Not Anymore, Please.

this year has certainly been hell for me. thinking about all the fights, all the shouting, all the tears and all the pain.... i really can't believe how do i make it alive. sometimes i felt like jumping out of the window from the apartment that i lived in, but nah.... i can't. the worst time for me is when i just sit and cry, i am immobile, i don't want to wake up and i just don't know what to do. secretly, i sometimes wish a car would knock the life out of me so i don't have to live another day like that again. when it's good, it's so good til it goes bad. there were just too many fights i have always wanted to avoid but i failed. sometimes i wonder.... why am i this unfortunate? most people would say that it's a blessing in disguise. i feel like i am just one of those toys where god picks you up and put you in any situation he likes. sucks doesn't it? i really can't bear the thought of living another year like this.... i really can't. when i thought things were just about to perk up a little, it goes down the drain, all of it.
LovelessAdvocate LovelessAdvocate
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 19, 2010

the one choice i can do which i have tried to do only make me go back there again.... all i'm saying is that i am not ready.... my family is there to support me..... but u know what kills me the most, the loneliness and emptiness...... if i can turn it around, i never want to fall in the pit of love.... then again, this is when i feel most alive, when my heart is breaking.

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you always have someone to talk to. If you feel like venting, I'd be more than happy to listen to you, and if I can I'll give you some advice. I've had a rough year myself, at least between the last one and this one. Things kinda got better since then. But there was a really low point that I hit before I got back here. Now I'm fighting hard as hell to keep myself from getting dragged down again. I hope things get better for you, and I'm sorry that the fights are ripping you apart like this. Stay strong and don't forget who you are. I'll be here if you need me. Best wishes.