We Can All Change Our Own Future

i would like to start by telling a little of the bad things about myself and then a little of the good things about me, i will then tell you of my plans to change the direction of my future. at the age of 3 i started to witness my mother being beatin up at the hands of the man i called dad. life was hell my mum coverd in bruises all of us being mentaly abused, we all had a life of hell by that basterd. at 8 the friendly, handyman neighbur stared usein his hands to sexualy abuse me for god knows how long and how many times. my mother plucked the courage up and lft him wen i was around 10. at age 12 another nxt door neighbur thought it was his givin rite to take my virginity and use my inacent prepuprty body for sex when ever he felt like it and please believe me it hurt so bad everytime. at that age a family member would sneak into my room at nite when they thought i was asleep and once again my body was used for  indecency purposes. around this time i started drinking srtaight vodka and gettin drunk etc etc. god by the time i was 15 i was addicted to drugs sent to jail at 16. life didnt get any better  i lost all the freinds i had and have struggled to meet and make freinds since i got involved with that ****.life has got better since  i had my kids and met my partner kevin. now ill try and tell you some positive things, this is how im going to change my future for me and my family!!! i learnt karate young and was one of Scotlands youngest girls to pass my blackbelt ( that was 1 of my proudest moments period ) i had alot of freinds at school so at one point i must av been liked and popular. im loyal and when i love someone i love them and its for keeps. im funny sometimes and dont relise it. i have brought 2 great little kids up, they are so fantastic. when i set my mind to something i do it, and i do it good. all the things bad that has happened to me and all the bad i have done if i let it all get in top of me i would never move on, so today i have decided i will move on with my life, my kids will get a better up bringin my partner will get a real partner out of me not someone who blames him for things that is wrong in my life. i am taking responsablty for it all and i will do everything in my power to make a better future for all of us and not let my past destroy our future!!! thats a ****** promise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ashbash23 ashbash23
22-25, F
20 Responses Jan 5, 2008

real talk, you are a survivor, but as much as we love to do things on our own we all need help sometimes. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOU! The things that happened to you are not your fault but if you go to some sort of meeting of people who survived child molestation as well as 12 steps for substance abuse groups ending in "A" you will find you are not alone and you will get strength, hope as well as help others with your journey thur life. I BELIEVE IN YOU AND KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! stay strong peace.

I have been through much of the same, I realize now that I am able to release the past that I am more than a survivor I am a victor. It is so encouraging to see that you are choosing not to let your past dictate your future. We are not our past. I always say I don't have to react like a victim, it is not currently happening I can choose to live in the present. It is amazing how powerful you begin to feel when you realize you have a choice. You can choose not to give your abuser power to affect your life anymore. Good for you. If you need help navigating the journey to recovery I would love to support you.

It sounds to me like you are doing an amazing job!! Thank you for sharing your story. There may be times when the past creeps back up on you- but you are obviously more than strong enough and determined enough to not let it drag you down. You should be extremely proud of yourself. Look at all you have accomplished (raising 2 kids is no easy feat). You sound to me like an amazing young woman- with an even more amazing life ahead of you. <br />
I am impressed with how you are willing to accept the past, change the things that you can, and not let it hold you back from all of the wonderful things that life does have to offer. Love is an amazing thing- love that we give, and that we recieve. It just sounds like the love you have for your children will help guide you and remind you what a wonderful thing life really can be. I think your story will be inspiring to others- so thank you again for sharing.

I let my rape experience affect all aspects of my life (family, friends, relationships,jobs).... Its time to take the driver seat of my life and wont let anything affect me anymore. I am now 40 and am in the process of thinking what should I do for my life. A lot of time is wasted from not accepting its not my fault. I was violated so why blame me....<br />
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Kudos to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am glad I found this site.....

It is awesome you have decided to take the drivers seat. One thing that helped me deal with my past rape and abuse was to truly forgive. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. It is letting go and moving forward. I try to remember that we all came into this world as perfect love and I try to see my abusers as infants full of possibility and have compassion on that innocent soul that has been so twisted by life that they could become what they did become someone capable of hurting another so egregiously.

Wow. I read stories like yours and it makes me just shake my head in anger at those people who hurt you in such awful ways; I am really so sorry that you had to endure. <br />
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On the other hand, sounds like you have found your way out! And by your choosing to look at the positive side of life & making wise choices with your own kids, you are changing that generational pattern your Mom began. Way to go! I already said a prayer for you to know how special you are & that God has great plans for your future!!! Thanks for sharing & encouraging.

wow.. you have got to be the strongest person i've ever met.. to have gone through that and be the encouraging woman you are today.. good for you. i only wish i could have your courage to get through the small things in my life. you are a roll model. and i'm amazed.. <br />
you're honestly inspiring <br />
thank you

I admire your heart and spirit, you keep that mind set and nothing will hold you down! May God bless you and keep you and cause his face to shine upon you!

I'm so glad you're getting control back and wish you so much happiness in the future

good on you,childhood is a short time when we dont have control,then some of us have to let it go to have a good life,now that your in charge ,things will bve good x

Thanks so much for sharing and I wish you the best of luck throughout the future! :)

i just have one thing to say about how you are changing your fucher..........YOU GO GIRL!!!!!!!!!!

Some of us have a extremely strong spirit and can control it .You are one. Bless you.

You go girl!!!!!!

God!!! I am freaking out just by reading!!! i thought I was the only one who had to go through the worse in life and i would often ask " why me?" but woman youre gutsy!!! Hands off to your courage. <br />
What ever happened with me, i plan on doing something about it and that is the reason i plan on joining law. May be through this Ill be able to help.<br />
KUdos to ur strength!!! Keep Rocking! :)

keep your head up sister friend and take it one day at a time. peace and love my sister.

Wow - you are amazing! If your story is not encouraging then don't know what is!

I am so happy to read how strong person you are! Yes, the decision not to blame others is a wise and a courage one. Well done, I wish every happiness in your and your kids and husbant life! I believe it will be. I believe everybody makes his own future and you definately are a person that can achieve a great future!

You are great! I wish you achieve triumph in your life.

i did let my past grind me down, thats a great way to describe what was going on in my life. i think after been involved with drugs, nasty people and blaming everybody else for my problems, although im not using drugs now i now if i dont change my thinking and my life style ill end bak in the gutter. i dont want that life anymore its in my power to change all that and thats what im going to do x x x ps thanks for your comments x

I just told my brother the same thing . You can't change the past but you can change the future! :)