agreed with me.

But, there was no denying we had a strong connection and we did flirt. Other people, including his wife, were nervous about how close we were becoming. Sometimes we can't always see it ourselves...though, I did know how I felt about him...and how strong the feelings were becoming. He refused to stop contact with me after his wife told him how much the friendship upset her. He told me: "You're like a female version of me...we work well together..." and was very supportive of me. We both felt a deep bond and had so many things in common...and, although there was an obvious physical attraction we both respected each other enough not to act on that.

We stopped being friends just over 4 months ago...letting go has not been easy. I'm still confused at times by it all. But, as much as I miss him and want to have him in my life - I'm glad it ended. These kinds of 'relationships' are never good for anyone involved -they're torture really!

And society always blames the single girl: "she should have known better to stay away!" they say.

Perhaps 'they' are right???

Since your wife is you're best friend, you should tell her. The reason that you're feeling so excited about this is because of the fact that it's a secret. These feelings are normal and although she'll be a little hurt that you're interested in someone else, she'll understand simply because she's also your best friend. This approach will cause her some insecurities that you'll have to reassure her of, but your attention will be where it belongs, on your wife. Moreover, this is a lot better than losing it all. Free lifestyle = multiple partners on all ends (yours, the intern, and the wife).

similar situation, different shoes. In my case, I'm the 13 years younger employee who unexpectedly developed feelings for my new older married boss. I'm also married. We both have children. Neither marriage is great. As he explained once, I fulfill certain needs of his that his wife never has nor will, just as she fulfills certain needs that I never will. Neither one of us intended for this to just did. Before anything happened that crossed the line of no return, we talked about the situation and what was to be expected or respected to never happen. We gave each other the chance to walk away before crossing the line we defined (though perhaps even talking about it crossed some sort of line, being that we are both committed to another), then we allowed our emotions to rule and entered into a love affair that was supposed to be just that. I admitted I never expected him to leave his wife for me and he assured me that whenever I wanted to end things, nothing will have changed (I.e. I'd still have job security, he'd still think the most of me, etc.) I guess we both foolishly believed that two with so much in common, despite the age difference, who spent a great deal of time together, could entertain such a relationship without serious feelings developing. He supported me in ways that weren't being met at home & showed genuine compassion & care about me. At the same time, I was his support in a business that requires the strong support of a spouse or significant other, which in all their years of marriage, his wife never did. He told me he loved me first. It took a short while for me to realize that my feelings were just as strong. When I did, things between us were exceptionally surreal....for a short few weeks. Now I'm noticing little ways in which he is beginning to distance himself (he cuts our vacations together short,hasn't told me he loves me in a couple of weeks, didn't kiss me goodbye the last several days when we left work). I have a strong suspicion his wife has discovered the relationship & perhaps he is attempting to save the marriage (even though I foolishly believed promises of a future marriage with him & have been on a few occasions propositioned to have his child, which I politely declined to do so as a mistress). Part of me wants him to save his marriage, even if my own is too far gone. I don't and never wanted to be a homewrecker. But, as I've come to realize, you can't help who you fall in love with. But you can decide whether or not to act on those feelings. Perhaps we both made the wrong choice. And perhaps one day we will end up happily married with our own child, & our spouses will be free to find true love of their own that will forever make them happy. I can't predict the future....if so maybe I'd have steered clear of the route I chose, but I can say that wrong as it may be, this relationship has pulled me out of deep depression & helped me find hope in life & love again. To those who were able to resist the temptation & lure of extramarital affairs, I have the utmost respect for you. It's not something we are all capable of resisting, and I'm sure yalls marriages will last a lifetime.

I can totally relate to what you said about it pulling you out of a depression and giving you a sense of hope again! That's exactly my experience. I was recovering from serious illness which led to depression (hence the hours of Words with Friends) when I became friends with the man I've fallen for. the friendship....laughter, attention, subsequent love all helped to bring me out of that darkness. He has shown me love I didn't know existed. I have hope in love again. I owe my coming out of the dark to our loving relationship.

I have read so many of the stories here and I am going thru something that I would actually like advice. My husband and I have been together almost 13 years married almost 10. We have experienced our ups and downs we love each other dearly he has always had an issue being faithful we have had ********** and done pretty much anything to keep things exciting. He leaves for work often with work well he currently has been gone for 8 months. I have slept with my best friend whom is a female I won't sleep with another male. I gave him permission to have sex with a woman he was very interested in with rules that were put in place. To make a long story short they have realized they have fallen in love with each other. She is no longer where he is she is actually across the world but the still want to continue their relationship. My husband says he loves us both and he doesn't want to lose me but he also doesn't want to lose her. I'm feeling confused and hurt because one of the rules were if feelings started to develop it had to stop. I talk to the other woman all the time and him there is a part of me that thinks nothing will come out of it that I need to let it be but then the other side I feel like an idiot. She keeps apologizing for falling for him and tells me she will try to stop talking to him but she can't promise because she can't just turn her feelings off if I want her to. A part of me I feel like I don't want them talking anymore but come on I'm not dumb they will end up talking behind my back. I also know that my husband actually seems happy again so I'm torn because all I have ever wanted was for him to be happy.

