I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future
The Truth About Adam and Eve:
Eve was used. You remember Eve, of "Adam and Eve" fame? She's the poor girl who got blamed for tempting Adam with the apple and the subsequent downfall of the human race. See, Adam was a guy. Guys like running around half naked, burping, farting, and touching gross things. Guys especially like reptiles.
Eve was a woman. Women like pretty things, clean things, and most importantly, women scream when approached by reptiles.
Eve was also the mother of the human race. I don't know about your mother, but mine would rather have died than eat anything slithered on by a talking snake. Do you think the floor of the Garden of Eden was clean? Adam and a bunch of animals lived there, dropping their crap wherever they wanted! Snakes have no legs. They slither on their bellies, and plow through all that crap. Snakes are REALLY dirty. I think it's safe to say that Eve would have known this, living in the Garden with them and all. I would put money down that she wouldn't eat anything a snake touched! So here's how I think it really went down:
Adam headed over to the Tree of Knowledge to watch the wildebeest match. Sometime during the game, Snake showed up. "Hey" said Snake. "Hey." Adam nodded in Snake's direction.
They fell into an easy conversation about which wildebeest team was having a better season, and where the best watering holes were. Adam offered Snake some fermented cider, and Snake accepted appreciatively.
When the game ended, Adam and Snake stayed at the Tree. Heavy drinking eventually led to Feats of Manliness. Snake punched a wildebeest. Adam wrestled a bear. Snake ate a bug. Adam licked a frog. Then it happened – Snake dared Adam to eat an apple.
Around this time, Eve had been wondering where Adam was. He was supposed to be home hours ago, and God was on His way over! Looking for Adam in the garden, Eve let out a panicked screech as she found him – under the Tree of Knowledge, apple in mouth.
"Nooooooo!!!!" Eve screamed as she dove at Adam, swiping the apple out of his hand and knocking both of them into the bushes.
Just then, God turned the corner, looking for them. He pulled back a couple of fig leaves and asked, "What are you two doing in there?" A disheveled Adam stood up and giggled nervously.
At that point God saw the half eaten apple. Adam jumped up and exclaimed, "Before you get mad, I can explain everything." Pointing at Eve, he said, "That woman gave it to me!"
Eve gawked incredulously and stared up at God, who leaned down and whispered, "It this true?" He already knew the truth, being God and all, but He wanted to hear it from her.
Poor Eve was in a pickle. If she told the truth, her beloved man was sure to take a thunderbolt to the backside and be reduced to ashes! If she didn't, then she'd face the wrath of God!
Eve looked up into the face of God staring down at her expectantly. She glanced at Adam, shifting nervously from foot to foot. She thought she noticed a bead of sweat on his brow! Eve gulped, gave God her best doe eyes, and nodded.
Of course Eve got cursed, because nobody lies to God and gets away with it. Her pain in childbirth was greatly increased. Worse yet, most of her sons inherited their father's reluctance to accept responsibility for their actions! Adam, on the other hand, learned how to pee standing up.
So there you have it. Eve was used. She took the fall for her man.
Eve was used. You remember Eve, of "Adam and Eve" fame? She's the poor girl who got blamed for tempting Adam with the apple and the subsequent downfall of the human race. See, Adam was a guy. Guys like running around half naked, burping, farting, and touching gross things. Guys especially like reptiles.
Eve was a woman. Women like pretty things, clean things, and most importantly, women scream when approached by reptiles.
Eve was also the mother of the human race. I don't know about your mother, but mine would rather have died than eat anything slithered on by a talking snake. Do you think the floor of the Garden of Eden was clean? Adam and a bunch of animals lived there, dropping their crap wherever they wanted! Snakes have no legs. They slither on their bellies, and plow through all that crap. Snakes are REALLY dirty. I think it's safe to say that Eve would have known this, living in the Garden with them and all. I would put money down that she wouldn't eat anything a snake touched! So here's how I think it really went down:
Adam headed over to the Tree of Knowledge to watch the wildebeest match. Sometime during the game, Snake showed up. "Hey" said Snake. "Hey." Adam nodded in Snake's direction.
They fell into an easy conversation about which wildebeest team was having a better season, and where the best watering holes were. Adam offered Snake some fermented cider, and Snake accepted appreciatively.
When the game ended, Adam and Snake stayed at the Tree. Heavy drinking eventually led to Feats of Manliness. Snake punched a wildebeest. Adam wrestled a bear. Snake ate a bug. Adam licked a frog. Then it happened – Snake dared Adam to eat an apple.
Around this time, Eve had been wondering where Adam was. He was supposed to be home hours ago, and God was on His way over! Looking for Adam in the garden, Eve let out a panicked screech as she found him – under the Tree of Knowledge, apple in mouth.
"Nooooooo!!!!" Eve screamed as she dove at Adam, swiping the apple out of his hand and knocking both of them into the bushes.
Just then, God turned the corner, looking for them. He pulled back a couple of fig leaves and asked, "What are you two doing in there?" A disheveled Adam stood up and giggled nervously.
At that point God saw the half eaten apple. Adam jumped up and exclaimed, "Before you get mad, I can explain everything." Pointing at Eve, he said, "That woman gave it to me!"
Eve gawked incredulously and stared up at God, who leaned down and whispered, "It this true?" He already knew the truth, being God and all, but He wanted to hear it from her.
Poor Eve was in a pickle. If she told the truth, her beloved man was sure to take a thunderbolt to the backside and be reduced to ashes! If she didn't, then she'd face the wrath of God!
Eve looked up into the face of God staring down at her expectantly. She glanced at Adam, shifting nervously from foot to foot. She thought she noticed a bead of sweat on his brow! Eve gulped, gave God her best doe eyes, and nodded.
Of course Eve got cursed, because nobody lies to God and gets away with it. Her pain in childbirth was greatly increased. Worse yet, most of her sons inherited their father's reluctance to accept responsibility for their actions! Adam, on the other hand, learned how to pee standing up.
So there you have it. Eve was used. She took the fall for her man.
By:
orangehoney
Age:
46-50
,
Female
