It's True.

That makes sense. Sometimes it's difficult to accept bad experiences with a positive outlook, but it really does help in the healing process.

I agree. It's difficult to resist the urge to forget everything, but it's what stops us from repeating it.

Thank you. :)

Thank you very much. Your comment was a very nice reminder for me. :)

Just a thought, things happen for a reason because they have, in itself, a reason for happening or things happen for a reason because we are here to appreciate them, so attributing them with the potentiality of having a reason for their occurrence?

@ Happyfelisa: Yes, I do very much agree with you. We would not be who we are if we didn't have "good" or "bad" things happen to us, and either way what has happened has happened, and it won't change. Honestly, I believe we should chalk it up as lessons learned.

@ Trevmorr094: You make a good point, very thoughtful.

Although I respect your opinion, I must disagree. I look at the "everything happens for a reason" the same way I look at the "Cause and effect" law.

I applied to my job for a reason, and that reason was so I could get my job. The reason I got my job was because I had a good resume. I fully believe that things happen for a reason, due to what we, or others, make happen. I'm not saying to not do anything to change things--we have to, or things would repeat in cycle. When I have kids, I'm going to keep a very close eye on who they interact with---the reason being because of what's happened to me, and I won't let it happen to them.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate that, and the same for you. :)

Thank you for such a kind comment. :)

You're welcome.

Thank you. :) And same here--a few things have changed since I wrote this, including breaking up with my fiance, but in 2013 I'm living for me and making the best of life. :) Best of luck to you!

And to you !

A wonderful quote. :)

Great FB page Shawn, thank you

Michelle

Thanks Shebby88.

You are most welcome, sensualspirit.

You're welcome. :)

Thank you very much for your comment--it added more insight into what I was already saying. I have been been guilty of dreading the past and the future, even recently so. But yes, once we accept that what has happened has happened, and start forcing ourselves to understand what we must do to ensure a more positive future, we'll be doing ourselves a much better justice. I think it would help in the battle against some mild forms of depression, as well, because stressing over such things has a lot to do with it.

@Graham, I added you as a friend.

You're welcome--and thank you for your comment. :) I hope things get better for you. I've recently split with my fiance, so I understand that things get hard, but we just have to keep a positive outlook. I do hope things start looking up for you, and feel free to message me should you need someone to talk to. :)

Thank you. :)

I am currently in the process of permanently splitting from mine. Some break ups should be celebrated rather than mourned. "Here's to the men that we love, here's to the men that love us. But the men that we love will never love us so **** all that, here's to us." Quote from Dirty Love. I like your outlook on things anyway. I've been in and out of depression and I have to say that if you can remain this positive when you approach your late 20's you have it made. The thing is we will always repeat the patterns we learned growing up. The relationships we form when we are young show us how to form relationships as we grow. We might attract the same patterns as to try and work them out differently and if we can recognize these early signs when the pattern begins to occur again in a new relationship we can learn new skills and tools that will not enable these patterns to continue for long. Hopefully over time breaking away from old patterns and creating new healthier ones.

First off, I love that quote. :) And I'm sorry that you're having to split from yours as well, but we're stronger for it. :)

Thank you. I battle with depression and Bi-Polar II Disorder, myself, and so I know how rough it is. It's very difficult to maintain a positive outlook, I won't lie, but I also keep telling myself that things will get better--but the only way that they're going to get better is if I take the steps and allow them to. Most of the time, I am the one who keeps things from taking a turn for the better, because at a young age I had no control over what happened, and I've realized this. I think that looking at it that way helps me a lot.

That is an excellent statement, and a very true one despite the fact that I would have denied it three years ago. As it's said in my story, I am a victim of child abuse, and I have realized that both long-term relationships that I have been in have ended up with me being put through some sort of abuse again. My first ex was an alcoholic sociopath who stole what was left of my self esteem (most of it had been trying to recover after what happened with my father), and who made me feel worthless. The one I just left turned out to be a drug abuser (who is now seeking help, thankfully) who stole over a thousand dollars from me and didn't treat me right. So, I've started to realize that I'm getting into a pattern, and that's ultimately what I believe is going to help me get out of it--by realizing and accepting that this is what is happening.

I think admitting when we're going through these things, or allowing ourselves to become stronger because of it, is what initially helps us to better things--and ourselves, in the long run.

But, as far as love goes, for people like us who have been abused tend to fall for those who do similar things, but in different ways. A favorite quote of mine from "The Perks of Being a Wallflower" suits the situation perfectly, as I see it:

"We accept the love we think we deserve."

It's the mentality that we have to get out of--and I'm no saint to it, either. I am personally guilty of this.

Thank you Shebby & yes, I could tell you are well beyond your years. Kudos for your wisdom & pushing thru the pain. I can feel it.

I added you to my circle b/c I couldn't find the friend button LOL

Reach out if you'd like.

