Reflections Of My Life

Reflecting back on my years I know I have changed from who I was in my younger years.My mind tends to run at night while I try sleeping sometimes reliving thoughts that I wish I could forget.They were after all times of mental and physical abuse.Why remember them at all? My answer is to learn from them and it has shown me how to spot abusers ,users,and oh! yes loosers. Unfortunately for myself I really didn't pick the best choices for me in life when it came to relationships.But I learned from them that I'm very fortunate to be alive.If not by having this happen I would not have grown into who I am today.
Differant situations and circumstances makes you wake up real fast if your in an abusive relationship.It teaches you not to take it any more and to get out while you can. Stay in it you may die.Yes, I'm talking to anyone who is in this type of relationship. They will never change and may even say they are sorry. But how many times will you let this person get away with it? Maybe when your six feet under? Ask yourself don't you deserve better in life? Myself I ran one day literally for my life and after that hid and started a new life so I could live again.I deserved love,compassion and understanding that life isn't all cracked up to be knocked around.
It taught me to stand my grounds and have this person put away. It taught me all kinds of self estem and to believe in myself. Do you?
Yes, reflections of my life weren't the best but taught me to take the blinders off and learn the world of what I can have and make it.
deleted deleted
26-30
3 Responses Jun 16, 2012

"My mind tends to run at night while I try sleeping sometimes reliving thoughts that I wish I could forget."<br />
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I used to do that a lot, but the thoughts were mostly incoherent snippets of incomplete memories, and I couldn't make sense of them. I had nightmares, too, sometimes waking up crying, or even screaming. A friend suggested to me that when my mind was spinning like that, I should just write—not thinking, just writing. I did that, writing down the snippets on loose leaf paper, and after a few days I was able to put the snippets together, like a jigsaw puzzle, and see what it was that my Psyche was trying to get me to look at, and deal with. Understanding what was bothering me, and addressing it with some therapy, its been many years since I've had trouble sleeping, or any nightmares at all.

I have come to believe that your Psyche—your soul, spirit, sub-concious, whatever you like to call it—doesn't cause you mental turmoil without some reason. Yhose things that I had always thought that I remembered fully were, in fact, more like a silent movie of the event than like the full experience; I had forgotten the anxiety, terror and rage that I felt, and my feeling sheer, total, helplessness. Recovering the full memories helped me to find peace and happiness. I was very young when all of this happened, so I really don't know how it relates to someone abused later in life, but I offer it for what its worth, with a sincere desire to help.

Dear Haunted, you always have the most genuine things to say. I really respect your wisdom and how you made your life turn out for the better.<br />
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I can most often than not, relate to the many things you write about. I agree that you are a wealth of information and could write a wonderful book about your journey.<br />
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I too, believe, with every fiber of my being that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. Yes it sounds soooooooo clich'e but I don't care, it is what I truly feel and believe.<br />
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We are who we are ba<x>sed on ALL of our ACCUMULATIVE life experiences ! We wouldn't be the great people we grew to be if we would not have went through what we did.<br />
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I memorized a great quote for what keeps you up at night............" If you ever go through hell, do not stop and take pictures " !<br />
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I FINALLY learned what it meant to HONOR my past and when I did, my life changed again, for the better. <br />
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Our society is filled with so many different kind of rituals so I thought..... why not do something memorable with all of the things I went through that hurt me ? So.....<br />
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I created a beautiful handmade box, filled it with ALL of my past hurts, went to the beach at midnight, said a prayer for GOD to heal me and make me whole. I poured the contents of the box full of writings into the beautiful bon-fire and watched them burn.<br />
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They are NOTHING but ashes now which I collected in a bag after the fire went out and walked to the end of our pier and gently, lovingly, poured them into the sea.<br />
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It was EXHILARATING as I sloooowwwwlllyyy poured out all of the ashes of pain and sorrow ....... into the majestic sea and watched them disappear forever. <br />
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This was, by far, one of the most empowering things I have ever done for myself. I felt completely cleansed of all of the negative energy that I had been allowing to build up inside of me for years.

I first want to say that I am proud of you. You were brave enough to get out of the bad relationship, and are now able to recognize those that are not good to have relationships with. Because of this you have made a turn around and are equipped to help other women recognize when its time to leave a bad relationship and to recognize undesirable prospects. It is true some will not heed your advice, but you have a message to tell. Some are afraid to leave, others are too desparate (just wanting a man in their life at all costs). Your misery is your ministry. Many want to know how so identify them so they can avoid them. You have the answers. Maybe you should start a blog or something that others can come to to get your wisdom. We are all ministers in some way shape or form. There are those who need to hear what you have to offer. Someone is waiting and looking for you. God Bless You.