I Was So Innocent!

Um. Well I haven't told many people ,not even my parents!
When I was little my ears were really damaged so I was always vurnable.I also moved around alot because my mother was trying to get her college degree. After a while my mother settled on a town called Dequeen. I loved that town(I still live there) but after a while my mom was told she had to send my older sister to preschool. My mother tried to send me with my sister but they said I couldn't because I was too sick. So my mom had to get me a babysitter which envolved money abd mom didn't any so she had to take a job that didn't had to have a college degree. Soon enough my mother got a job and got a babysitter soon enough. The first day my mother woke me up early so she can take me there, after we got there she took me inside the house and I fell asleep again for another couple of hours.The first day went past by two adults fighting but I didn't my mother about this. The next after my mother dropped me off. I fell almost quickly to sleep intill I felt simeone hand grabbing my waist harshly and taking me somewhere. Then I felt something pushing my underwear down and felt something going between my legs, I though we were playing a game. I was about to laugh till the person harshly clamped my mouth and said,'' You tell anyone you die.'' so quickly I hushed till I felt pain more pain then the surgeries I had before.I was about to cry till the person moaned loudly and slowly pulled my underwear up took me to the place I was sleeping and layed me down and left. Thus going on for days intill I figured out it was the babysitter's husband that was raping me. One day I full of pain, enough pain to kill me. Just as my mother was going to the door I ran to and when I stood in front of her I fainted. After that my mother never took me there again now I am 13 and I barely remember some things but still feel the pain that he gave me. A couple months later he had a daughter. I used to know that man's daughter but never had the guts to tell her what her father did to me.All I know about the man right now is that he is still alive. After all that I changed from a sweet little girl to a person I don't really understand.

( sorry for any missspelled words)

Also please I need help I want to tell all my friends about it but I am too scared if they leave me in my own burden. Please tell me what to do!!!
snowflake10793 snowflake10793
13-15, F
2 Responses Dec 7, 2012

I'm so sorry for what happened. I had a similar experience, but the dude was my coach. U should contact someone that u really trust and can relate to. Someone that can guide you and make u happy. I admire your strength over the past years, but seeking help would do so much. My advice: never give up! No1 has a perfect life. :)

You do need to find someone to share this with, snowflake, and that someone needs to be a counselor. If you can't tell your mom, at least get her help in finding someone for you -- through your school, your church, any community youth services in your town. Be proud of your strength over all these years, and take pride in being strong enough to require the help you deserve ... and stay in touch here on EP, there will be many, many like you who will be looking to your story as a landmark they can use to find their own way. Prayers for you, too.