Hugs

Michelle

Thank you. :) Yes, I've been told this quite a bit, that I seem older than I am (considering I'm nineteen), and I consider it a positive thing. I have to, considering the circumstances that surrounded the need to grow up faster than I was supposed to. :)

Thank you. :) I work every day to become stronger, and do what I can to help others when possible.

Lol, I'll go ahead and add you back.

Thank you, and the same goes for you should you ever need someone to talk to.

Shelby

Yeah and don't forget from this you have learned exceptional skills such as the ability to spot these people out. The re occurring pattern makes sense as when we feel a sort of familiarity we apply our learned behaviors such as learning how to cope and adapt for our own survival. We may be aware the relationship is unhealthy setting off triggers & the ways they are being dealt are more damaging than not. For those of us who've been abused we go back into coping & surviving mode if the relationship is one sided or unsupportive and lacking nuture.

Wisdoms beyond your years you will later come to find is part of being emotionally independent. One day you may mourn the loss of your youth as being adultified or abused will force a person to grow up quickly. Once you go through certain things at a young age it's hard to relate with others your age unless they've gone through similar experiences. Usually others who have been there will have serious issues. Learning skills to protect yourself such as not trusting too easily or giving too much when very little is reciprocated is something I've come to value till this day. It sounds like you may be a warm hearted individual & so naturally you will attract all kinds of people including predators. Although they don't always appear that way at first. Being young & pretty makes you even more vulnerable. Don't let anyone determine your value or confidence or look to others for validation.

The recurring pattern of abuse makes sense, because it's what we're taught from a young age. Whether we have learned otherwise or not in our adult life, it's still instilled in us as far as what to expect. I do what I can to avoid people like that now, while at the same time retaining my knowledge so that I can pass it along to others as well.

And yes, I've learned about the wisdom as well. I have occasionally been very upset because of losing the opportunity at a real childhood. It was stolen from me, and I find myself envying children that I see that are truly happy, but then I realize that I should be happy for them because they get to have what I never did, and they deserve it. It's difficult, but it's nice to know that not everyone has to go through such terrible things.

I'm overly kind to people to the point of self destruction at times, but I'm getting better about making sure to care for myself first.

Thank you very much for the kind words and good advice. I truly appreciate it.

I'm sorry that you have had to go through that as well, but it really does cause one to become much wiser. Triggers are one of the hardest things to deal with, and I am happy to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't turned to an addiction to deal with these kinds of stress. And thank you. :)

"Triggers are one of the hardest things to deal with, and I am happy to know that I'm not the only one who hasn't turned to an addiction to deal with these kinds of stress. "
It's nice to know there are others out there like me because it seems so many people I know are addicted to something from weed to cigs to alcohol to forms of abuse.

Exactly, and it's sad. I understand the hardships of people who have gone through things that create triggers or anything of the sort, but in the end, any form of addiction will only make it worse, because addictions make us feel worse about ourselves. I've seen too many people destroyed as people because of it, or killed.

I'm so impressed with what you guys are doing. Understanding the impacts of our past, including childhood abuse, becoming aware of resulting patterns. Very powerful. Here's something that might help. Stop resisting the past. Shebby already talked about that. And stop trying to directly change what's going on inside. We psychologists have spent decades trying to do that and have finally realised that the most powerful way to achieve internal change is to accept (for now) what's going on inside .... uncomfortable feelings, sense of insecurity, etc .... and focus on changing our behaviour. It's really tough to directly change uncomfortable feelings and the unconscious beliefs that are driving them, that result from our past. But we can always choose what we do. And the amazing thing is that if we accept our feelings and change our behaviour, there's a powerful feedback loop that changes the beliefs and patterns that, up to now, have been driving our feelings and unproductive behaviour. If we continue to resist our feelings and behave in ways that are driven by them, we'll continue to reinforce the beliefs that are driving the feelings. So if we're depressed and withdraw, we'll reinforce the unconscious beliefs that are driving the depression. If we accept the feeling while we fully engage in life, we'll unwind them. If you stay in an abusive relationship, you'll reinforce the beliefs that drove you into it. Accept the past and the resulting uncomfortable feelings .... then dump him and find someone better ... and you'll unwind those beliefs. It's called 'accept the feeling, choose the action' ... the most powerful tool I know of for creating permanent internal change.

You have a very good point, and I greatly respect you for being able to say those things. It really is a matter of how you handle things that can have the biggest impact. As you said, with depression and the like, it's very easy to withdraw and dwell on the emotions and feelings that go with it (I'm guilty of doing this at times), but I've found that it's best if I DO go into work instead of calling out, or if I go out and hang with a friend that I enjoy being around. Constant contact with others, or even doing mundane tasks, can help quite a bit because you aren't allowing yourself to be overpowered by the depression.

Thank you so much for your support and kind words.