Living By My Own Rules Now...My entire life I have done whatever I can to make everyone around me happy. I have been taken advantage of, abused, raped, and left for broken. I have given up my dreams to support those around me and help them achieve theirs. I don't think there was a time in my past, where I ever felt that I deserved anything better or more. I always felt like an outsider- even in my own family. I always wanted to love and be loved- but learned that there is a huge price to pay when you open your heart up.
I'm ready to put the past behind me. It may have shaped who I am, and made me more cynical, but it hasn't destroyed me. I think I have been holding on to all of the negative things from my past- and letting it decide my future. The little voice in your head that says "you're not good enough... you will never amount to anything, you will never be anything, you're pathetic, a loser... " needs to be silenced. Because I know that I am a good person. I know that everybody deserves to love and be loved- unconditionally. I need to focus my energy on myself... and finding the things that actually make me happy, instead of depending on others to bring me happiness.
I've always been a very independent person. I know I can 'survive' on my own. But, now it's time to do what I want. Enjoy life, the way I want to enjoy it. Not living it under the confines of somebody elses idea of what is good. This should be an interesting journey... trying to re-discover the things that actually make me happy. It's time to set aside the pain from the past. It's time to actually realize that there is a future... and that my future is what I choose to make of it.
I'm not going to live with regrets. I'm going to embrace all the wonders and joys of life. I'm not going to worry about what people will think, or what they will do. I am only going to worry about what I need to do for myself.
brokenangel913 41-45, F 98 Responses 48 Mar 30, 2011