I'm having a similar experience. I told my wife about it which has taken a lot of the pressure off the whole thing. The feelings are still there but sharing it with my wife has helped me stay connected to her rather than grow more connected to this other woman. In the meantime, I'm trying to remember my commitment to my wife and remind myself that all of the problems and discontentment of a long term relationship would present themselves even in a relationship with this other woman. This is true no matter how perfect the person seems. I hope this helps.

Sounds very similar to the situation I find myself in. Married, been with my wife for 13 years. 2 kids. We have our moments, but on the whole our marriage is pretty solid. I have always remained faithful.

However......7 years ago I changed my employer. I met this woman there that I was instantly attracted to. She too was married. I suppose the main difference with me and the other stories on here is that the woman in question is older tham me (I'm 36, she's 42). Over the years we became good friends. We have a lot in common. I would describe my feelings as no more than a crush. Kept under control as I knew that circumstances forbid us from becoming more than just friends. We never discussed it, but I sensed that she felt the same way about me. We flirted with each other for years.

About a year ago she seperated from her husband. Nothing really changed other than the flirting from her side became a little more obvious. Anyway, works christmas party early December last year. We had a few drinks, got chatting and both said what we thought about each other. I was right, she did feel the same about me. We held each other whilst talking and even kissed for about half a second - stopping instantly as we both realised we were in the company of our work colleagues and what we were doing was wrong. During those moments I realised that I felt more comfortable holding her than I had my own wife for years. It felt so right. I felt like I was in love. Nothing more happened as others intervened and the evening continued.

Since then I have felt so much in love with her. I can't stop thinking about her. I know its wrong, I know I have to accept that I cannot have the relationship with this woman that I want. But my heart wants what it wants! I have since spoken to her about it (whilst sober). She said if I were single, then she would be interested. However, there is no way she would get invloved with a married man, especially when kids are involved etc. An opinion I respect, and if truth be told respect her for even more.

I guess its early days (4 months now) since I started feeling like this. In time I hope the pain fades away. I can't help but feel this woman would be more suited to me as a partner than my wife - we certainly have more in common and get on extremely well. Who knows, one day maybe it may happen, but this would mean breaking up my family. Something I simply do not wish to do. I know my wife and kids would be heartbroken.

Again, I am not after any advice, it just made me feel a little better reading these stories knowing I'm not the only man out there experincing similar situations. I hope my sory helps others out there feel better too.

Well since everyone is sharing stories i'd post something too!
Its a different kind of story,but its always on my mind...
Call me crazy but the guy that i do think about, doesn't exist in my life now,he was neither a boy friend nor someone i knew for a long time...
He was a man i met over 2 years and a half ago,when i was on vacation,,randomly in a restaurant...we had a lovely chat then he asked me if i wanted to walk with him....well i did!!
Normally i don't walk with strangers but somehow i felt that i am so attracted to him,and i agreed,anyways he had a great personality and he was a very charming man... we walked around the city and it just felt so familiar,and i had that feeling as if i have known him for a very long time,then the night ended and everyone went on his way...
Yet i kept thinking about him the whole night through and i was wishing to meet him again but then we didn't exchange numbers or anything so it was kinda lame to think like that!!
By coincidence i met him after 2 days while he was back from work,and i felt ecstatic,well i had a feeling that he was happy to meet me again, we had a long walk... over 5 hours and it was just the best,we talked about lots of things and we had things in common,well i knew also that he is married but that was at the vey end of the walk,and has daughters too,yet he still showed me that he likes me and he mentioned something like, he wishes he had seen me before his marriage,although i sensed that he was happily married,yet he said it,and he used to look in my eyes i can't really explain that look but it made me really happy,well let's just say i am glad i don't live there cause it would have been devastating cause he is the kinda guy that i would easily fall for him and i would never date a married man,i wouldn't want that to be done to me either.
We are from different countries,religions and cultures so probably that was part of the excitement...and i am sure that i am the total physical opposite of his wife since he is english,and i am more like your X look...i am just analyzing it......
well my problem is that ever since i met him he crosses my mind a lot,well i am married now with kids yet every time i visit that city he is always in my thoughts and some part of me wishes to bump into him,and that's bad to feel this way cause i know i like him yet i know more that i wouldn't do anything to hurt my family and thats for sure,but why does it even cross my mind!!!!!
ps. just to let you know he was not the first guy that showed me admiration, i get hit on by guys all the time and most of them are great looking ones,even when i got married even when i was pregnant ,guys ask me out all the time,yet i never even think about them,they never cross my mind...yet here i am thinking about someone who i probably wont ever see again!!
Well as u said i got to get it out of my chest..
Tips and opinions will be valued :)