Why Is It So Hard To Meet A Nice Guy?

Every time I meet a guy, he tried to get me into bed. I don't sleep around so I don't do that. I do kiss them and maybe hang out at theirs for a few hours but I don't sleep with them. They promise to ring but never do. One I met a few weeks ago I spoke to for hours, we kissed, hugged then he told me he had a girlfriend? I'm trying not to lose hope, I am a lovely girl and I just can't seem to meet a nice boyfriend at all? Can you advise me?
aicpj aicpj
31-35, F
19 Responses Oct 17, 2010

Never rush be patients. Definitely somebody is waiting for you..yes to find a true friend is not easy. Who cares for you heart & soul, not your body only.

You are on the right way, I am pretty sure, there are millions of people they do think the way you do. Thanks for words.

yeah ..some time it is but it's not necessary that guy who tell u say u just in first meet try u to get in bed ,is poor guy some time u can get awesome guy as well ..it mainly depend upon are they honest or not .. and it will take time to know what i guess .. just don't depend upon any guy and wait for them if u don't wanna do sex in first meeting then don't do .. u have to clearly ask them , u want him as bf but u don't want to do sex and all or ur condition ..believe me some time saying straight forward works .. and if he will be honest and according to u ,he will be pleased with ur this attitude

Stick with it. My wife was the same way, and I admire her for it. She knew I stuck around for her, and who she is. When times get tough she knows I won't run out and cheat, and vice versa. Base it in love not lust. If they don't call back they wouldn't have either if you had put out. Stay strong

interesting question

remember that the male neurological pathways in the brain are different to those of women.

the western society, media ....creates images of attractive women. this can subconsciously create for us men arousal. think of the experiments known as "Pavlov's Dog". That is when ever a dog was fed a bell would be rung. And the dog then came to expect food when the bell was wrong.

so what is my point.

Well the way you dress, the way you behave might trigger lust for some men.

Two, have you asked any men your age or a little older if they know any sensible men you could date ?

I once suggested to a single man I knew that there was a lovely woman he should meet. He hesitated because his pattern was not to be accountable to male friends for the way he treated women.

Three, when you go for a date ...say a coffee or a drink....take along another man. As a chaperone. He will be able to watch the other fellow. Observe his body language and the interaction with you. He might even probe the stranger as to his motives should you get up to "powder your nose".

This is not rocket science.

By the way, I was told in my 40s that women offer sex to get a relationship. And men pretend to offer a relationship to get sex. And that this is the misconnection.

any questions ?

I like to consider myself pretty nice its actually hard to get me mad

Each frog you kiss takes you closer to finding the right guy for you.
Sure, you'll have to withstand a bit of pressure but just tell him " Listen, I want it bad as you do but if stick around, I promise I'll make it worth your time."
Men will lose interest in sex quickly after the thrill of the chase / conquest, so it will take some time getting to know each other to see if there's more than a superficial attraction.
I've flown thousands of miles to find it out.
(Most expensive booty call ever lol)

A little controversial opinion here:

I get a feeling that you give the wrong impression to guys to begin with. I know that as a guy i get a different vibe each time i see a girl. There are some which i take home to introduce to my parents and then there are the ones which i want to take to my apartment and never see them after the night. I am not being sexist, just being honest about my feelings. It could be something about your appearance and/or mannerisms that's evoking the wrong emotion in guys.

Hey, ok, so I know this post is like, from 2 years ago, but I've only just come across it now.. And well, your opinion intrigued me - a lot! Could you please elaborate a little more on this, i:e, the vibes that girls can give off, their mannerisms etc, like you'd mentioned that may put a girl in a 'don't-take-her-serious' category compared to the other girls that end up being treated like the prize?

I really do hope you'll reply to this, even though it may seem like a pain in the bum lol. Thanks!

I have a few theories about it. I may be completely wrong though.
Men are simple creatures - they do not overthink. In general they look for patterns and associate them with a certain type of behavior.

In case of the original poster I have a couple of things i can see is misleading guys:

Kissing a guy. I know its not a big deal but guys assume quite often that if you can kiss in public you will probably be ok with being more intimate in private.

Going to the guy's place - especially if he is someone you have only met recently - is an indication that something can happen physically. I mean the privacy is right there and all thats needed is some escalation of interest. Why would a girl come up to guy's place if she didn't want more intimacy?

Generally if you have the similar external personality traits as other promiscuous women then don't be surprised if guys assume you are promiscuous as well.

Coming to the 'prize catch' girl : The girls that fall into this category for me have something more going for them besides looks. Their personalities are reflections of their life achievements. If I meet a doctor or scientist they generally look and behave that way. Practical, confident and interesting to talk to. One quick test is whether she is busy with work or study and is hard pressed to find time for seeing me. It shows me that her priorities are right.

Let me know if that makes sense. Also please note this is just my opinion.

