My Son's "Father"!

My son and I tried for four days to convince his "father" to let him come stay with him for awhile and work until he can enlist in the military in about 9 months.  He insisted that my son call him to speak to him "like an adult" and my son did call,  five times AND left messages that his father did not respond to.  I was sending emails telling him that his boy will have to live in the streets if he doesn't take him in and that it's impossible for him to find a job in this area and that he needs a fresh start and the reponse to both my son and me was absolutely shocking!!!  That jerk sends ME an email saying that my son is stupid repeatedly, and thuggish and said that he doesn't care what happens to him and that he deserves anything that does happen including having to sleep on the sidewalks!!  My son is quiet and has a really good sense of humor and he's loving and considerate of me and respectful.  I don't know who that creature was talking about that's stupid and thuggish but it's not the child that I know!  Naturally I defended my son with all the vehemence and anger of a mother bear and I let the Navy imbedded in me pour out in my words!  Later on I realized that I had let him manipulate us.  He doesn't want my son there so what's the best way to come to that end since my emails have been polite and emotional? Of course, hurt my sons feelings so that he wouldn't want to come live with him and make me angry so that I would stop trying to send him there and I fell for the ruse!  It's not the first time that he's used this tactic to get out of situations that he has lacks the mental and adult capacity to handle.  All he had to do was simply say NO.  That's it. Not play games, not ignore my son, not set rules and then run like a coward. Because of what he said about my son my son doesn't want to have anything to do with his father again. That's exactly what his father wanted.  It's not worth losing a child's love to have privacy.  He has alienated his child for a lifetime and it takes a heartless, cruel low life dog to do that kind of thing.  Occasionally, when my son was growing up, his father would acknowledge him.  It was an off and on every few months or so type thing.  He didn't even tell his only sister that he had a child until my baby was 6 years old. 6!  I'm the one who had to tell her that he had another son too 4 years younger than mine and one 2 years older and a daughter or two.  He disowns ALL of his kids but he keeps right on making them. So now I'm right back where I started from trying to find a place for my son to live until he can enlist.  I called my sister in CA and she said yes he can come but needed to discuss it with her husband whom I can't stand because he's 14 years younger than I am and talks to me like I'm a witless, thoughtless child! She has to put up with him not me! When he called me back we got into an arguement and I ended up hanging up on him! That is another closed door. He's crazy!  It is very fortunate that my landlord hasn't approached me about making my son leave yet. Eventually he will I can feel it.  I want to see about getting him into job corps.  He'll have a place to stay and will learn a trade while he waits for his enlistment to go through. I heard there is a waiting list and I'm hoping that it's not more than a couple of weeks!  It's pins and needles right now for us.  I'm doing the best that I can with what I have and I'm really trying to help my baby out.  No one else is trying and that in itself is a shame. I've got 8 brothers and sisters and we don't get on as a family. 8, and not one willing to help my boy out. I asked my twin brother and he said no. There was no point in asking the rest of them.  My mother has a 3 bedroom house. There's no open door there either. It's very sad.  It'd be putting it lightly for me to say that I am stressing every day.  This doesn't help my health. I have systemic lupus and the chest pains are getting more frequent and stronger. If I don't solve this problem I will end up in the hospital and then what will happen to my son.  We're going to the job corps office on Monday. If for some reason this doesn't work out then I don't know what else we can do.  I can beg the landlord to let him stay here longer and I will but he won't let him stay for no 9 months. I can't afford to lose this place and I certainly can't afford to move again. I got no money and I got no place else to go.  As I said, yes it's my sons responsibility that he is in the predicament that he's in and yes it's his repsonsibility that I am paying for the choices that he made. His father told the lady that my son was renting that room from to put him out. His own father!!! That's something else that burns me up!  It makes me think that he is really jealous of my son. There's no other sensible explanation for why he would seemingly hate my son so. I'm talking his entire life he's mistreated him at times and been openly critical.  I would end that mess real quick and he would haul butt outta my space before I went off on him. I wouldn't let him berate and humiliate my boy! It's got to be jealousy and the fact that he could never control me and I put my boy miles before him.  He's not right. He's just not right.  He should never have been able to make children.  He had me fooled just like he did those other mothers of his kids. Then the charm wore off when the responsibility of being a parent kicked in. That's when he'd run off.  Every single time.

Comprehensive2 Comprehensive2
2 Responses Jul 4, 2007

This is a sad story. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this. Did everything go OK with your son?

I don't think I can help you, but I did read your story and I am truly sorry. Don't be so hard on yourself. I hope tthings will get better for you.