It's Hard To Explain

I have a few issues going on in my life.
And yes, it is hard to explain. So bare with me on this.
Perhaps I can try to explain.

I don't feel good enough for myself anymore.
Like I have failed myself.
Been too weak or not done enough.

I am not well most days and need a little help and support.
I have hypothyroid hashimotos disease and fibromyalgia.
Along with thoses are lots of symptoms.
The worst is pain, IBS, migranes, weight gain, depression, nausea, dizziness, sudden tiredness.

I have pretty much stopped driving a car now because I lose focus and get all out of it. And thats just not safe.

I like in a country town so getting anywhere is hard now. I have to rely on someone else.

I have a husband a 2 small kids. We have a business and he works alot and at night.

How do I tell them they need to help me more?

The pesimist in me dosen't see this happening.

When I ask for help, I genuinley need it.
I don't want to ask. I want to be able to do everything myself.
But I need the help when I ask for it.

I just want this to go away.
I am so sorry to tell my kids "Sorry I can't do .... today."
It tears me up inside even more.
They are going to miss out on so much.

A ****** spiral I can't seem to escape.

Take dinner time for instance.
Sometimes the smell or even thought of food makes me all queasy.
How do I make them something healthy if I cant be near food.

I used to love cooking but 90% of the time I cant stand it now.

I don't know what to do, just thinking of the lack of support or understanding from my family makes me sadder.

At what point to I go begging and why should I have to?

I feel like I am watching myself slowly die and noone is helping me.
In fact they are just making thing more unbareable by making more mess.

Sorry I have just had a really sad rant here.

But so needed to get it out.
melissamel melissamel
36-40, F
Dec 3, 2012