I have the same think I am about give up talking to guys

it is the women today that have become so damn picky, when it comes to meeting us guys that are seriously looking to meet the right woman today. i am one of so many men that hate going out as well, because it is like a game that can't be won. the club scene is like a joke to begin with, it seems the women are competing with one another to see who they can impress. such a tease that they are. where are the real women that we had years ago?, and it looks like all the good ones are gone.

That's exactly how I feel, but concerning men. Lol

there are many of us straight men that are seriously looking to connect with the right woman, one that doesn't cheat. so many women now seem to be very picky, and years ago it was so much more easier meeting women than today. many women back then did accept a man for himself, and he did not have that much money to be accepted. today women seem to want the RICH GUY instead.

The rest of the world isn't as nice as them - so nice guys have usually had their feelings hurt before and it makes them shy. They're harder to find, but they're out there.<br />
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Don't give up, if a guy isn't ok with the fact that you don't want to jump in to bed with him straight away, he's not the right one for you.

not all guys are scumbags !<br />
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i for one consider myself to be a great guy ..a nice guy.. a devoted husband and father... and yet it wasn't enough for my wife....i think she is the woman who prefares the scumbags !<br />
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Your knight will come along i am sure ....as i hope for my lady one day ! :)

i am a straight man that had to make a comment on this topic. it is the women that are very nasty, and have such a rotten no good attitude why straight men like us cannot meet a good woman for us now. you women seem to play hard to get, and that is not the answer. there are many of us good men that are waiting to meet you. it is very sad, that the good men cannot seem to hook up with the good women. and yet, so many other men and women were able to be very lucky to meet each other. the way i look at it is, god punishes certain men and women like us that want so bad to meet each other but cannot seem to connect with each other. why in the world is that? it is bad enough at one time that i was married and had thought that i have met the love of my life, but she cheated on me. we were together for fifteen years. i never cheated on her, because i loved her very much and i was very committed to her at the time. now being alone and single again, sure sucks for me. i am in my late fifties, and meeting a good woman for me is very hard now. there are many women now that are lesbians, which adds to the problem as well. but i will just keep going out and hope for the best.

I am 57; an attractive and nice woman. I would like to meet someone to do things with. I've been alone for so long. I've tried 3 different dating sites and get very little mail. I think it is because of my age. I look a lot younger and told alot I loot around 42. I am slim, take care of myself. I just do not know what men are looking for. I think the men my age want younger woman.

i would like very much to meet you, but you are probably too far away from me, i am the same age as you, also 57 years old. i am a straight guy, so you know.

hi there, just stumbled across your story and i found it very interesting. funny thing is that guys (some guys) like myself are looking for the same thing in a girl, i have never really met a nice girl, they seem vicious, nasty, backstabbing, and shallow... but thats most girls, some are actually very very nice but they are hard to find, which makes me want to lose hope sometimes....<br />
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its the same with guys, as a guy, i know how the majority of them think, sex seems to be the most important thing for a guy and its just nature, humans need sex, but the type of guy your talking about sleeps with people just to telegraph it and brag about it in front of their other friends. i went to an all boys school and i hated it, and there were so many guys like that, the shallow, jerky type who just talks about boning miss X and sleeping with miss Y and whatever. they are just as common as the nasty girl i experience with in my day to day life....<br />
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which brings me to my conclusion, i might be wrong but when i see the bigger picture, i see that there are alot of jerks, but also alot of airheaded, trendbound girls out there. so i think nice guys AND girls are just not that common anymore. thats why you are having difficulty. its just that people love in a materialistic way and i dont mean to sound cynical but i am only telling my experience on this topic of finding a nice partner to be with, of course this is experience project and i am telling you my comment on behalf of my experiences with girls. so thats why...<br />
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so yeah, i think finding the nice guy happens in very unlikely places, just dont think about it because it happens when you dont think about it, i know that sounds a wee bit cliche and typical but i found this to be true today, when i met a really nice (nice by personality) girl. i was doing my work in the computer room today and the only computer available was next to this redhead girl and i sat there to do my work, i was assuming she was like all those nasty girls, but i ended up not doing my work, but talking to her for ages and ages, and this was all unexpected, see?<br />
if it can happen to me, it can happen to you. just expect it not to happen and let it happen naturally. and i am sure you will meet a nice guy, girls seem to find a good partner better than guys according to my experience...<br />
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okay so thats that, sorry about my comment being way too big but i thought your story was interesting and i wanted to contribute to it in any way but i hope my comment helps in any way possible and take it easy...seeya...

Very nice comment

LOL. I try not to get them into bed. and then they jump into bed with someone else! Generally as a man you get them into bed ASAP or else you're running straight to the friends zone. Like me.

Don't lose hope - have faith that you will meet that person that is just for you. Let things happen over time don't put a time on it.

There are nice guys out there. I think I am one, mostly. I wish I could meet a girl who would be nice to me. I have empathy for you!<br />
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My advice would be that people turn up when you least expect them. So keep going, he will turn up.