I Cant Change the Past But I Can Change My Future
I believe that each one of us has their own troubles and I too had my fair share of it as well. I had been betrayed by the person whom I had loved and treasured the most in my life. He spun a lie and distributed my photos without my permission and without even knowing it , I became an internet star overnight and I only found out after some of my friends told me about it. Apparently he had used the context of 'someone hacked into my account' and distributed the photos. However , the police had tracked him down but alas , the photos had been distributed all over the internet already and it was too late.
Not wanting to make much more of a commotion so that people's attention on me would die down , I did not file a lawsuit against him , letting him off the hook and continued the facade of having my account hacked by a stranger. But it has been a few years since that incident yet people could still recognize me like someone of the people here already did. I was especially mortified when people could recognize me when I go out in the streets , pointing their fingers at me , laughing.
I sincerely regret for being so dumb , so dumb that I had trusted the wrong guy. Trusting his sweet words and did the foolishest of things possible. I would also like to borrow the chance to apologize to the people whom I had blocked and deleted comments of.
I'm really sorry , I don't mean to do that but I just want to start a new life. It had been really hard for me to get past these two years after I became infamous. Did you know how hard was it for me just to get out of depression afterwards ? Did you know how much pain I felt when I felt as though I had disgraced my family ?
Struggling with a break up with my boyfriend , facing the stares and snickers of people , even relatives were sneering at me behind my back. Ultimately when I went out one time to fetch my little brother from school despite the stares that I were getting , I was dragged into a dark corner where I was raped. Up until today , their voice still haunts me , calling me names like a nasty dirty **** and such for posing for such photographs..
I was really that devastated that I did not come out from the house for months. Withdrawing from school , losing all form of contact with the outside world as I stayed cooped up in my bedroom , cursing myself for being that stupid. Yes , who's to blame ? I myself was the cause of all this. Unable to take it after the commotion did not die after a few months , being unable to resume to my daily life , I attempted suicide but failed. Up till today , I still have the scars on my wrist to prove it.
After attempting suicide for the first few months , my family had to refer me to a therapist. And after sessions and sessions of counselling , he finally convinced me to come out of my shell once more. He told me that if I was worried about how society viewed me , I should try socializing on the internet first and suggested to me to create a fake alias so that no one would be able to recognize me.
As many of my friends may had noticed but my replies were usually cold and short. I sincerely apologize for it , I'm just not used to conversing anymore. I'm afraid of being judged like how others had judged me without knowing the whole truth. I am afraid of trusting people now , that's why I spare little to no information about myself , not even wanting to reveal my age.
I had been scolded '****' , '*****' , '*****' in the past few days that I had joined by the people whom had recognized me through the photos. Some of them even called me fake as my name and photos were pretty infamous back then. Why is it so hard just for me to blend into society once more ? Can't I be normal again after committing a single folly ? I realize my mistakes and even people whom came out of jail often get a second chance in life and yet people are giving me the death sentence. Why must you all continue to condemn me ?
All I want now is just a second chance in life. Please , for those of you whom had added me and recognizes my photos , please try to keep mum about my real name. I just want a second chance in life as a different person , not daunted by my past anymore and I really don't know what to do anymore.. Do I really have to die for you guys to let me off ?
Not wanting to make much more of a commotion so that people's attention on me would die down , I did not file a lawsuit against him , letting him off the hook and continued the facade of having my account hacked by a stranger. But it has been a few years since that incident yet people could still recognize me like someone of the people here already did. I was especially mortified when people could recognize me when I go out in the streets , pointing their fingers at me , laughing.
I sincerely regret for being so dumb , so dumb that I had trusted the wrong guy. Trusting his sweet words and did the foolishest of things possible. I would also like to borrow the chance to apologize to the people whom I had blocked and deleted comments of.
I'm really sorry , I don't mean to do that but I just want to start a new life. It had been really hard for me to get past these two years after I became infamous. Did you know how hard was it for me just to get out of depression afterwards ? Did you know how much pain I felt when I felt as though I had disgraced my family ?
Struggling with a break up with my boyfriend , facing the stares and snickers of people , even relatives were sneering at me behind my back. Ultimately when I went out one time to fetch my little brother from school despite the stares that I were getting , I was dragged into a dark corner where I was raped. Up until today , their voice still haunts me , calling me names like a nasty dirty **** and such for posing for such photographs..
I was really that devastated that I did not come out from the house for months. Withdrawing from school , losing all form of contact with the outside world as I stayed cooped up in my bedroom , cursing myself for being that stupid. Yes , who's to blame ? I myself was the cause of all this. Unable to take it after the commotion did not die after a few months , being unable to resume to my daily life , I attempted suicide but failed. Up till today , I still have the scars on my wrist to prove it.
After attempting suicide for the first few months , my family had to refer me to a therapist. And after sessions and sessions of counselling , he finally convinced me to come out of my shell once more. He told me that if I was worried about how society viewed me , I should try socializing on the internet first and suggested to me to create a fake alias so that no one would be able to recognize me.
As many of my friends may had noticed but my replies were usually cold and short. I sincerely apologize for it , I'm just not used to conversing anymore. I'm afraid of being judged like how others had judged me without knowing the whole truth. I am afraid of trusting people now , that's why I spare little to no information about myself , not even wanting to reveal my age.
I had been scolded '****' , '*****' , '*****' in the past few days that I had joined by the people whom had recognized me through the photos. Some of them even called me fake as my name and photos were pretty infamous back then. Why is it so hard just for me to blend into society once more ? Can't I be normal again after committing a single folly ? I realize my mistakes and even people whom came out of jail often get a second chance in life and yet people are giving me the death sentence. Why must you all continue to condemn me ?
All I want now is just a second chance in life. Please , for those of you whom had added me and recognizes my photos , please try to keep mum about my real name. I just want a second chance in life as a different person , not daunted by my past anymore and I really don't know what to do anymore.. Do I really have to die for you guys to let me off ?
By:
Debbiechan
Age:
22-25
,
Female
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