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Looking For Love...by A Lonely Nice Guy

hello, i am a married (but separated man) 40 years old .
Who is currently a mess!! brokenhearted and  lost!

my wife of 13 years is having an affair and now says she love s her new man more than me.
Finding it very difficult to cope. The truth is i love with all my heart , and i just want someone in my life who will feel the same.

For all of those years together i have been a worker , and a house husband.I look after the kids all girls 16 , 17 and 8 . 17 and 8 are blood mine and the 16 is mine by love and being her dad for 13 years. (her real dad has no contact). I am Dad and i love being Dad. I do all the shopping, all the cooking 90% of the housework, taking the dog out i pretty much run the house, my wife works long hours ( now i'm not so sure how much of that has been work though).

My wife says i am too good for her, i even prepare a meal (nice bit of seared ahi tuna on a bed of lettuce with taboule salad and some roasted asparagus! was just one i remember) and the drive to her office at night ( sometimes... actually quite regular) with a glass of wine .
And surprise her at the door with food order for you my lady!  ( this before i knew of the affair) 

She also says i'm very handsome, and she always enjoys our lovemaking (well i imagine most of the time....nobody's that perfect!)
I asked her what her lover does for her, that i don't ... she couldn't think of anything
Although she said there is one thing he has never done and that's given her an ******.She then said you have never had a problem in that department.
 She paints me out to be amazing..i'm not.. i just try to be a good husband a dad....i still don't know why she does what she does...Don't think she even knows, just a thrill seeker i guess.............Anyway i'm really lost and would love to have someone to love!

I'M A HOPELESS ROMANTIC.. and i  will never change, i enjoy cooking ..long walks and kissing and to please...making a smile makes me smile.

I would love to hear from anyone out there looking for love or even just a friend!   ...thanks for reading  :)
Englishgent1970 Englishgent1970 36-40, M 6 Responses Mar 29, 2012

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i wish the crap , had been worked out. If at all possible it has got worse, she is now with the other guy, who i obviously dont' see as any thing but a piece of sh*t .Our daughter lives with me, her daughter lives with her.It is still just the biggest mess imaginable... <br />
I am trying to move on , i will be ok eventually .It is just knowing she is with him, 2 mins away from me that drives me crazy !<br />
<br />
She doesn't deserve me .. somebody at some point will make me happy ...

This is sad... very sad...<br />
I seriously hope you worked out all the crap...<br />
Your wife seemingly just is all about herself- and that's not right

Looking for someone to love at this time when you are paining is not the best option. The most important thing is to deal with the situation....albeit how hard it is. Look for counseling or a therapist.......this will sort you out. It will be painful, and its not going to be easy but eventually you will heal

Counseling would be a great thing to consider at this time.

I am very sorry for your pain. It is devastating when something like this happens. But just let me say that EP is not a dating site. I'm not saying that you can't meet someone on here and fall in love because I know it's possible, but I think you are still very much in love with your wife, and in your pain you are reaching for any love that you can get. It would be a rebound love, and they don't usually work out. I'm not even saying that rebound love is a bad thing because it's like a bandaid or taking some aspirin when you have a headache...it eases the pain...but the pain comes back before too long. And, it's really not fair to the other person, if she fell in love with you. It is only time that can help ease this pain. I am also a Brit living in the U.S. so I know how difficult this must be when you are so far from home. Make some friends on EP. There are some great people here, and they really do help in times of need. Best of luck to you.

hello Carissimi. thanks for your response :)..your right i am still in love with my wife, however i realise it is over.And yes i'm in a hell of a lot of pain right now.These words on here are the first i have said to anyone about what has happened.All my friends are our friends, so i have had no one to confide in, I'm a million miles from home and stuck here, working with my wife and her lover! I cannot leave because of my girls. It just seems to get worse everyday, i see them at work and go a little more crazy by the hour.....I WILL be ok eventually, i know and yes i am looking for love, i have a lot to give and feel i have given so much these past years for nothing, my wife is a wonderful person a great mother, she is just not so good to me.
I know i am a loyal person and if i meet the right woman , on here or elsewhere, i will be honest from the beginning . I wouldn't wish my misery on anyone...thanks again for your thoughts

Well that would be intolerable to me...having to see the person I loved with their new love every day. This is too much for anyone to bear. You must find a way out. A new job. I know this is much easier said than done, but you are going through hell by actually seeing it in front of your face every day. Time, distance and keeping busy are the best ways to get over a love, but there is no distance, and you are busy with her and him in your work, so time will never have a chance to ease the pain. For the sake of your sanity, not to mention your heart, you must find a way out.

I know what your saying my sanity is on by a thread right now, unfortunately visa restrictions mean we can only work where we do now, it's very complicated, furthermore to add to my misery we are still living together, she is in the guest room, and i still look at her and 'fancy the pants of her'.....arrgh how wrong is that. I need to hate her, but after all these years i just can't...He has said he has a new job to go to any time now, which would help my sanity a little i think?If he doesn't i see my only option going back to England with the kids if they will come ..If not i have to be with my children, so i will stay....and then who knows? it' can't end well