Forever Changing

I have a past.... we all do right? Most would look at me and see a smiling girl, but that smile is truly broken. I would walk outside and everyone would ignore my limbs or my cringes, they only saw what they wanted. But masks only hide our identity but do not hide our feelings or save us from the monsters in this world.

My past is one of pain and well it has changed me, you know the saying not to mess with destiny and fates? Was... is mines to live with no trust? Each day I would wake up hoping I was dead.... at times I still do. But we have to stay strong right?

I would get up each day and be beaten by my step mother, yea cliche I know! Evil step mother, but for me there was no prince charming only abusive boyfriends. At school I was the muted freak covered in bruises and scars, but no one cared. My life goes on, I was the entertaiment for my step mothers 'play mates'. I have felt scared to wake up everyday. I do not like living. I despise my real mum for making be be born instead of getting a abortion like me 'dad' wanted her to.

My dad is not my real dad, I don't know who is but in my eyes I do not want to know. My dad is a abusive drunk but when he is not drunk he is one of the nicest men you would ever meet. My mum, I never knew her, she left on my third birthday. She left and my step mum moved in a few years later. My sisters neglect me most days and my brother.... I have not seen in much since he moved out two years ago. Three years ago my dad left my step mum, heaven right? Nope! He drinks even more, three years on and still living in pain.

But I am nt writing to complain about my life because many have it worse than I did and have. I look onto the future, looking forward for the day when I can say I have made something out of myself. I got into college at thirteen, that is a achievment to me and I am going to strive towards my goals and achieve my dreams. I will not let my past way me down, I am going to work hard and make myself proud. I can not change my past.... but I can change my future!
thisaccountisgone thisaccountisgone
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 12, 2012

hi,
I have read your story about your past and I really am sorry, abuse like that ( any abuse at all) shouldn't happen to anyone. It is good to hold on to the future (considering yours is very bright) and make your dreams come true and show everyone your capable of doing things they can only dream of :). I hope we can become friends :) and if you want to talk to anyone about anything I am here, what you say will be between us .

Keep thinking positive

Jeanette (Nettie) :)

many have a past worse, our pasts make us who we are, mines makes me stronger

that maybe true but this is about you and people deal with it in different ways if you know what i mean, it is your life and shouldn't have been like that. i know, thats good it makes you stonger, i just hope i become stronger bullying just seemed to make me have depression, socail anxiety and paranoia

i suffer from deep depression and i am very suicidal and a self harmer but we gotta keep breathing

exsactly don't let the people who hurt us think they have won and defeted us

yep

2 More Responses

I'm glad that you will work hard to have a bright future.