Not Anymore, Please.
this year has certainly been hell for me. thinking about all the fights, all the shouting, all the tears and all the pain.... i really can't believe how do i make it alive. sometimes i felt like jumping out of the window from the apartment that i lived in, but nah.... i can't. the worst time for me is when i just sit and cry, i am immobile, i don't want to wake up and i just don't know what to do. secretly, i sometimes wish a car would knock the life out of me so i don't have to live another day like that again. when it's good, it's so good til it goes bad. there were just too many fights i have always wanted to avoid but i failed. sometimes i wonder.... why am i this unfortunate? most people would say that it's a blessing in disguise. i feel like i am just one of those toys where god picks you up and put you in any situation he likes. sucks doesn't it? i really can't bear the thought of living another year like this.... i really can't. when i thought things were just about to perk up a little, it goes down the drain, all of it.