The Past Has Changed Me

I have a different outlook on my future. All my plans I had, had to go, they were impossible.

So, I can't change the change my past has inflected on me. I must roll with the punches.
The worse damage done by my past is my heart can't be got! It's stonecold when it comes to wanting, needing a man, a lover, a companion. I won't lie to you... deep down I so would love to love again. Oh.. I love, everything, even life at times ;) But I am talking on the level of romance.
I fell in love awhile back, something I swore, like here.. I would never do. I did! And it conformed my idea, my belief ... Close the windows, lock the doors to this poor old broken heart.
I will survive by loving myself, my critters, my gardens. This last love I ... experienced.. put a damper on my soul! I can't afford to allow it... lol.. "it" to enter my heart again. Shoot, there is all kinds of love. Love for my son, my grand children, my critters, my love for Mother Earth. I love, I give a loving smile to all that i meet. BUT... love for a man, well.. shaking head... only superman could melt this frozen heart of mine.
I love everyone on some kind of level. I will talk to anyone, on every day subjects, what's going on in life at hand. It is so wonderful to have friends!!!! They light my world up. Never would I want it any other way..

So, since it's just little of Me, my life's future is going to be different than I had thought a few years ago... Yup, my past has changed me. It is what it is! sigh.... *smile*

MorningBreeze MorningBreeze
56-60, F
5 Responses Jan 31, 2013

Your past has made you wiser,and you have so much to live for,your children,grand'children and your animals,as for me I have lost interest in romance and I do quite well without it,thank you very much! But I am pushing 70! You are still young,and I sincerely wish for you to meet a terrific man.Take care.

Thank you, very kind of you. I wish you much peace and blessings.

I empathsize and appreciate your story my life has been very much the same. I'm just trying to make the best decisions I can at present. I came back to my husband for the forth time I'm thinking it is another mistake. He's overly nice during the courting ritual and then begins a cycle of resentment and anger that loops and loops.

Thank you Ruby. I real don't want to live without a mate... this roommate , JUST a roommate is enough to drive me crazy. Glad we aren't involved any other way. giggling.... Funny you said that about your husband.. my ex appear to me the other day. Was very overly nice too. ...shaking head.. threw me for a loop ... I just kept remembering all the bad, didn't want to!Blessings to you sweet lady!! Have a good weekend. Take care

At present I don't feel I need a mate. I need to develop as an individual and see where that leads me.

yup.. that's a fact sweetie!! me too, i am enjoying this freedom i have.. matter of fact, i am down right cocky about no one to tell me what to do.. i'm a brat like that! (hug) Blessings to you, you are such a gentle soul. *smile*

The past changes us all. You obviously have been hurt more than once. I am very sorry for your pain. When we love someone fiercely with all our heart and that love is not returned, or even worse it is betrayed it will leave a terrible scar. Some people never recover. Looks like you are redirecting yours. That is healthy. Some day you might yet decide to redirect it again, but if not you are making some cats very happy.
Much happiness I wish for you.

thank you my friend. lucky cats huh.


I'm not so sure I believe in love anymore...the romantic type, I mean. I believe in infatuation...and that "falling in love" is one form of insanity which society not only tolerates, but encourages.

Yes, we can't help but being shaped by our past. Strange, though...the same experience can affect two people in totally different manners. The past is definitely a part of our make up, but thankfully, it's not the only part!! And the good thing? We shape tomorrow's past, today.

i'm trying. blessings to you. have a great day

Fortunately and Unfortunately you are the sum of everything you have ever experienced and as much as we might like to change that we can't. All we can do is try to understand what has happened in our lives and try to be satisfied to some extent with the choices that have already been made for us. Be strong and try to be well.

Thank you. There is a quote we all know.... "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." Hon... I am woman, hear me roar!! ;) I will stay such too. Nothing is alll good nor bad. Sooo... all is well. Have a great weekend. Take care