My Future: Unknown

My past seems to haunt me every single day of my life and I have been through so much, but everything that has happened to me has made me who I am today. I went to school and I went to college and I enjoy being ****** up and somehow I did it all. But here lastly I have realized some things. I work at a gas station and spend my money on my habits and I regret it all the time every day, but yet I continue to do it. I know what I want to do, but it's just seems impossible.
When I was young I had big dreams, I'm sure we all do/did. I draw and I love to draw and I love tattoos and I want to do something like that one day. I have recently started drawing again because I missed it so much and now I am drawing tattoos for people again, just 2 but hey its a start.
I want my own place and I don't want to smoke spice ever again. Granted I'll probably buy a bag tonight, but one thing I have come to see is that I am becoming more and more like my father every day. HE is wolf in sheep's clothing and some even consider him the devil. I haven't seen or spoken to him in years, but I know I am becoming more like him every day. But I have vowed to never become him. I am the only child of his that graduated high school. The only one who made it to college and the only one who hasn't been locked up and I plan to keep it that way. I know I can do it I know I can put myself on track. I just have to push away the things that make me want to smoke, which is nothing really. But damn it it helps with my anxiety and sleeping. But it kills me every time I smoke it and I feel like an idiot for still doing it, but it's an addiction I have to over come. I have some faith in myself.
SecretSpirit SecretSpirit
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 14, 2012

good least you have faith in yourself...i know people who had/have habits, and they have no self esteem whatsoever, so your on the right track wiv the drawing and working...things wont be the same forever and only you can change things...keep the faith!