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Sometimes I Feel Like I Can't Do This Anymore...

I feel so flawed as a person. I am shy, sensitive and emotional. I am guarded and hard to get close to at times. Hurt me and I will go into myself. I am such a guarded person when someone hurts me. However, sometimes I worry that I over react and that my perceptions on things are all wrong. It makes me feel like I am mentally ill at times as others don't seem to get as upset about things as I do.
I have lost all my friends through no fault of my own and I beat myself up about this everyday.
I had a friend from childhood but she kept pulling out of meeting me time and time again. She then wouldn't speak to me when I cancelled the one night out. I felt like it was one rule for her, one for me and I can't be in a friendship like that.
My other friend got arrested for crimes and I couldn't be sure he wasn't guilty due to the nature of the accusations and I have another friend I met through work but barely see her as she is so stressed out with her kids and with life in general. I feel like nobody has time for me and it hurts when I hear of others my age going out and having a great time, living for the weekend. I dread weekends as I have no-one to go out with. It hurts every weekend and is a harsh reminder of what my life has become. I never thought I would be 25 and have no friends. I keep it hidden from everyone at work but sometimes I think I must have *freak* written across my forehead. I worry that people can just see I am a freak without me saying or doing anything. I am well respected and told *Everyone loves you here* but if that's true then why am I so alone?
Nothing makes sense and I am tired of this life, tired of always struggling and feeling like such a loser.
Jenni855 Jenni855 26-30, F May 13, 2011

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