Physically And Emotionally Not Well...

'There's not enough air,' my body is convinced. That's why I hyperventilate, and that's why I faint.

Why I'm convinced there's no air...

Well, I need to admit some things first, because right now I am light headed and I can't breathe right.

He is rash. He is verbally cruel. He is tortured by his past, his own hauntings. He does not want to change, yet he does want to change on his terms. He is my father. He hurt me, physically, mentally. He tried to disown me. He shouts at me. He lies to me. He wants the truth, but on his terms. He wants perfection, but on his terms. He hates himself. He shouts and swears, throws things, punches doors. I remember he pulled over at a gas station by a highway in the forest after screaming at my mother and left. He walked out. My mother yelled at him from the window. Before all the truck drivers at the gas station at 3:24am, he raised a finger and said "F--- you!"

"You have children in this car, get back in here!"

F... you...

It was the only promise he ever carried through. He certainly did screw us up.

He has BPD.

And it isn't my problem. It doesn't have to be.
NorthWesternSheWolf NorthWesternSheWolf
18-21, F
Dec 3, 2012