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The Truth Was All In My Face And I Couldn't See It

Ever since i was a kid i always felt that something was missing in my life,but i had my two siblings,my parents, we had a roof over our heads,we were not poor or even rich we just had enough.this feeling followed me through my childhood and even into my teenage years,i never told anyone how i felt inside,as the years passed the more the feeling seemed to become strong.I began slowly falling into depression.With the acute depression i managed to skip a grade in junior school,and went to high school were i passed very well then i went to varsity.Things took a turn for the worst in varsity as i began questioning my existence,the reason why i choose the course i was doing,i ended up realizing that i didn't really like that course,i only opted it because my friends told me to do so,my depression worsened to the point were i was not even attending classes,i would just skip classes and sleep or switch off my phone and go to the museum alone without telling anyone were i was going.I ended up failing and had to drop out of varsity.at the end of the same week i had learned that i had failed, i learned that the person who for 18 years i thought was my father wasn't really my father and when i started to question who my father was,i found out that he was a lecture at the same university i had just dropped out from...apparently i used to meet him when i was a kid but i guess i some how forgot and no one ever mentioned him, now my whole childhood depression began to make sense,i don't know how to explain this but subconsciously i think i remembered and missed my father,and it explained a lot like why i couldn't connect with the man i thought was my father,why i had this hatred towards him,and why him and i never had anything in common and never got along.What upset me the most was that all the signs were right in front of me,but it took me 18 years to put the pieces together.That was years ago, i have moved on.Now i've gotten to know my father and his family,his family already knew that i exist,he never kept it a secret, i've forgiven him for making himself the perfect stranger in my life,i was angry with my mother for a while for lying to me but i forgave her and as for my step-father,he is still angry that i know who my real father is ,he wishes that i had never known cause he thinks that my mum is going to fall in love with my father again and leave him,he is so insecure..lol...but my life is too short for me to entertain such craziness ...he even removed me from his will and told me that am not getting anything from him if i don't stop seeing my father...lol..and i was like ok,i can't change biology...lol...oh... i am the first born by the way,my siblings handled the fact that am actually their half brother and we dnt have the same dad,pretty well.I consider my father's children my siblings too and we are growing close,my step-mother is very nice and we growing close as well.My father paid for me to continue varsity,depression is over,and now i just look back and ask my self...how on earth did i survive that?!...then i just shake my head and laugh...that's what i do this days when am stressed out ,just shake my head and laugh at life's perfect imperfections...so as you read this,remember to just shake your head and laugh...smh...lol...
Odips Odips 22-25 Jan 20, 2013

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