Happily Married And Falling In Love With Another WomanI am a happily married 38 year old man. I love my wife and daughter. My wife is beautiful and sexy, and we have a great time together sexually and as friends. I can't stress enough how good my marriage is. Recently, we got a new intern where I work. At first, I didn't really think much about her. She is cute, but at first glance, she isn't exactly drop dead gorgeous. We select interns ba
I have been analyzing this situation, and I have come up with some modifications to my initial perception. I do think my feelings are genuine, but I also think that they are inflated by the following factors. X is a lot younger than me. I love the freedom of her life, and--as happy as I am in my marriage--I miss having my future as wide open as X's. I think that she represents a passed period of my life that I enjoyed a lot. As I mentioned above, she is the physical opposite of my wife. My wife is 5'7", red hair, blue eyes, very white, large breasts, juicy ***, and very intense. X is 5'2", black hair and eyes, Peurto Rican, really thin with small breasts and *** (but cute), and she has a very mild personality. I have never had "types" to which I am attracted. I find a wide variety of women attractive, so its not that I prefer one over the other physically. I just think I like the idea of the variety of experience that she represents. I have been married and faithful for nearly ten years now, so difference seems exciting. Now the most obvious factor. She is my intern. How tacky, right. I agree. I take my responsibilities to interns seriously. We don't take advantage here. Interns are not free labor. I spend a lot of time teaching and answering questions. But it is a huge ego boost that this girl that I'm attracted to thinks that I'm super good at what she wants to do. She is constantly seeking my approval, and I am capable of making her happy with just a few words of praise. It gets me excited just thinking about it. Tacky.
Lately i have been thinking about X a lot. I listen to sad music on the train and have a wistful look on my face. I'm like a ******* teenager and it makes me sick. I see myself feeling and behaving this way and I can't stop it, even though I know its ridiculous. I feel like a fool.
I am not posting this because I seek advice. If you think that you have some advice worth posting, I would live to hear it. Otherwise, I'm not really looking for a bunch of trite adages about the grass being greener. I am mainly posting this to get it off my chest. No one knows. My wife is my best friend, and I can't tell her about it. I hope that there are a few people out there who have had similar experiences and who would like to share them with me.
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It just occurred to me that I should post my updates here in the body and not just the comment section. Here are the two that I have posted over the years:
For some reason there has been a little interest in this story lately. Maybe EP has changed their algorithms? Anyway, I thought i would add a very brief update.
We have hired X. The decision was not completely mine, but I did advocate for it once someone else suggested it. Also, it really did make sense. Plus I felt bad at the idea of not giving this girl a job she deserved just because of how I felt. It didn't seem fair. Hmmm, sounds like I'm trying to convince myself. Anyway, we have been working together for a little over a year now. We share an office on a separate floor from the rest of the company. I can't go into too much boring detail (because I haven't got the time right now), but despite a lot of flirting, hurt feelings, and close calls, nothing has happened.
X and I have grown quite close, and we have finally reached the point where we can both enjoy our relationship for what it is. My take on it is that I get to have a relationship with a beautiful younger woman, without the risk or guilt (not too much anyway) of actual cheating. She gets the thrill of beguiling an older man who values her (unlike her younger suiters) and who knows how to make her feel pretty, wanted, and taken care of when she's with me. When we go to lunch she holds my arm as we walk. Sometimes I hold her hand or put my hand on her thigh when she is feeling down about something and we are talking. There are far too many embraces, and they are often lingering and inappropriately intimate (not coping a feel intimate, just close and familiar). Her skin is so soft and she smells so good. She has amazing eyes, and sometimes they look at me with adoration or lust.
I love it.
Some day, she will fall in love with someone else and I will be heartbroken. Then I will be happy for her. The way I see it (and this has been proven to me over time), we all have special connections with some people. I don't just mean lovers, but also friends. When you have that connection and also sexual chemistry, that is very special, but not unique. You can meet your wife and have it, and then ten years later meet someone else. That person has nothing to do with your feelings for your wife. She is her own thing. I decided to remain faithful.
The relationship with X has not been easy. As a matter of fact, it has been quite turbulent, but I believe that we do have something special and I'm not willing to throw that away. Besides the connection and the chemistry, we share something else. We have very similar outlooks and experiences. She is young and in a lot of pain. She needs help and I can help her. Also, by helping her I have gained a greater understanding of myself. I don't believe in God, but I do think that somehow we were placed in one another's paths. Instead of fighting it we are trying something non-traditional.
So far so good.
I rarely visit this site, and I see that since my last visit that there has been some interest in an update. I think it is a good idea since it has pretty much come to an end.It is actually pretty tame and anticlimactic. Over the years, several things have occurred. First: nothing ever happened. For some time things continued in the same vein but never progressed. There was a lot of flirting and longing, but no more than that. Eventually things cooled a little at a time on their own. I think she was a little disappointed in me for not finding some way to progress things. She sort of looked up to me and she was also kind of needy, so I think she saw me as the person who should figure it all out. When I didn't live up to that, she became a little disenchanted. That is always how these things go. There is a girl at the deli up the street that flirted with me too, but when I didn't ask her out after a few weeks, she stopped. She wasn't mad, she probably figured I was taken or whatever, but she cooled off. That is just the way of things. There is passion and if it is not kindled, it dies.The second thing is that she got fired. It had nothing to do with me or our relationship. If anything, I think she would have gotten fired months earlier if I hadn't been constantly covering for her and cheerleading for her to our employers.That was about 8 months ago. We have had little contact since then. She kind of came out of the woodwork a few weeks ago and we had an email conversation in which she admitted that she had ended contact with me for a while because she was embarrassed about being fired. I felt like there was some nostalgia for the romance in her communications, but it really was looking back fondly and not a desire to pick it back up. Neither of us feel that way anymore.That is it. I haven't seen her since she left last fall. I do have another mid-life crisis/flirting with disaster story I have been meaning to post though. It happened a little over a year ago. I have been pecking away at it over time, but I forgot all about it until right now. Let me see if I can dig it up and post it.
I just went through all the posts and felt like I need to edit this to answer a few questions and concerns.
My wife never really suspected anything. There was a brief moment at the very beginning when X posted a response to almost every FB post I made and my wife was like "who the hell is this girl?!". But she didn't think anything was happening, she was just a little jealous. I don't even remember how that got resolved, haha. But if there was any drama over it I'm sure I would remember. I feel like a lot of people read this post and then project their own situation on to it. Many responses begin with some version of "this is just like me" and then go on to describe a situation that is very different from mine. That is fine. I am glad that some people have felt a connection with me, and I feel it back. But for those who are concerned for my wife, I can only say again that I love her and we have a fantastic relationship. We spend a lot of enjoyable time together and our sex life is fantastic. How I felt about this other girl had nothing to do with my wife. My feelings for her never changed, and so I never changed my behavior.
Another common response is to say that I am selfish. Yes, this is selfish. I said as much several times. It has also been pointed out that this is immature. Again yes, I have said as much in my posts. We are all imperfect. That is why we are here sharing our stories.
Ultimately I have done what I thought was best all along. For those of you who can control your feelings like robots or who can just "get over" things by wanting to, please understand that we are all not able to do that. I think the most that we can hope for is to be self aware and to try to make the right choices in the face of passion and confusion.